ladnov2 Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 My husband cheated on me and we have been separated for less than a year. I just found out that his lease was up and he didn't want to live alone so he contacted one of my sisters and made arrangements to live with her and her husband and young son. I found out about it one day before he moved in, after I got suspicious and confronted them about it. A few years ago, my sister purchased a house that was too big for her small family. She lied on her mortgage application to get the house and now she is close to foreclosure. She doesn't want to lose the house so she decided to rent a room out to him. When I confronted her, she said she did it to help him out (My ex makes more money than my sister and her husband together). I asked her how could she say she did it to help him out when he told me that she was struggling with her mortgage and him moving in would help them stay afloat? When I confronted my ex about it, he told me, "You said you didn't want to take me back so I had to move on." How is that moving on??? He knew my sister and I were not on the best terms since we had a disagreement a few years ago and I spilled my heart out to him when it occurred so I wouldn't doubt this was done out of spite. The whole thing shocked me. It's not like they were close during our marriage. We all knew that my ex was a chronic liar who talks his and other people's business whenever given the opportunity. My sister would always make negative comments about his constant lying to me during the years we were married. The two of them don't even have a relationship except the one or two holiday gatherings at my or her home when we were married and an occasional happy birthday text twice a year. Yet, when I confronted my sister about it she said she sees him more like a brother than she sees me a sister. I come from a family of a lot of sisters and, except for one or two of us, we are not close, we all have our issues and usually disagree when we're together but we've never been enemies. So hearing this was shocking and hurtful. Does anyone else think that it was wrong/inappropriate for my sister to welcome him into her home during our separation/divorce? She said since she didn't know the details behind our separation, she felt it was ok to take him in. I didn't realize I had to tell her my whole life story about my marriage for her to understand why she should support her sister. Only my mother and one of my sisters knew the gross details about my separation and other than that I kept it private. Everyone knows that divorces can be ugly. I'm bracing myself as I believe that if he can pull that one, who know what else he wouldn't do? Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 During a divorce, I believe that it is always best to support the blood relative first unless he has done something very wrong to his spouse like cheating or abuse. The fact that your sister didn't even have a relationship with her former BIL makes this even more weird. Why couldn't she find a boarder who isn't an erstwhile family member? I would be angry too. I'm not asking this to upset you but are you sure that they aren't sleeping together? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 Well the good thing is you and your sister aren't close so you don't have to worry about seeing him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 You guys clearly have a dysfunctional relationship. For the average sister, yes it would be expected that she support you and not move your ex husband into her home. However, if you're relationship with her is in shambles, that sisterly conduct code goes right out the window. You and her don't talk anyway, so I don't see any reason to make a big fuss about it unless you're ready to work out the issues you and your sister already had before this incident. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Of course, it's totally wrong for your sister to let him do this. I'm not saying your ex is a stalker because you haven't said that, but I will tell you that one of the common things stalkers do is use your family and friends to keep finding out what you're doing and get information from and make it hard for you to not see them. It's his way of spying on you, basically, and he is also about to exploit an already delicate relationship and she's going to let him do that. He will take satisfaction in that. Now you will be the one who doesn't want to show up for family Christmas because he'll be there, and he knows this. It doesn't sound like you've asked him to leave you alone, but in case you have and he won't, you could perhaps get a restraining order if you document it well enough and force him out of that situation, but it's very if-fy. This is his way of continuing to control you. I can only tell you that the less you pay attention to it or vocalize to anyone about it or act like it bothers you, and show that this has no power over you, the quicker he will tire of living under your sister's roof and the quicker she will tire of letting him. If he can't get the desired power and control from this, that is his whole goal. So it's up to you to just shut him out and get on with your life and try not to let it get to you. It can't last. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 I can't tell you who to trust, but this is an example of no matter what your relationship with someone, trust should never be automatic, it must be earned. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 I don't like the sound of this OP. A friend of mine's husband cheated with her sister. He is now her exH A chap I used to know (divorced) eventually married his ex-wife's sister So these kind of faintly "incestuous" relationships aren't as rare as you think. I agree your sister crossed boundaries and I'd also be royally pi$$ed. There's not a lot you can do except distance yourself. Sorry x 3 Link to post Share on other sites
spideywoman Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 I don't like the sound of this, either. The minute I read it i thought "oh oh. are the sister and the husband shagging?!" regardless, and i hope of course that is not the case, i agree with you that your sister did cross boundaries and that in my book this is not acceptable behavior for family, no matter how on the outs you may be. at best, it was a pragmatic decision in that her financial comfort was more important than your feelings. at worst, there was blatant disregard for you as a human being and alterior motives. i am sorry you're going through this. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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