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How to return the favor for a guy without going overboard?


ChattyKat

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We have been friends several years. Even dated a few months but that didn't work out. Although we aren't dating anymore, we are still close friends hanging out together (no sex). He still pays for my dinner occasionally and lets me tags along with his friends.

 

I was thinking of returning the favor in a nice way that doesn't cost much or is free. I got a list started of the reasons why I like him as a good friend. Would it be lame to give that to him in a card? Do guys even like that sorta thing?

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Scarlett.O'hara

Do you have feelings for this guy? I only ask because that is going to be what he is going to wonder if you give him that sort of card.

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Do you have feelings for this guy? I only ask because that is going to be what he is going to wonder if you give him that sort of card.

 

Yeah I do. The feeling is mutual. Just a list of 10-15 things of why I like him. My way of thanking him for buying me dinner occasionally and carpooling with him. He knows I'm on a tight budget so can't afford to pay my share

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Scarlett.O'hara

I thought so. As long as you are ok with him knowing that, then go with your instincts. I'm sure he will appreciate the gesture!

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understand50
We have been friends several years. Even dated a few months but that didn't work out. Although we aren't dating anymore, we are still close friends hanging out together (no sex). He still pays for my dinner occasionally and lets me tags along with his friends.

 

I was thinking of returning the favor in a nice way that doesn't cost much or is free. I got a list started of the reasons why I like him as a good friend. Would it be lame to give that to him in a card? Do guys even like that sorta thing?

 

ChattyKat,

 

How about a card saying "Thank you , and I am glad you are my friend".

 

I am, and have been married for 40 plus years, and have many friends who happen to be female, and I treasure my friendship with them as I do my guy buddies. Sometimes I think, we in society, confuse a good friend, with the need or expectation for a sexual relationship, and in the end we and others suffer from the loss of just having a good friend.

 

A good friend only needs a "thank you" and for you to be there when he needs to draw upon the friendship. Unless, you are thinking you want more, leave this as a friendship.

 

My 2 cents....

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I would not get him a card. There is no need to thank him for "letting" you tag along with his friends. If you want to thank him for the dinners, a 6 pack of his favorite beer or a pizza delivered to his house one night would probably be more appreciated by a guy.

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I would not get him a card. There is no need to thank him for "letting" you tag along with his friends. If you want to thank him for the dinners, a 6 pack of his favorite beer or a pizza delivered to his house one night would probably be more appreciated by a guy.

 

He doesn't drink any kind of booze. cards can be bought cheap at a dollar store to put the gift card in.

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He doesn't drink any kind of booze. cards can be bought cheap at a dollar store to put the gift card in.

 

Gift card? I thought you were just buying a card and listing things you liked about him inside it.

 

If you want to buy a gift card and stick it in a simple dollar store card, that would be fine too. I just wouldn't get too "mushy-gushy" in the card. He's just a friend (unless you want more...then that's a different story) so no need to say anything other than thank you!

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Since it didn't work out , I guess you are better off staying not in contact. Otherwise, a heartfelt thank you should work.

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Since it didn't work out , I guess you are better off staying not in contact. Otherwise, a heartfelt thank you should work.

 

Eh, not staying in contact is not an option. Mattee of fact, we already have plans this weekend lol

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It's unclear from your posts, but are you trying to turn your friendship into something more than a friendship? If feelings are mutual as you say, why hasn't anything happened?

 

A card and a giftcard sounds over-the-top for a friend unless it's a special occasion like his birthday.

 

If I were in his shoes I'd be more comfortable with you paying for dinner sometime. A giftcard is something I would expect from an aunt.

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Giving him a card in which you personally list 15 reasons you're thankful for him??? *raised eyebrows*

 

First be honest with yourself about whether you're developing romantic feelings for him. Truly honest. I have some incredible platonic male friends...totally selfless, generous, and giving...have gone out of their way, above and beyond in unbelievable ways for me. Yet I would never think to get them a card listing all the ways in which I like them and am thankful to have them in my life. My boyfriend? Yes. My mom? Maybe. I show my appreciation on other ways though. A friend? Just no way! Especially if he were male.

 

There are many ways to show appreciation and to reciprocate. Make his favorite dish for him AND his friends. Take him a batch of homemade cookies or brownies when you go out as a group. Both are incredibly cheap to make and delicious.

 

Quite frankly, letting you tag along and occasionally covering your meal is not really a favor. That certainly doesn't prompt most people to wax poetic about how wonderful it is to have the person in your life...unless something else is going on...you know, like you're hoping it turns into something more.

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Wait... A card listing 15 reasons AND a gift card? I hadn't gone through all the posts before.

 

Making cookies or brownies will run you $2-3. I'm guessing the gift card will have more money than that on it. I thought you couldn't afford to cover his meal back? Panera Bread will run you$10.

 

Who broke up with whom when it didn't work out?

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Wait... A card listing 15 reasons AND a gift card? I hadn't gone through all the posts before.

 

Making cookies or brownies will run you $2-3. I'm guessing the gift card will have more money than that on it. I thought you couldn't afford to cover his meal back? Panera Bread will run you$10.

 

Who broke up with whom when it didn't work out?

 

He broke up with me after few months of dating. I got mad at him and complained about something trivial so he decided it wasn't going to work out between us.

 

At first it was awkward being around each other. Now we've got used to it. I have brought up the subject of dating and he said we're better off just as friends. We still hang out doing stuff together. (no sex though. He knows I wont have sex without dating)

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He broke up with me after few months of dating. I got mad at him and complained about something trivial so he decided it wasn't going to work out between us.

 

At first it was awkward being around each other. Now we've got used to it. I have brought up the subject of dating and he said we're better off just as friends. We still hang out doing stuff together. (no sex though. He knows I wont have sex without dating)

 

Whoa whoa... I didn't realize you had dated and he broke up with you.

 

Yikes! With that information, giving him a thank you card and a gift card for being your friend just appears weird and desperate. If you want to stay friends just pay your share or chip in every now and then. Nix the card!

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Whoa whoa... I didn't realize you had dated and he broke up with you.

 

Yikes! With that information, giving him a thank you card and a gift card for being your friend just appears weird and desperate. If you want to stay friends just pay your share or chip in every now and then. Nix the card!

 

O didn't realize it would make me look desperate. I drive to his house a lot then we carpool. Occasionally, he will pay foe my meal when we go out to eat

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I had a strong sense that he had broken up with you. Personally, I don't think you're over him yet. As long as you continue to tag along (gratefully) when he goes out with his friends, you won't get over him. It will just be more ideas like this under the guise of "friendship" or "gratitude."

 

Do yourself a favor and find other friends with whom to socialize. You deserve better then to be his groupie.

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O didn't realize it would make me look desperate. I drive to his house a lot then we carpool. Occasionally, he will pay foe my meal when we go out to eat

 

Of course, it does. What about any of this is worthy of a thank you card with a handwritten note of 15 reasons you're thankful to have him in your life...AND as if that weren't already over the top, a gift card to boot for allowing you to tag along when he's out with his friends?

 

A platonic friend of mine drove 300 miles because he noticed I forgot something I would need on a back packing trip I was taking. Unfortunately, my friends and I had decided en route to go elsewhere. So after not finding my hiking buddy's car, he searched several other parks until he finally found us. You know what he got for his efforts before he turned around and left after giving the item to me? "Thank you." He did stuff like this all the time. The concept of penning a list of fifteen reasons why I liked having him in my life never crossed my mind. Ditto a gift card. "Gosh, thanks! That's incredibly nice of you," was sufficient.

 

(And for the LS cynics--no, he had zero interest in me romantically.:p He was happily engaged...now married...to his then girlfriend. And no, he wasn't settling with her. He was totally HAWT. He was just incredibly nice.)

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Of course, it does. What about any of this is worthy of a thank you card with a handwritten note of 15 reasons you're thankful to have him in your life...AND as if that weren't already over the top, a gift card to boot for allowing you to tag along when he's out with his friends?

 

A platonic friend of mine drove 300 miles because he noticed I forgot something I would need on a back packing trip I was taking. Unfortunately, my friends and I had decided en route to go elsewhere. So after not finding my hiking buddy's car, he searched several other parks until he finally found us. You know what he got for his efforts before he turned around and left after giving the item to me? "Thank you." He did stuff like this all the time. The concept of penning a list of fifteen reasons why I liked having him in my life never crossed my mind. Ditto a gift card. "Gosh, thanks! That's incredibly nice of you," was sufficient.

 

(And for the LS cynics--no, he had zero interest in me romantically.:p He was happily engaged...now married...to his then girlfriend. And no, he wasn't settling with her. He was totally HAWT. He was just incredibly nice.)

 

I can assure you he doesn't live 300miles away. Much less than that. I guess we think differently.

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We lived in the same building when this happened. I had driven 300 miles away to go backpacking and forgot a piece of equipment. He saw it, felt I would need it, and drove out to give it to me.

 

My point is carpooling and allowing you to tag along with his friends doesn't warrant a list of all the ways in which you're thankful to have someone in your life...and a gift card!

 

Even to the casual observer, it's pretty obvious it's not about simple gratitude.

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