I need to understand

[bathtub-row]

I have a friend who was diagnosed as bi-polar several years ago. I believe this diagnosis is correct, although I admit that I don't know that much about the condition. I have known her for many years yet have mostly kept my distance; taking her in small doses, so to speak. Mostly because we don't have that much in common.

 

For several years now, her life has been on a serious downward spiral. I've never known anyone who invites more drama into their lives than her. It is like an amazing, non-stop cycle of intense drama. She gets government support because of her diagnosis and it's true that she isn't reliable enough to hold down a job but she continually has money problems. Lately she has had a lot of high drama in her life and has turned to me a few times -- mostly because her family is losing their patience with her, which I find sad. Because I care about her and because I'm kind to her, she has started turning to me more often. But honestly, I can't handle the 3 pg emails about the latest things going on, or the long texts. I simply don't know how to handle her and the crazy things that happen to her. She has definitely gotten worse in the last few years.

 

At this stage, I'm honestly concerned that the drama and financial insecurity is becoming too much for her and that she'll eventually take her life. Is there any help for people like this? Can someone help me understand? Does there come a point when people like this have to be committed? She has two kids -- one is grown and the other is a teen. Her husband left her several years ago and has done his share of damage to her and the kids. If anyone can offer advice for me to help her, I'd appreciate it.

[basil67]

You're a good friend.

 

I have a friend who has bi-polar who has been committed a few times to stabilise. And another who probably should have been committed a number of times. So yes, it can get this bad.

 

The type of help available is generally a psychiatrist to oversee medication and a psychologist to help with coping strategies. Is your friend seeing both?

 

Have you told your friend that you care for her very much but are feeling overwhelmed? It may be time for you to put in some boundaries with her.

[bathtub-row]

Thank you for your reply. I'm concerned if I told her that, it would crush her. I do know that she has a psychologist but I don't know how involved he or she is. I'm thinking about calling her dad and talking to him. Personally, I don't think my friend is capable of living on her own, making grown-up decisions, etc; and I believe she's reaching a dangerous low.

 

Is this typical for people with this condition? To have so much drama in their lives?

[basil67]

OK, one of my friends is a more casual friend so I don't know what her day to day life is like. But the other leads a very chaotic life. It's full of drama stretched over a mood cycle which lasts about three weeks from high to crash...back to high. He's driven away many of his friends because all his feelings (both good and bad) are just so intense.

 

I think talking to her dad would be a really good start. However, if he's talked with her many times over the past, it may be better that you do it.

 

As a different avenue into her confidence, what about asking her what the disorder is like. If you can make inroads, perhaps you can gradually work towards the tricky conversations.

[bathtub-row]

You know what? I don't think she has ever made the connection that all the drama is due to her mental state. I did point out to her once that I read that people getting very little sleep intensifies mental health problems (I read that once and it totally applied to her). However that knowledge made no difference to her. She often talks about being up all night working on some project, or going to bed at 5am, that kind of thing. My point is, I don't think talking to her about it would make one bit of difference because I'm starting to suspect that she has no control over her actions. I honestly think that someone needs to intervene and that intervention needs to be permanent. She simply isn't capable of taking control of her life. That's my impression anyway.