Friends/Family Filled with Hate

[JewelD]

I recently fell out with one of my closest friends (She was upset because I didn't want to be her maid of honor). and I began looking back through the friendship over the years and I realize she wasn't always a good friend.

 

There were times where she would put me down or say negative things about my family or where I lived or my choice of career and I guess I convinced myself that this was just who she was. and I dealt with it.

 

And I just don't know why. But I noticed it's happened in other relationships in my life. For example, my sister. We're close in age but we were never really 'friends'. I remember one time she attacked me because my mom told her she had to take me to the park with her. and this had to be maybe middle school or high school. I understand sibling rivalry, idk wtf this was because I never threatened or 'hated' her the way she seemed to hate me. She was a fking bitch.She truly was. and she still is.

 

We don't have physical fights anymore, but she is so condescending and rude to me after all these years. a couple months ago, we were out with our cousins for a family reunion. My sister and her fiancee were in the front seat, some of us were in the back seat and two people were in the trunk.

 

They were really squished back there and I was drunk and I just made the observation, "hey, your trunk is pretty small". and my sister turned around and snapped "Jewel, how big is YOUR trunk??" Basically trying to embarrass me for not having a car in front of everyone.

 

and I'm just like, why? We're all having a good time and your go-to is to start talking **** out of nowhere? The car's not even hers, it's her fiancee's. Her car was also purchased by her fiancee. Their house was purchased by her fiancee. Everything she has, he bought. If she was single, her ass would still be living at home, on the couch with no car.

 

and she's always saying snide **** like that. Unprovoked. Commenting on my living situation, how much I pay for certain things, what I choose to study, and it's clear she thinks she's superior to me.

 

But then a couple of weeks ago she was talking about quitting school and I sent her a long motivational text saying, 'you can do this, you're intelligent. Don't give up." Looking back, why tf did I say that? Why am I nice to people who are fking dicks to me??

 

I just don't understand why people are so filled with venom? I find it hard to be unkind or cruel to people who haven't done anything to me. But for others, it's so easy for them that they probably don't even realize. Normally I'm outspoken and I don't have a problem snapping on anyone, but I never know how to respond in situations where it's my friends or family spitting the venom.

 

Sometimes I just wanna ask them, what do you really think of me? Do you even like me? Because it's now dawned on me that people will sit around in your life taking up space and not necessarily like you or want good things for you.

[preraph]

Yeah, you're rewarding them even when they're mean to you so it just makes them do it more. It is common for sisters and siblings to be very critical. I don't even mix mine with friends much because she would find some way to try to embarrass or belittle me if she got comfortable enough with them.

 

I think you caught yourself doing the thing that is attracting jerks to you, which is rewarding them with kindness even when they are not being kind. Oh, they'll glom right onto that. It feeds them. So stop that now that you know you're doing it.

[LastAcorn99]

I’m sorry you feel mistreated by your friends and family. A quote by Eleanor Roosevelt comes to mind, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Also, I’ve come to realize that when we pause for a moment and respond to people, instead of reacting to their taunts, we have the upper hand in the situation. While we don’t have the liberty to choose our family, I pray that you find friends who are kind and companionate along the way. Hugs to you, JewelD. God bless you!