what is up with this female friend of mine

[Enkia]

first, let me apologize for my english. it is not my first language.

 

I am a woman in my late 30s. I have a female friend in her late 30s as well. she is what I would call a copy-paste person.

 

She is literately copying me in every way possible: The way I speak, my opinions on everyday stuff, be it politics or whatever.

 

The clothes I buy. I freaking can't buy a coat, pants, shirt, even a plant or flower for my house without her going out to buy the exact same thing.

What the --- is up with that??

 

I know she is a very low confident woman, I do realize that. And she is very jealous by nature. I have known her all my life.

 

My main questions are, Am I wrong to be so annoyed by her? Should I just shrugged my shoulders and move on?

 

This is a very short version of everything, but I would appreciate your opinions.

Edited September 10, 2016 by Enkia

[basil67]

She probably thinks that you're terrific. And being so unconfident in her own decisions, she copies the parts of you which she so admires. I've done the same myself when I've felt lost during different stages of my life.

 

I do understand that you find it irritating. Have you considered having a gentle discussion with her and then taking her shopping and helping her find her own style?

[Enkia]

She is a woman age 39, she is set in her ways. I can't talk her in to finding her owns ways, as she does not see how she is copying everyone around her. It is not just me, it is everyone she copy.

[StalwartMind]

Not everyone is an individual thinker. Some people love to follow, jump on the band-wagon or like you said have low confidence/self-esteem. There are people much older than her who are the same way. We all have different personalities and while I understand it can be frustrating to deal with it, you need to remember that she may not think of things the same way you do. It's easy of many people to get offended or upset easily when they only look at things from their own viewpoint.

 

A good friend will listen and take into consideration if someone tells them stuff which bothers them. Do however be prepared that she may not be capable of changing and besides, so what if she copies you. Everything we do in life is basically just copying and repeating the same actions over and over. Unless she deliberately is trying to harm or hurt you I would not worry about it. That doesn't mean you have to like it, but if it seriously bothers you so much, then perhaps you need to re-evaluate your friendship. Personally I think it's pitiful to get worked up over something like that, especially if she is a great and kind friend, but only you can answer that. Some things in life you just need to accept and let go, try to focus on something which is positive instead.

[preraph]

She has no identity of her own, and that's not good. I had a problem with my old school friend taking the first opportunity to sleep with the guy I was in love with in our late 20s, and when I got to the bottom of it, I realized this was part of her copying me as well. I thought back and realized she had taken one of my vintage suits. It had disappeared forever. She was borrowing shoes and clothes and trying to just get my life. I had to cut her off forever. She wasn't even as bad as your friend. She wasn't copying everything like her, but she had copying behavior, literally trying to step into my shoes, while at the same time being competitive.

 

I have another younger friend who grew up with and used to be best friends with my younger best friends now (decades later), and even though she had advantages neither of us had, like a trust fund to go to medical school and not have to worry about money, her entire life, she had gone after every man my best friend or I had any interest in. It's like she waits until they have our stamp of approval and then tries to take them. My friend was pretty tolerant of this and it's been going on for 30 years, until recently when this woman moved in with her first husband, now her ex. The odd thing is she seems oblivious that this isn't a welcome thing. She immediately tried to get my best friend involved with the two of them as if she's be enthusiastic to do so even though she dumped him for some very good reasons. She's been pushing to come to town and crash at her house, which isn't going to happen, and even started contacting me.

 

I think when you're a young teen and even maybe a young adult, it's normal to be influenced by the people you are around and take one thing or another from them for your own, but doing it too much is not healthy and shows a very lost person underneath with no sense of their own self. Since my experience with my old school friend, which was very traumatic for me, causing me to lose her, my oldest friend, and him, the man I loved, both at once, I have no tolerance for copycats or anyone trying to take your territory, which in nature is what it amounts to.

[basil67]

She is a woman age 39, she is set in her ways. I can't talk her in to finding her owns ways, as she does not see how she is copying everyone around her. It is not just me, it is everyone she copy.

 

Part of human nature is to follow the crowd in order to fit in and be accepted. Sure, we like to believe that we're all individual thinkers, but reality is that those of us who REALLY think outside the square and don't conform are frequently shunned by society. Eg; those with an autism spectrum disorder can find themselves on the outer for the simple reason they can't conform.

 

While I can easily imagine her copying one of you, it's hard to imagine that she's copying all of you. Otherwise, you'd be able to say "oh, she's copying Enkia today and yesterday she was copying Susan".

 

Sounds more like she's just doing her best to fit in

Edited September 11, 2016 by basil67

[SpiralOut]

 

My main questions are, Am I wrong to be so annoyed by her?

 

 

It's okay for you to feel annoyed.

 

I once had a roommate/friend who got a boyfriend and started copying my relationship. If we went away for the weekend, she and her bf would go to the exact same city the next week. She came into my room and saw a framed photo of me and my bf. A few days later, she printed out and framed a much larger photo of herself and her bf and left it in the living room. She tended to compare herself to me, even saying things like "my bike is prettier than yours." Wow how old are you, 10? I didn't realize that we were having a competition! Her copying was apparent enough that one of my friends noticed it and commented on it.

 

After I moved out to live with my bf, I got a kitten and posted a photo of myself holding it. A couple of months later, her bf moved in with her and she got a kitten and posted a photo of herself holding it... in the practically the exact same pose as me! The kitten even looked the same. Coincidence? I don't think so. I stopped being friends with her, not because of her copy-cat behaviour, but for other reasons.

 

In your case, I say keep doing what you're doing. If there's a particular shirt or purse that you don't want her to copy, don't go shopping with her and don't wear the item around her until the store has stopped selling it. There's not much else you can do. The people around you will see what is happening.