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Problems lately with a longtime friend


Tidal30

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I have had a best friend of the opposite sex for 12 years. We are both 28. Its been a strictly platonic friendship that has been great for years. We've shared some great parts of life with each other and have been there in the good and bad times for each other.

 

Lately though things haven't been quite different. We typically have met up at least once a week and text a few times a week about what is going on in our lives etc. Last 4 months though things have clearly changed, we have hung out twice. Very unusual. She has been texting me alot more than usual. Its always now complaining about issues she is dealing with or asking for advice on this or that. Its been bothering me lately as I feel like she is just using me as a venting board. On top of that, she has ignored a few texts I sent asking to hang out or catch coffee, etc.

 

Its very usual. A few weeks ago we made plans and she cancelled last minute. I brought up how its been weeks since we hung out last, and the cancel was so last minute it prevented me from being able to catch other plans. She got quite upset, we didn't talk for almost a week, before she apologized and then when I accepted the apology, the immediate venting about life started.

 

I am debating on how to exactly bring this up. I'd hate to lose her as a best friend considering our history, but this kind of behavior just doesn't fly for a best friend. Sure a month or two of this, it happens. But going on almost 5 months and I need to say something. I just don't know how I should approach this situation.

 

I have thought maybe there is something I did. Only thing to came to mine is I broke up recently with a girl I had been dating for 8 months. She was friends with this girl, thought maybe she didn't like that I ended the relationship. But on the flip side she understood the reasons I broke up with her and to my knowledge she's hardly talked to my ex since the breakup.

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Doubt the breakup has anything to do with it. She seems to simply have other things more on her mind and using you to vent. She probably has something else going on keeping her busy, but seems like you'd know what that is. I mean, unless she is joined at the hip with the girl you broke up with and can't have you around when she's around, it shouldn't be to do with that. But if you find out she's blowing you off to hide your friendship from that one you broke up with, you definitely need to have a talk and let her know that makes you really mad. Could be she's trying to hide that she's still friends with you but seems like anyone would know that from your Facebook or whatever anyway. You should ask her what's going on. Tell her , I noticed you don't want to get together often and that all you seem to want is to vent about other things with me. What is going on with you? I'm here fory ou, but this isn't much fun for me if it keeps up this way.

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Doubt the breakup has anything to do with it. She seems to simply have other things more on her mind and using you to vent. She probably has something else going on keeping her busy, but seems like you'd know what that is. I mean, unless she is joined at the hip with the girl you broke up with and can't have you around when she's around, it shouldn't be to do with that. But if you find out she's blowing you off to hide your friendship from that one you broke up with, you definitely need to have a talk and let her know that makes you really mad. Could be she's trying to hide that she's still friends with you but seems like anyone would know that from your Facebook or whatever anyway. You should ask her what's going on. Tell her , I noticed you don't want to get together often and that all you seem to want is to vent about other things with me. What is going on with you? I'm here fory ou, but this isn't much fun for me if it keeps up this way.

 

I agree, I don't think it did either unless there some past connection between those two I am unaware of or she has gotten a different story of why we broke up. I don't think she is blowing me off to hide the friendship, we have an overlapping circle of friends and its pretty established we have been best friends for years.

 

I am considering sending a text similar to what you said. I was actually away on vacation this holiday weekend so I barely responded to any friends texts last few days, including hers.

 

I was also considering just being pretty forward and saying, is there a reason you have been blowing off plans lately. Not trying to upset you but we haven't done much last 4-5 months at all, other than our daily texts. And then say something similar to what you said at the of your post.

 

I was talking to a mutual friend that is closer to me than her. He brought up something I find interesting. She was complaining about a failed relationship she just had and said "I should just marry him, he's been my best friend for years and it would be perfect". Now I don't know if she was just joking or being genuine but is it possible she has some kind of feelings for me and I just never play on them since I've been strictly platonic with her? He also claimed she said something like this a year ago too. I don't think he'd make this stuff up or have any reason to lie about it, but I don't know. Maybe pulling at straws as to why the change in all of a sudden.

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So yesterday she was texting me about an issue she was having at work and I decided to bring up our problem with our friendship. Basically I side while I wan the best for you and am glad I can provide advice/support things have been too one-sided last few months and you've blown me off plan wise for awhile now. I am just wondering if there is an issue or something I have done recently.

 

Well it back fired, she got upset that I was accusing her of not being a good friend and brought up some very trivial things that happened months ago where she viewed me as avoiding her for plans, etc. One such occasion I was a few days removed from a bad breakup and I cancelled out on plans because I wasn't feeling like going out and I honestly can't believe I had to explain myself again with that.

 

I got irritated at the end of the conversation and left it saying I wasn't going to beg to hang out with her or have a level sided conversation. She didn't respond to that last text, so safe the issues worsened.

 

I feel I have been reasonable, hopefully she'll realize and apologize/change. I hate to see a friendship lost and I still think eventually she'll realize she was being unreasonable and contact me to apologize.

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