guys seeing you as a service project?

[purplehydro]

Hi, so I have been trying to type this up for a few hours, but I can't seem to find the right words to explain it.

Basically, there are these two guys who recently became my friends, and I can't figure out why.

1) They initiated the friendship. I ignored them for months before they suddenly started trying to start conversations with me and hang out

2) One of them had a girlfriend, and the other everyone thinks is either gay, or is interested in this other girl

3) they're a couple of punks (get in trouble a lot, have been openly rude to people) are religious, but kind of rough around the edges, and yet they are extremely nice to me. They always reply when I text them. (Only one of them ever texts me first, though, and I only got their numbers through other people.) They seem to go out of their way for me. One of them is super busy, and yet he found the time to come help me haul boxes in my house. And also, we were in this parking lot at midnight, and J (we'll call him) was talking to these girls, and I had to go to the bathroom, so I said "I have to go to the bathroom" and I was just saying that so they would know why I'm suddenly walking back into the theatre, and K (we'll call him) walked back with me? Guys don't do that usually, you know. And after I came out of the bathroom, he was waiting for me in the lobby?

4) I am super awkward and shy due to anxiety problems and haven't had any friends in years, but the friends I have had have been mostly guys. So I have a good understanding of guy behavior.

In the past, I was the one who sort of had to initiate things, if I just wanted to be their friend, or they openly told me they had a crush on me. I've been ignored, ditched, told they hate me so much they want to kill me, completely blown off. Treated like I'm just another human and they like me sometimes and sometimes don't. For some guys, they obviously have a crush on me, and don't say anything, but are always finding ways to touch me or seek me out to talk to me.

These two don't fit in any of that. They're just flat out nice. Sometimes I feel like...their little sister or something, the way they look at me.

In my past experience, guys have only ever wanted to be my friend because they like me. These two are just being nice. I could ask for anything and they'd do it. But there's nothing romantic there.

But at the same time, it doesn't seem likely that two guys like them would just want to be my friend out of obligation. They're not in student government, or Hope Squad, or really anything. They're just casual, independent people, who do their own thing. Religious, but I honestly can't see them being like 'oh, there's this girl who looks kind of sad and alone, so i'm going to be her friend'

???? Why are they friends with me???? I don't get it at all.

[preraph]

Are they friends with each other? Or are they separate? And how did you meet them? What was your first encounter when you saw them and then when did you first meet them and where? Need more info.

[purplehydro]

Are they friends with each other? Or are they separate? And how did you meet them? What was your first encounter when you saw them and then when did you first meet them and where? Need more info.

Yes, they're good friends. I met them at school. I had two classes with both of them, and then one class with J and one class with K.

K would occasionally say small things to me, until December, when we were in class, I was saying that I needed to take the test early because I would be leaving soon. K then said my name a couple times, and "Come after school" (to take the test)

Later, I went to the class that I had with both of them. They normally sat at the front, I sat in the back. That day I had empty seats around me, and they came over and sat by me. J sat in front (He had a girlfriend at the time) And K sat beside me. J asked me if I was seeing the stars wars movie. K was asked by the teacher to read something, he borrowed my book and asked me where it was that he was supposed to read.

That was the first interaction.

[preraph]

It sounds like they simply made friends with you and like you. Now, guys don't usually take up with women unless they are also attracted, so one or both may be hinting at a date, like the Star Wars movie comment, but not have all the confidence to just ask.

 

Yes, it's possible they're both gay, but I find it a little hard to believe they'd be focused that much on a female, plus you're all still young. I think they took the opportunity to befriend you and one or the other may like-like you. So if you like either of them, try light touching to give them a little flirtation and encourage them, just a touch on the arm or whatever as you talk.

[privategal]

Is it SO hard to believe people would want to be your friend for no other reason than that they just like you, simple, no other reason than just that your really nice and a good person and people are drawn to simple normal gals like you....just good people and they think...I like her, and her energy and I like it when we get those small Windows in class where we can hang.

Your growing up...friendships become more authentic and with less hidden motivation

[angel.eyes]

Perhaps work on your self-esteem. Why wouldn't people want to be your friend? Why do you think you're a service project?

 

I've had male friends my whole life. They aren't looking to date me. We're just friends. My brothers have many close female friends...totally platonic. My brothers would never EVER be interested in dating them. They're just fun to hang around and do things with.

[SpiralOut]

They probably see themselves as having something in common with you. Without knowing any of you, it's impossible for me to say what it is. Maybe you give off good vibes and they can sense it.

 

Enjoy yourself.

[purplehydro]

thank you for your feedback.

i do have a bit of self esteem issues

but it's just...baffling. strange to me. haha