Sunberry Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 I'm currently living with 5 girls and some of them have very strong personalities. I'm very open-minded and accommodating and I mostly keep to myself. They're funny and I get along with them great but every week there seems to be a new issue that causes my anxiety (which requires medication) to spike to an all time high. The majority of the issues have nothing to do with me. I try to fix them or steer it away to make living there peaceful but it seems to blow up in my face. I don't even like coming home anymore because I can feel tension build between those few and all of a sudden someone starts yelling or something. But after that everything is cheery again. Just last night one of them made the mistake of taking something important from work and needed a ride back. I was away helping a friend with issues and she got angry I didn't come quick enough I told her I was on the way but wanted to quickly finish what was at hand. Part of me feels moving out is avoiding the issue; I can't run from my problems. It'll just follow me. But I feel like eventually I wont be able take this any longer... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 I don't think anyone would want to live with 5 women unless it was necessary. It's not running from your problems to move out because living with 5 women isn't a mandatory part of life. I don't like having roommates at all so I solved the problem by getting a 1 bedroom. If that's an option for you, or even having fewer roommates, do it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 If it would allow you to have more peace, and less stress, I would move out. Home needs to be somewhere you can relax. You wouldn't be running away; just improving your situation. Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Oh, no, you definitely can run from these issues by moving out. Roommates are usually a source of stress and personally, I'd rather live in a shack than live in a mansion with a roommate. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunberry Posted August 28, 2016 Author Share Posted August 28, 2016 How do I even go about doing this? Would I even tell them? Would a friendship break from this. I think the only thing I'm concerned about when moving out is causing more issues than there should be. Link to post Share on other sites
Nowty V Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Where are you, more important, where are your boundaries? They get upset if you don't jump quick enough? You shouldn't be jumping at all. If some one else has an issue it is their's to address, how do you become involved in it? You were helping one person when another got the hump because you didn't help them quick enough.. she could have got a cab back to work, she was dumb enough to take something she shouldn't .. it wasn't your issue at all. Do they play on your anxiety? I wouldn't worry about them they sound like a bunch of users. You move out by finding somewhere you can afford in an area that is suitable and then you move, it is nobody else's business. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 How do I even go about doing this? Would I even tell them? Would a friendship break from this. I think the only thing I'm concerned about when moving out is causing more issues than there should be. Yes, you should give them reasonable notice so they can find someone to cover your part of the rent. Just tell them, "I'm moving into a cheaper/smaller/nicer place." They don't need to know any details. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunberry Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 Where are you, more important, where are your boundaries? They get upset if you don't jump quick enough? You shouldn't be jumping at all. If some one else has an issue it is their's to address, how do you become involved in it? You were helping one person when another got the hump because you didn't help them quick enough.. she could have got a cab back to work, she was dumb enough to take something she shouldn't .. it wasn't your issue at all. Do they play on your anxiety? I wouldn't worry about them they sound like a bunch of users. You move out by finding somewhere you can afford in an area that is suitable and then you move, it is nobody else's business. There are times where I would try and play mediator to diffuse the situation at hand only to be told exactly what you're telling me. So I stopped (or remind myself constantly to not be involved). I do because I just want to come home and not feel like my heart hurts and so everyone can be happy. That's my fault. I don't understand "play on". They are unaware that they're constant fighting is makeing it worse, but are aware that I have anxiety issues. Which is why I'm stumped as to how to approach this. Roommates go through arguments all the time, it's how you learn to live with people. So that's why I feel like I'm running away from the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Nowty V Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 (edited) I just want to come home and not feel like my heart hurts and so everyone can be happy. That's my fault. That is not a fault, its a beautiful trait, you need to insulate your heart and just accept people have deeper issues than yours but wear a mask to cover them, a front. Wearing a false front leads to bickering when their needs are not being met. They can not adequately address why, inside they are shrivelled but have a big bad front and therefore feel entitled. Moreover I do not believe you will be able to achieve what you require amongst this group, or any other. People will soon [subconsciously] realise that this behaviour promotes a reaction in you whereby you are easy to manipulate [play on] and you become the dogsbody. This is just human nature. Moving out of the way of ignorance isn't running away, it is self preservation. One does it for one's sanity [health]. Edited August 29, 2016 by Nowty V omission 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Sunberry, Yes, you need to move asap as these girls seem to be taking advantage of your good nature. Just last night one of them made the mistake of taking something important from work and needed a ride back. I was away helping a friend with issues and she got angry I didn't come quick enough I told her I was on the way but wanted to quickly finish what was at hand. What do they think you are, a free transport service ?! I'd have told her to call a cab because I was busy. Get another place to live, then take some assertiveness lessons so you can strengthen your boundaries. It's not mean to say "no" to someone, it your right and you need to exercise it. Goos luck x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Give them a month notice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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