Social issues and health problems

[LindsayN09]

So I just joined seeing a similar post on here from years ago somewhat relating to my problem.

I am 24, fairly attractive woman. I go to college and my job is office work with a lot of people. I live in a city so every day I encounter hundreds of people, which can be overwhelming. I've always been self conscious, even though I mostly get compliments on my appearance. I try not to overanalyze when I get looks, but sometimes it's really difficult. I have been with my boyfriend for three years and he's still very attracted to me and tells me not to worry about other people and I'm overthhinking things. But it's really difficult , like when I walk into a room everyone's staring me down, it drives me crazy. I dress modestly and cute, jeans, cute shirts and flats is the usual.

I wear light makeup and have medium length auburn hair. I'm naturally pretty, and I don't do anything to stand out or draw attention to myself. I just want to look nice and approachable.

Well I also have very large breasts, which gets a lot of unwanted attention. In highschool boys would gawk and make raunchy comments and girls would express their jealousy. I try to downplay it by wearing good bras, undershirts and shirts that cover my cleavage. I'm not trying to draw attention with my boobs. I hate how big they are. Oh well, not much I can do about it.

I try to smile and be friendly, compliment people, tell jokes, etc. But sometimes I just feel ostracized/isolated and it hurts. I don't know why I get dirty looks sometimes, and usually guys are more willing to talk to me, and usually not just to be friends. Then when they find out I have a boyfriend they don't want to bother with me.

I don't know what else I can do, I'm not trying to stand out. I just want to be seen as a friendly approachable person, and when people get to know me they really like me. I guess there's not much I can do about it, I know it's just how people are sometimes.

The worst part is in the past couple years I've been struggling with cancer and endometriosis. Which involves missing a lot of school and work, a lot of doctors appointments and treatments along with surgery. I don't like to bother other people with these problems. My boss knows what's going on and I have FMLA, but it hasn't helped my social situation. People look at me even more now. Maybe they're just trying to figure out what's going on, why I'm out of work and class so often. If they ask I'll tell them briefly, I'm open about it, but again I don't want to make it someone else's concern; its not really their business and I'm not looking for sympathy.

I don't want to walk around with a sign around my neck that says" I have cancer", or "I just want to be accepted", but this isolation really sucks.

[JewelD]

I think most of this is in your head. The idea that people will ostracize a woman simply for being pretty just doesn't happen as often as 'pretty' people would like to think.

 

The truth is, everybody is mostly concerned about themselves. Hating a person who has done nothing to them is probably the furthest thing from their minds. Especially at work when everyone is supposed to be working.

 

What behavior are you expecting in order to not feel ostracized? I think you're a bit paranoid. Unless someone has said something to you, you don't know what they're thinking or how they feel.

 

I wouldn't be worried about it, you're there to work and make a living, you don't have to be popular with your co-workers.

[preraph]

If you have really large breasts, then yes, men will gawk, and yes, it does suck. I can't imagine anyone else, like women in the office, are having many thoughts about you one way or the other, though, except they notice the men gawking. So how you react to that will determine what they think of you. You sound pretty passive to me, but I can't know for sure. If you are dropping your eyes when you catch guys looking and being submissive about it, you are only making the problem worse and easier for them to do. You should be very alert and demand eye contact and you can just act sharp and like their rude stares are not going unnoticed, and you can even say a sharp, "Excuse me" if you catch them looking there instead of at your eyes. A woman I knew had a problem with this as well, but we were in a casual work environment, so she would just straight-up call the guys degrading names when they did it. It's very rude. Maybe that particular office isn't well-policed for this stuff or something, but a lot of places, they wouldn't do that.

 

As far as how you dress, of course, it's fine, but if you really want to cover your chest, start wearing blazers. Hard to see past a blazer. Good luck.