Friendship Takes Possible Hit While Mother Falls Ill

[alwaysgreener]

Sort of a segue way from a thread I started about being kind of bummed out over how I don't talk to friends like I used to since I transitioned into family life.

 

I haven't spoken with one of my closest friends much since around February.

Me and my fiance were invited to his wife's birthday dinner at a high priced restaurant. After I spent the money I had set aside for the dinner (unexpected cost at the dentist's office, his dentist office btw, and a night out with other friends that went over budget), I had to call him and let him know that we wouldn't be able to make it as I looked up and realized I didn't have $150 plus to spend. He was obviously disappointed I could tell.

 

Possibly adding insult to injury, my fiance had made prior plans (before our dinner invite) to hang out with my other friend's wife and other ladies which she went ahead and went through with since we didn't go. It's likely his wife saw the pics on Facebook.

 

The next weekend when I spoke to him, I was very apologetic and basically held myself accountable for not being able to support him and his wife on a important night for her. He seemed to take it well and basically said it was just water under the bridge, all was good.

 

He's usually a rational and forgiving person, and we've been associates going back to 95 and very good friends for about the last 10 years. Over the years we've each had our moments (as happens in a friendship) that we would address/apologize and move on from. After his time however, I hadn't heard from him since then.

 

His wife and my fiance talk on occasion, and about a month ago my gf mentioned that I should call my friend to offer support as his mother has became very sick and he had been splitting his time between work and traveling out of town to be with his mother. I called him, he filled me in what was going on plus small talk and after few more minutes got off the phone. It's normal for him to abruptly need to call me back but normally he'll get back to me no later than a few days, and I still haven't heard from him yet.

 

Now clearly his mom's health takes priority, and I feel like I need maybe apologize again, but I don't want to come off selfish as if that's the only thing going on in his world. I would consider myself one of 2 or 3 other guys in his inner circle of friends and I'm guessing he's still keeping up with the rest of the guys. On the other hand, I've been there for him virtually 100% of time in whatever he needed through good and bad so one time I miss something shouldn't change much imo. Plus at this point it's so long ago I'm sure he would say he's not even thinking about it, and I don't want to bring up and feel silly in light of everything on his plate right now.

 

This is my main confidant, we both went from drinking by noon bachelors to starting families at the same time and I don't want to have the friendship downgraded as we had already started talking less as life's demands changed but I'm not sure how to proceed at this point.

Edited May 31, 2016 by alwaysgreener

[alwaysgreener]

Hate to bump my own stuff up, but no takers?

 

Maybe I'm too wordy again.

 

So... how to I reconcile with a friend that may or may not be even thinking about my past transgression as he deals with a mother in the hospital? I've made myself available and he said everything was fine but he just doesn't hit me up to talk anymore.

[preraph]

I think you've done all you can do by explaining and apologizing. I don't think this one incident will make him stop being friends with you. He probably just has a lot on his mind right now with his sick mom. It's okay if your wife went and did something else. You told him it was about money. he doesn't know that whatever your wife did necessarily cost money. $150 is a lot of money to ask of someone to spend on their behalf, you know.

 

Keep checking to see if his mom is better, and once she is out of the woods, you and your wife should just invite them over for dinner to make up for missing the last one. Good luck.

[alwaysgreener]

I think you've done all you can do by explaining and apologizing. I don't think this one incident will make him stop being friends with you. He probably just has a lot on his mind right now with his sick mom. It's okay if your wife went and did something else. You told him it was about money. he doesn't know that whatever your wife did necessarily cost money. $150 is a lot of money to ask of someone to spend on their behalf, you know.

 

Keep checking to see if his mom is better, and once she is out of the woods, you and your wife should just invite them over for dinner to make up for missing the last one. Good luck.

 

Thanks. Your right and that's a great suggestion. I've put a high value on the friendship, and I miss confiding with him and usually I would know the play by play on his life right now, I just kinda miss it. Lol I come here because I have one less person to vent to...