Friend's Husband Asked Me a Strange Favor

[MissCongeniality]

So I'm a dominatrix and I used to be good at keeping this part of my life a secret but that didn't stick. I will be quick one of my friend's her husband asked me to dominate him and full fill a fantasy of his now there's no sex or anything and he's willing to pay me a lot of money. The only problem is I'm trying to be a better person and there was a time when I'd just accept his offer because well my morals are flexible but again I'm trying to be a better person.

 

I feel like I'm in a difficult position because if I say no does that mean I have to tell my friend? That could put me in a shoot the messanger type situation and I don't want that on the other hand if I don't tell her and he goes and finds some stranger and she finds out I know I could get dragged into it.

 

My therapist has been telling me that thinking of and or putting others before myself is a sign of maturity and growth but it sucks because now I'm in this situation because my friend's idiot husband can't man up and tell her his fantasy.

 

What I want to know is what is the right thing to do? Every scenario I come up with ends in my friendship being ruined if I suggest he be more oppened he could tell her he asked me and she might get mad it's like I'm screwed no matter what.

Edited May 23, 2016 by MissCongeniality

[Cherryz]

I dont know the kind of person you are or environment you live in

or lifestyle you have.

 

But if it was someone that have nothing to do with this it would have been more easy to give a advice.

 

But if this type of stuff is your lifestyle and also your friends lifestyle or she is or was also very free in this type of things its different type of situation.

 

Either way its wrong of her husband to contact anyone to touch his body.

Or do anything like that to him.

 

Why would he ask you? Did you give him some kind of vibe that you are a easy target or someone that like to keep secrets? Or that's how your friendship with him and her is based on, on having secrets toghater?

Because i dont think someone that want to do certain things will go close to home to make it happen for no reason.

 

And either way if you are a real friend and really changing your ways i dont understand why this is even a topic?!

You should have tell him no and to back off!

But it seems like you do want to do it, but you afraid of the outcome.

And that's a concern.

Peoples husband or bf coming to you for stuff like that should be a no go for you right away! ANd not be something you need to take time and therapist to think about rather you should do it or no.

 

Once you tell him no rigth away, its not your problem anymore what he do or not do.

And he is a grown man and choose his own ways.

And he is not your husband so dont make it your business what he will do once you say no.

[Taramere]

What he suggested is disrespectful towards you, his wife and towards your friendship with his wife. I would tell the guy that. I'd tell him to discuss it with his wife, so that they have a fighting chance of fixing whatever needs fixed in their relationship - and give him a deadline for telling her... "or I will."

 

And then I'd probably leave it there. In terms of...I wouldn't ask him for evidence that he'd spoken to her. I don't think I'd want to get involved in the situation to that level where I was insisting on such evidence "or I'll tell her". I think giving him the message of "no" and telling him to speak to his wife about it is pretty much fulfilling your responsibilities (towards his wife) as much as you need to here.

 

If you tell her what happened, I think there's a very strong chance that she's going to have a major fall out with you, and I wouldn't completely rule out the possibility that that's what he's hoping for. If, for instance, he disapproves of his wife being friends with you. I'm presuming he wouldn't make the suggestion he's made to you unless he had some knowledge of your history.

[elaine567]

I would keep all proof of his communication with you because if his wife finds out inadvertently, he is going to blame you for touting for business, as opposed to him requesting your services.

[sandylee1]

Don't do it.

 

Why would he even ask you and not go and find another dominatrix?

 

It's quite insulting and disrespectful to his wife.

[SoleMate]

Definitely don't service him.

 

As to telling your friend........hmm, awkward......If you must tell her, I'd do it in the lowest key way possible. "Your H asked me to do <X>.......I'm assuming he was trying to be funny, and of course I said no." And then don't be drawn into any speculation about his possible state of mind, motivations, desires, etc. and change the topic immediately. But the reality is that your friendship has just been put at high risk of collapse by the H's behavior.

[MissCongeniality]

Don't do it.

 

Why would he even ask you and not go and find another dominatrix?

 

It's quite insulting and disrespectful to his wife.

Honestly I don't even know why he'd ask me all he said was that he never explored his fantasy but always wanted to and had no idea how to find a local dominatrix. I mean I could refer him to someone I know but then I'd be playing a part in his cheating which I have no desire to do.

[CarrieT]

Ask his wife if she would mind.

 

That should help make the decision pretty clear...

[MissCongeniality]

Ask his wife if she would mind.

 

That should help make the decision pretty clear...

That's what I'm planning. It's best to just get all out in the open consequences be damned.

[jen1447]

Assuming the wife is your primary friend in this, just act accordingly. You don't prioritize an acquaintance over a friend, right? Whether it's hard or dicey or not is really irrelevant.

 

What does being a "better person" mean btw? Do you view being a dominatrix as somehow bad or do you just mean in the context of not taking this particular job offer?

[sandylee1]

Honestly I don't even know why he'd ask me all he said was that he never explored his fantasy but always wanted to and had no idea how to find a local dominatrix. I mean I could refer him to someone I know but then I'd be playing a part in his cheating which I have no desire to do.

 

I'm sure he could Google it or something. There's gotta be websites for it out there. It's like he wants it to be you specifically.

 

Even if his wife says it's okay ... isn't it too close for comfort. Mixing business with pleasure and all that.

[MissCongeniality]

Assuming the wife is your primary friend in this, just act accordingly. You don't prioritize an acquaintance over a friend, right? Whether it's hard or dicey or not is really irrelevant.

 

What does being a "better person" mean btw? Do you view being a dominatrix as somehow bad or do you just mean in the context of not taking this particular job offer?

I don't veiw my job as bad it's just money is really tight and part of me is thinking this could solve that problem for me. But I'm trying not think like that. Even though part of me is thinking I'm screwed no matter what and I might as well get something out of it. However I'm actively trying to do what most would consider the right thing.

 

I'm sure he could Google it or something. There's gotta be websites for it out there. It's like he wants it to be you specifically.

 

Even if his wife says it's okay ... isn't it too close for comfort. Mixing business with pleasure and all that.

I agree he seemed very interested in me accepting. I haven't really spoken to my friend we're meeting for lunch in a bit. So I'm hoping to figure out a solution.

[jen1447]

I don't veiw my job as bad it's just money is really tight and part of me is thinking this could solve that problem for me. But I'm trying not think like that. Even though part of me is thinking I'm screwed no matter what and I might as well get something out of it. However I'm actively trying to do what most would consider the right thing.

 

Ok. In that case, the right thing is to look after your friend's best interests and rat out the guy. (And don't take the job, obvs. That would put you way out of neutral territory into co-conspirator land.)

 

My attitude toward the guy would be "Let me get this straight - you come to me with a proposition that'll hurt my friend and you don't think I'll have her back? Big mistake."

[MissCongeniality]

Okay so I talked to my friend about it. She knows which surprised me. Even more surprising she said "Yeah I know I told him to ask you." Now I am more confused. I was under the impression this was all him. Why couldn't she just ask me?

[whichwayisup]

Okay so I talked to my friend about it. She knows which surprised me. Even more surprising she said "Yeah I know I told him to ask you." Now I am more confused. I was under the impression this was all him. Why couldn't she just ask me?

 

That is weird. She should have approached you first. Fact that she knows about his fantasies and that he asked you makes me wonder if she was just as uncomfortable to tell you upfront just like you were uncomfortable to tell her about what her H asked you.

 

Maybe she doesn't get involved in his fantasies and who he goes to?

[MissCongeniality]

That is weird. She should have approached you first. Fact that she knows about his fantasies and that he asked you makes me wonder if she was just as uncomfortable to tell you upfront just like you were uncomfortable to tell her about what her H asked you.

 

Maybe she doesn't get involved in his fantasies and who he goes to?

 

Maybe but she said something that really got me upset she said she obviously was not into it so naturally I was the best choice since she trusts me the underlying message is she assumes I'd be okay with it. Worst part I said yes have you ever agreed to do something for a friend and then instantly regretted it? I can't believe I let her pressure me like this.

[jen1447]

Sounds strange. You didn't ask her why she didn't ask you?

[CarrieT]

You said yes but you can still reneg; tell them you don't want to jeopardize the friendship and have had second thoughts.

[Methodical]

I'm kind of scratching my head. Maybe your friendship isn't as tight as you thought.

 

If hubs had a fantasy that I couldn't fulfilled but wanted him to have the opportunity to see it thru, and I had a friend who provided services tailored to his fantasy, I'd approach her and see if she was comfy with it. If so, great, let's set this up. If not, cool, thanks for being honest.

 

This has gone down in a way that almost seems like a loyalty test. I mean, you were under the impression that he was propositioning you unbeknownst to his wife. Why didn't he tell you she knew and was cool with it/suggested he ask you?

 

She didn't approach you and he let you believe this was on the lowdown for a large sum of money. Sorry, this all sounds like some sort of set up. Weird.

[MissCongeniality]

Sounds strange. You didn't ask her why she didn't ask you?

 

Her answer was something like "His fetish his problem." I guess she doesn't feel responsible for his needs or whatever. Then again I am on less than four hours so hard to keep track.

[Tayla]

Correct, the wife is a support system, not a slave to his desires. Her way of supporting her husbands desire was to offer an alternate surrogate...a dom.

Some marriages can define alternate surrogates as acceptable ...sounds like she has.

 

You may want to clarify to some of the posters that this profession is dependent on people seeking you out, whether they have a ring on or not is irrelevant. I'd assume at least a good percentage of clientele does come from the marital division. Since you are also married and working to provide it shouldn't be of concern...its a business and it comes with challenges to appease the client. Hopefully this is legal in the state or area of participation.

 

you are always free to say no to any offer , its your business.

[MissCongeniality]

Correct, the wife is a support system, not a slave to his desires. Her way of supporting her husbands desire was to offer an alternate surrogate...a dom.

Some marriages can define alternate surrogates as acceptable ...sounds like she has.

 

You may want to clarify to some of the posters that this profession is dependent on people seeking you out, whether they have a ring on or not is irrelevant. I'd assume at least a good percentage of clientele does come from the marital division. Since you are also married and working to provide it shouldn't be of concern...its a business and it comes with challenges to appease the client. Hopefully this is legal in the state or area of participation.

 

you are always free to say no to any offer , its your business.

Your right I can say no but I think I'll give it a shot.

[jen1447]

Your right I can say no but I think I'll give it a shot.

 

If it'll be a big payday and everyone knows and no one cares, why not?

[preraph]

Honestly I don't even know why he'd ask me all he said was that he never explored his fantasy but always wanted to and had no idea how to find a local dominatrix. I mean I could refer him to someone I know but then I'd be playing a part in his cheating which I have no desire to do.

 

What do you mean you don't know why he asked you? He asked you because he's a man and he knows you are a paid prostitute and he expects you, like all the other paid prostitutes, to keep his secrets for him.

 

And are you seriously playing that game with yourself? "There's be no sex or anything?" If he's getting off, there's sex! Don't pretend you don't know that.

 

If you care anything about your friend, tell him no and tell your friend he asked and even then, be prepared to lose her. He already knows what his wife is like. He wants variety and you more or less fell into his lap.

[NTV]

I think you should do it, but charge him double and come see me when you're done with him!

 

 

 

 

just kidding... you've got your hands full. for me it'd depend on the money. a years worth of wages or more? yeah I'd say that'd be understandable to do.

 

 

Less? eh, not worth it