Why is it so hard to make friends as adults?

[confuzed25]

So i am a female in my late 20's. I met a new girl at work a few months ago...I wouldnt say we really hit it off right away but I thought I could definitely see us being friends. After a few weeks she friend requested me on Facebook and I thought maybe she was interested in being friends also. We usually work different shifts so I don't usually see her but 1-2x a week at work and we actually go to the same gym so we work out together sometimes.

 

The more we got to know each other at work we realized we have some things in common and we had a lot of laughs. She would seek me out at work just to come talk to me and was "liking" and commenting on almost all of my Facebook statuses. I invited her to a couple things which she was not able to come but she had good reasons why she couldnt make it and she thanked me for the invite. She started asking me to go to the gym with her and invited me to go to a comedy show of a comedian we both like which is happening in a couple weeks. She seemed excited about it and we would talk about it a lot.

 

Then suddenly she seemed different...stopped seeking me out at work, she doesn't ever "like" my Facebook statuses anymore which seems silly but it's a change I noticed. Also she has not been coming to the gym. She doesn't mention going to that show together anymore. When we are around each other at work she does sometimes strike up a conversation and she laughs at my jokes. But I just feel like instead of getting closer we are drifting apart. Maybe I talked too much and got annoying...I dont know? I dont think I did anything wrong...its just like one minute she seemed to be putting in an effort to be friends with me and then suddenly I feel like she has no interest in becoming friends. So my question is...am I overreacting do you think? Should I back off? I just feell like it's hard to make friends as an adult...like you can come off as creepy and I hope I did not do that. Any advice would be appreciated.

[preraph]

It does sound like something made her backpeddle. Maybe she realized that your personalities didn't really mesh and didn't want to get in any deeper because of working together. You mentioned talking too much, so maybe she realized you were desperate for a friend and was afraid of you becoming too needy for her or something. That can scare people off sometimes. Anyway, you shouldn't make any attempts to invite her to anything and just back off but be friendly when she talks to you. Then see if she ever re-engages or not. Good luck.

[The_Dork_Lard]

The nature of making friends changes dramatically as you move through adulthood. Making friends at 35 is a whole lot different to making friends at 15.

 

I'm 37, and I've made friends with a 47 year old man at work. We're very alike, and he's very open about his innermost self and we generally laugh, talk, and banter with each other. He's the only person at work (out of 100+) I communicate with outside work - all of which is texting and emailing.

 

But sometimes I notice he is distant for a couple of weeks, then he comes alive again and we're great mates... for a month or so, then another apparent drifting, rinse and repeat.

 

I find it's more fulfilling to enjoy the flows and accept the ebbs without any expectation of what the future may hold. In the meantime, I try to be open and positive with at least half the people I work with in the vague hope one day I might make a new quality friend. They do come from time to time, and when they do, being older and more experienced helps you recognise the opportunity.

[carnelian]

As we age it becomes increasingly more difficult to make friends, especially good ones. We are very entrenched with our habits, work and life style, set in our ways. People are judgmental. At your age, friends should not be hard to get, depending on what you expect from one. You might have someone to hang out with, or someone you like to go shopping with or you see only at a club or organization, etc. Or someone who will only talk on the phone. Even the best of friends part ways after enough years.

Your question is universal: Aristotle in ancient times wrote that young people finds friends easy, but not older ones. He was right.