sarah999 Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 So this guy from church from several years ago, keeps sending me email gift cards and greeting cards on my birthday and christmas every year, even after i quit going to church several yrs ago. I don't want to keep taking his stuff but I can't exactly "not accept" an email gift card. Randomly throughout the year he offers free ticket to shows or something and I'd respectfully decline. Last time I saw him at a group event, he seemed really nervous and chatty around me. I don't contact him much anymore except when he does send an occasional email and I just try to be nice and polite. But the gift cards keep coming and every time I tell him he doesn't need to do that, and I feel bad taking that stuff. If I reciprocate with gift cards, will he get the wrong idea? Is it weird to send gift cards like that or am I reading too much into it? It feels weird for me to take stuff and I am not interested in him. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 Block him or mail them back. Get the pastor to intervene. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 ^ I agree. He obviously has something more than a crush. The fact he hasn't done what one should do and just ask you out and then move on is a red flag. I honestly think you should block him. Do NOT reciprocate unless you have a romantic interest in him or you will NEVER get rid of him. I mean, he can be anywhere on a spectrum from obsessed with you to maybe not having many friends and trying to keep the ones he does have, but as you have declined invitations already and are not seeing him socially, I think you should make him move on by just blocking him. He may decide to "be sure" you did it intentionally and try to corner you though, so look out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarah999 Posted May 8, 2016 Author Share Posted May 8, 2016 Thanks for the replies. He also has a habit of endorsing all my skills on Linkedin even though his job has barely anything to do with mine. And almost everything I post on facebook he likes. I have a feeling this is weird? I have zero interest in him and I am already dating someone else anyways. He is kind of awkward and doesn't have many friends, I fear if I block him he will find out and get upset. Link to post Share on other sites
urmysong Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 Let him be upset or feel something not nice. So he can move on and conclude that You are not interested in him. He has to wake up. Cause if You will not block him, he will continue to hope that You will like him sooner.... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 You have to let them know you blocked them or they will not give up. This is pretty obsessive. He will take any interaction or tolerance for his presence as "maybe." He NEEDS to know you are done. A person like this can obsess for years and it can keep them from moving on in their life. The longer you let him be invested, the harder it will be to get rid of him. It's not proper to take cards and things from him if you have a boyfriend. If you use that as an excuse, however, he will simply stalk you until he finds out on social media you no longer have a boyfriend and then start up again. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. It's in his best interest he knows you have nothing for him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarah999 Posted May 8, 2016 Author Share Posted May 8, 2016 Good point. I guess I will have to do what I have to do. I hope he can start putting his time and energy into finding someone else... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 Right before you block him, you could write him and tell him that as you've told him before, you can't accept any more gifts from him and that because he didn't stop the first time you asked, now it's made you uncomfortable and that you feel you need to break ties. Then block him. Don't forget to change phone number if needed. Block email and social media or whatever else he has to reach you. Ask friends not to share info with him about you. Good luck. Of course, if you want, you can just block him and be done with it, but he'll probably find some way to come around and make sure you didn't accidentally block him or something. If you just never respond to when he sends you stuff, maybe he'll at least start wondering if he's wasting money on cards you're not using. I know you probably hate to do it, but you could close down that email account so he'd get a message when it bounced back on him. Otherwise, he may never even know you've blocked his email, only that you're not responding. But once you've let him know you're breaking ties or not responding or blocking him, do not relent and keep chatting with him about anything or it will all have been for nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Tailor2000 Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 I like to think about peoples birthdays and Christmas and like to give gifts and cards myself, and sometimes I see something that reminds me of someone and I get it for that person. I don't mean anything by it, I just like spreading a bit of happiness and encouragement. Be absolutely careful that this isn't the case. Could you be more direct with him - in other words just direct ask him if he likes you and make sure he knows that you don't feel the same way? Apart from that, is he a nice person that you can get along with? Is there any part of you that might be interested in him, which is why you're worried about how your actions would look? Link to post Share on other sites
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