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Taking someone for granted


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A good friend has gone quiet recently, ignored contact etc, and has only just made contact with a fairly standard "hi" sort of message. I do still want this person in my life, but I also don't want them to feel they can just come and go as they please and ignore me when they feel like it - yet reach out when they want to. My question is, how do you phrase a statement like that - put across my point, without it sounding needy or end up pushing them away. I have an idea, but just wanted some other viewpoints on this. In some ways, it feels like being ghosted on and now the ghoster has come back and you want to make it clear that although you want them in your life, you're not going to take that sh*t from them, or anyone. Mutual respect I guess. Anyway, opinions and advice welcomed.

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PrettyEmily77
I do still want this person in my life, but I also don't want them to feel they can just come and go as they please and ignore me when they feel like it - yet reach out when they want to.

 

Tell them just that.

 

I have a couple of friends like that but to be honest, I don't mind that much. I hear their stories when they get in touch if I'm free / bothered, meet them for the occasional drink and leave them to it when they don't get in touch. I can't change them so I accept them for who they are.

 

I find it easier not to have expectations; that way, you're always pleasantly surprised when they meet your 'standards' :).

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Thanks for that Emily. Yeah I agree totally, just does wind me up a tad when I reach out, I get nothing back. Yet I'm not the type to ignore someone - a text takes less than a minute.

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Got a mate who i don`t see very often.

 

Out of the blue he`ll call me and ask me...

 

`Err, Haydn, how`s things?`

 

`Good, good to hear from you Glen`

 

`I was wondering`

 

`Yes Glen?`

 

`Are you anywhere near City airport today?`

 

`Why Glen?`

 

`Mum`s flying in from Barca, if your nearby can you pick her up?`

 

`No Glen, i can`t`

 

It`s so random, he does it to all of us. 6 months goes by......Then this.

 

We all have a laugh about it because its been the same for years.

 

When we do all meet up, we each tell him,

 

`No mate, I`m not going to Deptford, Romford, Crawley, or Kings Lynn tomorrow morning.

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PrettyEmily77
Thanks for that Emily. Yeah I agree totally, just does wind me up a tad when I reach out, I get nothing back. Yet I'm not the type to ignore someone - a text takes less than a minute.

 

Don't let it wind you up. If you feel the friendship is uneven, step back a notch and make yourself less available.

 

Unless it's an absolute emergency or work-related, I don't always reply to emails / texts from friends or even my SO within the hour / the day, depending on the circumstances. Most of my friends are the same, as is my partner. If I text and don't get a reply back, I assume the person is busy or not in hurry to reply, which is fine. I don't take it personally and let them get back to me in their own time - there are worst things, in the great scheme :).

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Thank both of you - are you sure we don't have the same friends?

 

I've known and cut out of my life those types of people who only ever make contact when they want something. They always come in with a friendly hello, ask about you and everything, then it quickly moves on to the reason. Whether I help or not, they're usually gone straight afterwards. So annoying.

 

It's not so much winding me up this, as wanting to verbally slap them a wake up call without the risk of losing their friendship. Thanks again.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Offspring
They always come in with a friendly hello, ask about you and everything, then it quickly moves on to the reason.

 

Haha, this happens to me too. So annoying.

 

a) you don't have to text back straight away; b) make yourself less available. Phine calls are always better than texts. Be purposeful in your communications!

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