Do I cut her out of my life?

[Sunberry]

I have a friend who whenever we go out and have fun, she tends to put me in terrible situations I don't want to be in. Last time we hung out she drunkingly stole someone's phone, and smashed it, and told me just to never go back to the bar she took it from (which wasn't fair because I live here; the owner of the phone then prompted to contact her saying she knows once of us took it to which she lied). There's a couple more, but that's just one example.

 

She tells me I'm her only friend, and her parents told me to always stay around. Well, after that stunt I was wary. IMy calls and texts were limited to once every couple weeks, etc.--I was just so tired of always being put in terrible situations, and was going to talk to her about it, but the issue with her whenever someone confronts her about issues, she denies them, argues, and cuts them off.

 

I went home (she moved there and I honestly forgot), and saw other people and thought about what to say to her when I call her. When I got back to my university and texted her, she exclaimed she was upset I didn't go see her. I apologized, and was honest. From then she just stopped talking to me.

 

I have a tiny birthday party soon, and wanted to see if me and another friend (who also stopped talking to her for the same reason) to just catch up and stuff, but she never responded to my texts.

 

Should I let her go and just deal with it? Do I call anyway to see how she is? I'm worried about her all the time...

[d0nnivain]

Just let her go. She's destructive. You don't need this & you are not responsible for her.

[TaraMaiden2]

You're permitting yourself to be manipulated by her. Why is that?

 

You need to examine your principles and establish your boundaries.

 

It's all very well being someone's friend, but if they use you, and abuse the friendship, then they're not a good friend, and you're being patsied.

[Sunberry]

You're permitting yourself to be manipulated by her. Why is that?

 

You need to examine your principles and establish your boundaries.

 

It's all very well being someone's friend, but if they use you, and abuse the friendship, then they're not a good friend, and you're being patsied.

 

I never thought I was being manipulated.

 

At this point, I've evaluated the reason I'm still around is because she has no close friends and I don't want her to feel like she's alone. I was alone once and it was terrible.Another reason being is I just get a terrible feeling whenever I lose a friend especially if I feel like I've done something wrong.

 

I am a patsy...I'm slowly trying not to be..

[preraph]

If someone does something that stupid in front of you, you should bust them on it right then and there and go tell the person who did it. You can be quiet about it if you want but if you want it to stop, then you should bust her right out in the open and yell "OH, MY GOD, DID YOU JUST BREAK THAT PERSON'S PHONE????"

[todreaminblue]

i really feel strongly that you should talk to her...i understand that you are aware of what happens when she is confronted and you dont want to confront her....but you have been a friend that has stuck around and by her.....part of friendship is the fact that even though things get hairy...you still speak truth..not all sunshine and support but straight truth is needed sometimes...truth illicits change where needed....as tara said establish boundaries....let her know those boundaries and when she crosses them always.....let her know and feel consequence.....everyone is responsible when we hit adulthood for our own actions and with that comes consequence of our actions.....

 

if she cuts you off that is her choice to be that way...you did the right thing by her by being open and honest and considerate with her but standing strong to your own values and beliefs what your friendship should be about...... and the fact that if she cuts you off it was she who destroyed the friendship then..which is of course a consequence of her actions she will eventually have to face......good luck.....deb

[basil67]

Yes, cut her out of your life. If she's alone, it's entirely her fault for not admitting that she has problems.

[SpiralOut]

She doesn't sound interested in talking to you. Count that as a blessing. You deserve better friends than that. Don't worry about whether she has friends or not. She makes her own choices in life and you aren't responsible for her happiness.

[brittly42]

Thank you for reaching out. That's a tough situation, and it's normal to feel frustrated and betrayed. Have you made an ultimatum to your friend- get help or our relationship will be on hold until you do? You could offer the contact information of counselors in your area and even offer to go along to the first session to make it less intimidating. This conversation will be tough, and it's important to bring as much compassion and love as possible. Ultimately, your friend needs to know they have crossed a line, and you're not willing to cross it anymore. This conversation may be the turning for your friend to make changes they need.

 

You're in my thoughts and prayers!!

[Offspring]

she's alone.

 

She's alone because she behaves this way around others, and they're probably sick of her.

 

To stop being a Patsy, you need to establish boundaries around yourself, your behaviour (how much yr prepared to put up with etc), and what you're prepared to accept from other people.