How to resolve conflict in friendships?

[dragonfire13]

...and is it even worth it? Is it better to just cut them out if they're proving to be toxic?

 

The latter is my go-to move and it's left me with very few, if any, friends. I'm wondering if I'm too harsh/critical and have unrealistic expectations.

 

I always had the mentality "well, rather no friends than fake friends", but as I get older I'm trying to be more tolerant and mature. I mean, no-one's perfect and I'm sure I do things to annoy people as well.

 

The thing is, some of these situations I've found myself in with "friends" many would consider to be friendship dealbreakers, kind of like how you get relationship dealbreakers e.g being used, one-sided friendships etc. I feel like any person with an ounce of self respect would walk away.

 

If I continue to hang out with the person, I will grit my teeth, plaster a fake smile and try to rise above, but everything they say/do will inwardly grate on me and tends to just reaffirm their a**hole behaviour.

 

Past attempts to address and resolve an issue have ended in disaster and just made things worse. The friendship ends anyway, except now with a whole lot more drama.

 

Advice much appreciated.

[Deirdra]

Can you give some examples of your expectations?

Or, situations where you've felt others' behavior has been toxic? So, we could help determine if the issue is them or you?

 

Some people ARE simply messed up!

 

I recently learned of a "friend" who was secretly backstabbing me. We had no drama in our history, though she had personal trauma that left her with mental issues.

 

She abruptly ended our friendship. Seriously, out of nowhere. Then, she befriended a person who hates me. It seemed very intentional, scheming.

 

She had seemed so nice, so normal.

We--other friends too--found out later that she had been secretly spilling secrets to this woman about me--and others; the very woman she herself bad-mouthed and pretended to hate.

 

It was so bizarre, we eventually chalked it up to her mental issues. No one confronted her because there was no point. She is just messed-up. So, that is an example of someone who just is better left alone.

[deckard11]

Trust me, it's not and they aren't worth it.

[suzyhodge]

Unfortunately, probably each of us will experience a toxic friend, a user friend, a backstabber friend, etc. in our lifetimes, and probably more than one. It stinks, and for our own well being we have to distance ourselves.

 

However, when I speak with someone who says "every" friend they have ever had is a user or "every" friend they have ever had is this or that negative thing, I admit I am skeptical. because if the person has trouble in every single friendship they have, then one has to look at the common denominator...

[Arieswoman]

dragonfire13,

 

Is it better to just cut them out if they're proving to be toxic?

 

Absolutely.

 

Trust me, if they're toxic to you they'll be toxic to everybody - get rid and let them be someone else's problem.

[preraph]

People aren't perfect, and sometimes you just have to decide if the good outweighs the bad, but don't ever keep a friend who rips you off or betrays you.

[love1336x]

I know EXACTLY how you feel, and when you try to resolve the problem with the friends it doesn't end up the way you want it.

 

the way i see it, if you two are meant to be friends, you shall. If not, then you won't.

I had friends where we had BAD fallen out, and eventually have come back into my life. Best advice, simply let them go, and call it a day.

[Deirdra]

dragonfire13,

 

 

 

Absolutely.

 

Trust me, if they're toxic to you they'll be toxic to everybody - get rid and let them be someone else's problem.

 

Good advice.

 

Though I'm still interested to hear if the OP is being realistic or overly harsh in her expectations.