Does my old friend hate me?

[HansonGirl]

I moved away from this friend and haven't seen her in years, so this isn't like a pressing issue - but I just was curious because I feel a bit embarrassed.

I had this friend who was a couple years older than me. I stayed at her place when i visited her city and i feel as though i was a good guest - i took her out for dinner and gave her a little gift set as a thank you. Another time she said i am a very cordial and conscientious person. However, I did used to have issues with boys - i'd do foolish things. One time i got involved with a jerk and to told her about it and she sort of snapped at me, and I felt judged. I sort of backed away after that. Then I texted her to say hello and she said who is this. so upon identifying myself, i asked her if she was mad at me, and she ASSURED me that she was not, and that she just got a new phone so that's why she didn't have my number. but i still felt weird. so i think that was the last time i talked to her. I was sort of scared. well recently i decided to contact her when i was going to be in town and i said i'd love it if we could get together while i'm in town. but she never responded.

 

well i should also add that there were two additional odd situations that occurred that add to my feelings that she hates me. Around the time she snapped at me for the guy situation, i attended her wedding. During the wedding she kinda acted weird, like she was mad at me. I was very confused by this, as i had flown in just for her wedding. I felt like she was disappointed perhaps that i did not attend her pre-wedding greeting thingy. I feel bad that I missed it, but she never SAID that, so i had no idea why she was acting that way. I also was not sure at the time if that was mandatory or customary - i guess you can say i didn't think it was THAT big of a deal that I missed it. It was like a meet and greet thing before the ceremony, and i think a cultural thing - it's not done in my culture so I honestly was not famiiar with it. Then the day after her wedding was a brunch. I went to the brunch and was there for over an hour when she (the new bride) finally showed up, and unfortunately by then my mom was coming to pick me up (I had to rely on my mom while i was there for the wedding because I didn't have my own car, and her wedding was far away). well i had told my mom how about an hour and a half. so the bride shows up about 10 minutes before i was supposed to leave, and so when she came i said that i had to leave in ten minutes and she seemed very irritated and I think she didn't believe me or something.

 

well the other thing is that she has a fragile health condition. at one point, her best friend - who i only know through her - contacted me and another girl saying our friend was in the hospital. The other girl and I responded tryng to get information because we wanted to visit her. But the BFF never responded. So neither of us visited! So part of me feels like perhaps she was mad at me for that, but i saw her after that. I wonder if the friend deliberately did that and told our friend that we were bad friends for not visiting. it was odd. I also got a weird vibe from the BFF the last time I saw her. Like she disliked me.

 

I should also note that whenever we'd hang out she'd always invite this other girl (the one who was also informed she was in the hospital that time--who is still friends with her and was a bridesmaid in the wedding). so i was starting to wonder if she didn't want to hang out with me one-on-one, but she'd always ALWAYS follow up and make it happen - it wasn't like she was just avoiding me. it's just that she'd prefer to make it the 3 of us, rather than just me and her

 

So anyways, even though the last interaction she assured me that she wasn't mad at me at all and that she just had a new phone so that is why she didn't have my number.... what happened ? I am sad because i feel like i lost a friend. She never hinted to me about what I may have done to offend her, so I feel like I'm completely in the dark. Perhaps she just doesn't like me.

 

Like I said, i live far away from her now, so it's not a pressing issue, but I always thought of her as a friend but it was her recent tone and attitude and stuff that made me skittish and made me back away from her. The reason i started thinking of her again recently is because her mom added me on Linkedin! so that's why i contacted her to say hello. I don't intend to pester her or keep contacting her if she clearly doesn't wish to speak to me! but i don't understand why she wouldn't tell me why she (apparently?) deleted my phone number and seemed to hate me when she had the opportunity

 

the whole thing just makes me sad.

Thanks for reading.

[whichwayisup]

I don't think she hates you, maybe more like some time has gone by, life has kept her busy and you two have grown apart.

 

She's made no effort to keep in touch either.

 

It's up to you but if I would just let it go. Don't blame yourself, you didn't do anything wrong. It is possible that you two didn't have enough in common to begin with for her to want to continue to pursue the friendship.

[basil67]

While a handful of friends will stay in our lives forever, most will come and go. Don't bother chasing her up - while she probably doesn't hate you, she does seem to have moved on from the friendship.