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Guys who lose interest quickly

youdunsay

By youdunsay,
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youdunsay

youdunsay

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I don't understand why potential guys who approached me seemed to lose interest really quickly after two or three dates and the relationship soon diluted into acquaintance-alike friendship. Was it that they had sensed sex is likely not within reach or that I had nothing interesting to stimulate their interest further?

 

Not long ago I was seeing a guy on and off. He started off hot by suggesting dates and initiated a few. I reciprocated with another date. After that, we had a few lunch dates. Some were initiated by me. Three weeks ago, the previous two lunch dates were also initiated by me but they were all one-week apart.

 

Our lunch dates were rather awkward, filled with me dry-laughing and moments of silence. Honestly, I felt like they were appointments scheduled formally.

 

He hasn't initiate anything since then, except a text chat about my new profile picture.

 

About him: I do know he has a few pretty blondes (no offense but they are) and an odd-one-out girl around him whom he claimed to have no interest. My analysis tells me there is more to him with the odd-one-out girl (I caught his picture with a girl in the pool) or other girls whom I do not know. My sixth sense tells me he has lost interest.

 

The more I pour my thoughts here, the more I realized this: am I frustrated with yet another guy who has lost his interest or am I frustrated with myself unable to keep a guy stringing (my problem)?

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Atticus9292012

Atticus9292012

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Just guessing, maybe they aren't either sure of your interest, want to be friends or they weren't interested for some reason and kept hanging out because they didn't want to say no. I am not good at dating at all....if I want to see you I will text you, but unfortunately if a guy wants to see you they will keep putting in the effort....If my attempts are not reciprocated or they aren't doing any asking I move on. Unfortunately some guys just want to date and if sex doesn't happen or someone else comes along that peaks their interest they move along.

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Toodaloo

Toodaloo

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Our lunch dates were rather awkward, filled with me dry-laughing and moments of silence. Honestly, I felt like they were appointments scheduled formally.

 

This is why you are getting

 

He hasn't initiate anything since then, except a text chat about my new profile picture.

 

this.

 

I am sorry to say that these guys probably feel no spark and see you as pretty dull and hard work with no fun.

 

This also would probably get better responses in "dating" rather than "friendship".

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preraph

preraph

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Guys are not that interested in being just friends and lots of guys on OLD are only looking to get laid as soon as possible and will just move on. Then if you contact them, they think you're ready to have sex finally and will see you, but then if it's still nada, they'll move on. But that's a good thing. It filters out the ones not really looking for anything but sex.

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Kics

Kics

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Did you meet this guys online? I try OkCupid and most of the guys were interested in just hooking up, with a few exceptions. It seems that young guys don't care to get into a relationship :/ I had this guy at the gym started talking to me and would wait for me to arrive at the gym and I started to like him and out of nowhere he disappeared, so made me question myself and its something that we shouldn't do. We are more than good enough!

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Emilia

Emilia

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Sounds like you need to work on your personality a bit. To be a little bubblier, sound and look more interested. Develop better conversation skills

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Miss Peach

Miss Peach

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There is a book called 'Why He Didn't Call you Back' by Rachel Greenwald where she interviewed hundreds of guys to understand why they didn't ask for another date. I also found Evan Marc Katz's blog helpful at understanding some of the things men look for.

 

If you aren't doing any of these things then I would assume they were looking for sex or it just wasn't a match.

 

While it might be possible a guy is trolling for sex and not wanting to get into a relationship, many of the ones who are tend to categorize us into playthings or keepers. You also could be doing/saying something to be put into the plaything category and when they don't get any sex they determine your price is too high and bail.

 

FWIW I wait for men to ask me out early on. But the times I've broken this rule the men seem to assume I am easy so they go out because they don't have to do any work and think they're more likely to get laid.

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Toodaloo

Toodaloo

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One easy way is to get the guy talking about himself. Ask questions about sports he likes, food he likes, what his dreams are... Get him on a subject he can't shut up about and let him do the work if you feel awkward.

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youdunsay

youdunsay

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be a little bubblier, sound and look more interested.

 

Like all the dry laughters were not enough to kill space and make him interested? How much entertainment does a guy need to feel entertained to continued to be interested?

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phineas

phineas

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Are they going for the kiss?

Are you letting them kiss?

 

If a woman won't kiss me on a first date then I don't call her for a second because it shows non-interest to me.

She has to ask me out for the 2nd date and if there is still no kiss then there won't be a third.

 

And for those who claim "i don't kiss on the first date...blah,blah,blah the majority of women do kiss on the first date to make sure a man knows they are interested.

 

If you don't you might want to consider making a change.

I'm not talking tongue but just a closed mouth kiss to convey attraction on your part.

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Empire87

Empire87

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Just because you're going out with a guy a few times or talking/texting regularly, doesn't mean that they are invested in you or interest in the level you're assuming. If your time together isn't enjoyable and exciting, even if it's just sitting at lunch for an hour then I think it's safe to say that these guys aren't as interested as you think or emotionally matching your feelings .

 

It's fine not to have sex or want a physical relationship to be established until you're ready. However you should be comfortable with at least progressing to kissing one another and other basic affection/flirting that can illustrate your attraction both ways. Since you're having awkward moments and gaps in the convos with them, then I think you need to reserve your assumptions that guys are potential partners when in fact they're just guys who felt like going out and seeing if you were fun to be around and then after a few weeks or dates where nothing is wow'ing them or being made to look forward to, they move on. That's completely normal.

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youdunsay

youdunsay

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Are they going for the kiss?

Are you letting them kiss?

 

If a woman won't kiss me on a first date then I don't call her for a second because it shows non-interest to me.

No.

I gave him space.

I don't initiate kiss.

 

However you should be comfortable with at least progressing to kissing one another and other basic affection/flirting that can illustrate your attraction both ways. Since you're having awkward moments and gaps in the convos with them, then I think you need to reserve your assumptions that guys are potential partners when in fact they're just guys who felt like going out and seeing if you were fun to be around and then after a few weeks or dates where nothing is wow'ing them or being made to look forward to, they move on.

 

I could feel his distance on our last hangout and I reciprocated the same. I guess the relationship has simmered into a normal platonic friendship but oh well, it's time to forget about it and move on.

 

Then to think of it, one could have those fun lovey-dovey memorable first dates with any guy. The crux is whether it will last after the n-th dates.

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Otter2569

Otter2569

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If it happened once in a while I would say its them (and t could be the wrong guys still) but it sounds like this happens to you a lot so I says it has more to do with you. You may be giving off some bad vibes.

 

Why not ask your friends and or the these guys what happened? You may get some good feedback for you to work on.

 

When I go on a date I always have a few questions in my pocket just in case the conversation goes flat.

 

As a guy I lose interest quick if the date is boring, they are rude / poorly mannered, there's no connection, there is no sign of interest on her part ( including a solid exit kiss).

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Emilia

Emilia

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Like all the dry laughters were not enough to kill space and make him interested? How much entertainment does a guy need to feel entertained to continued to be interested?

 

Pretty much a constant upkeep I'm afraid, it's a skill you need to learn.

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youdunsay

youdunsay

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And I forgot a crucial problem. I think it is really mainly me. I am less demonstrative in terms of touching, let alone in the public. It's like I can't pour myself, looking earnestly, or rubbing the arms of a guy that I am interested in such that the whole street is looking at us. Is this a deal breaker?

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