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Finding Authentic Friends


healingsoul

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As a mom I has seen my 18 year old daughter hurt so many times. She is an introvert, loves to write, read and watch anime and also play many different video games. She has POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) which makes doing very physical activities difficult and after getting this disease (also called autonomic dysfunction) she developed anxiety.

 

She has tried so hard to develop relationships. While she has many that have lasted years through the internet and even having skyping “slumber parties” she struggles with finding friends locally. She has found most girls her age to be interested in makeup, fingernails, dating and other normal girl obsessions that she could care less about.

 

I continually encourage her to get involved in group activities (like the social group at our church) or other gathering we find out about but every time she participates it is such a failure. She is ignored. Even if someone does talk to her for a minute or two they return to their “friends” and she ends up coming home crying because she feels like she will never have friends.

 

How do I keep encouraging her and helping her? I know she knows how to have friends because she have many close internet friends that live across the country and around the world, but she just can’t seem to find any likeminded girls locally.

 

I would love input and suggestions. She is on medication for her heart and for her anxiety and she weekly sees a counselor. She is playful, friendly and very caring.

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This breaks my heart for you. I myself have had really bad medical issues & I'm also a autism mom. My child is still young but I know one day I'll be facing a similar problem.

 

Have you tried a support group with kids her own age with the same condition or even other heart conditions? I know the smaller the town the lesser the options but even if you live near a city (i don't know where you live) to call around for teenage support groups like that. At least other kids with even a similar condition would understand what she's going through.

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Just say, you thought it through and decided since you are dating someone else its not fair to him but that it was really cool he thought of you. That way you don't look like you have a major ego if he wasn't truly trying to pick you up as a girlfriend, he may not have a ton of friends and wants more..maybe he wanted a date, but either way he seemed to have good intentions, might as well break it to him gently and not hurt his self esteem in the process.

For a lot of guys I think it takes a lot of self confidence to approach a girl so if a girl turns you down when you think you have something cool to share with her with not only time with you but a concert ticket, then its kinda like OUCH.

 

 

Are you exclusive with the other guy you connected with or are you both dating others? Im NOT suggesting you go if he is your BF or do ANYTHING shady... but theres no guarantee it will work out long term so if it is super casual with the other guy, I say while your young, go out on many dates and just keep it light and fun.

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I really love your idea of starting a support group with teens that have POTS! Thank you. I think I would be really great at coordinating it and she would love to be part of it.

 

Thank you so much.

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I really love your idea of starting a support group with teens that have POTS! Thank you. I think I would be really great at coordinating it and she would love to be part of it.

 

Thank you so much. I talked it over with my daughter and she is open to it.

 

 

This breaks my heart for you. I myself have had really bad medical issues & I'm also a autism mom. My child is still young but I know one day I'll be facing a similar problem.

 

Have you tried a support group with kids her own age with the same condition or even other heart conditions? I know the smaller the town the lesser the options but even if you live near a city (i don't know where you live) to call around for teenage support groups like that. At least other kids with even a similar condition would understand what she's going through.

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I think this comment should be on another thread. It doesn’t apply to my original message.

Just say, you thought it through and decided since you are dating someone else its not fair to him but that it was really cool he thought of you. That way you don't look like you have a major ego if he wasn't truly trying to pick you up as a girlfriend, he may not have a ton of friends and wants more..maybe he wanted a date, but either way he seemed to have good intentions, might as well break it to him gently and not hurt his self esteem in the process.

For a lot of guys I think it takes a lot of self confidence to approach a girl so if a girl turns you down when you think you have something cool to share with her with not only time with you but a concert ticket, then its kinda like OUCH.

 

 

Are you exclusive with the other guy you connected with or are you both dating others? Im NOT suggesting you go if he is your BF or do ANYTHING shady... but theres no guarantee it will work out long term so if it is super casual with the other guy, I say while your young, go out on many dates and just keep it light and fun.

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WaitingForBardot

You are a wonderful mom.

 

The only advice I can offer is to keep helping/encouraging her to get out and about. It's the only way she will ever find what she is looking for.

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No problem! I was not much older than your daughter when was diagnosed with my health issues & even though I had great friends, it still was lonely sometimes bc they never understand truly what I was going through. I at the time wished I could have someone that could really understand it.

 

Good luck to you both & God bless

 

Any other questions & you can private message me on here :)

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I think the key is looking for other groups for teens with any type of physical limitation. They will be able to empathize with each other, no matter what the condition, though true some will be more mobile than others. Check varied resources in your community, from autism centers to handicap ones for any groups she might be welcome in.

 

I know it's little consolation, but there are a lot of teens who are introverted and have trouble being outgoing and having friends who have nothing holding them back. So the issue is twofold, I'm sure. Meanwhile, I hope she at least has a dog, someone who will always love her like you do to keep her company.

 

Have you asked the doctor whether she would possibly be able to use a recumbent bicycle, the type you lay down in?

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We are looking into getting a bike. Even if we can go a very short distance and gradually build up on it. She really wants to get a bike with a basket on it that is popular these days. She really is such a precious person and has such a sweet personality. I thought I would get a bike also. Maybe as we build up a tiny bit of endurance we could find some others to go with us.

 

I have never heard of the type of bike you suggested. I will look into it. I really want her to get out and get some fresh air and sunshine.

 

I think the key is looking for other groups for teens with any type of physical limitation. They will be able to empathize with each other, no matter what the condition, though true some will be more mobile than others. Check varied resources in your community, from autism centers to handicap ones for any groups she might be welcome in.

 

I know it's little consolation, but there are a lot of teens who are introverted and have trouble being outgoing and having friends who have nothing holding them back. So the issue is twofold, I'm sure. Meanwhile, I hope she at least has a dog, someone who will always love her like you do to keep her company.

 

Have you asked the doctor whether she would possibly be able to use a recumbent bicycle, the type you lay down in?

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