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Should I remain friend?


justanickname

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justanickname

Hello everyone,

 

I will try to shorten my story. I traveled with a foreign guy in my country for a while. After he left, we stayed in touch, up to now it has been almost 4 years.

 

In the last year, I had a feeling for him, but unsure about him, maybe not. His reaction was confusing. Anyway, for the last few months, during his travel to South America, we started to have some argument, I started it because I didn't know how he felt for me, and I thought it was better to stop keeping in touch. However, we had a talk later, things were not solved because we both avoided to talk about the problem I raised (I wrote to him I felt he treated me not as I treated him, and he disappointed me some times, so I felt unfair and need No contact) but we acknowledged each other's friendship.

I went for a silence retreat after; and felt like we could be normal.

From the time, we texted even more, from once or twice a week up to almost everyday.

 

However, recently his reaction becomes cold again. I have been the one who initiated all the conversation. He reacts normally one day after, but if I don't; he would send just a very short sentence, asking very trivial stuff but not really "how are you doing, etc.". And keeping silence until I reply, no matter how long.

 

Anyway, the thing is, it was last 2 weeks, we tried to set a Skype call. I had to stay up late to catch him, but then when he came online, he told me to "wait for a second", but actually last for an hour. It happened few times already, so I couldn't wait so long, as I had to work early the next day - he knows that. This happens few times, so I do feel he does not really respect me that much (that was one of the reasons of our argument before, but we never really talk about it).

So, last Wednesday, I texted him, talking about some things happen to me recently, and then told him "Do you have some time on the weekend, I want to catch up." He replied "I want to talk to" and suggested on Monday, with late time that I could not stay up to that late while I have to work! I texted him again, saying that "it is not fair that I always have to look at your time. It changes, while mine doesn't." . He then came up with another thing that suggested even later!

So, I told him "I am busy with work during week time, you know it. Weekend is better for me."

And how stupidly, I sent another text right after, talking that my new boss has a side-look like him, but also reminding me of my former colleague - my previous crush (he may remember the "crush thing" but may not, I used to tell him, but never know if he pays attention).

And, well, he totally ignores me! He has been online almost all the time but no reply, not even about talking time or anything.

I felt a bit hurt, it has been almost a week now, and after all, I think I should really start my NC without saying any more words to him. I have deleted and blocked his skype.

 

However, giving a last effort, I would like to ask for the third view of the situation. If it is just friendship, and we were pretty close to share some private things before, do you think I overreacted? May I give him a last chance?

Thanks.

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He doesn't sound like a very good friend. If he reaches out I'd talk to him or hang out but I would not put in any more effort.

 

 

I had a friend who I felt like I was constantly running after. About 3 years ago I decided to stop chasing & let her come to me. She hasn't reached out once. I sent her one birthday card, one Christmas card & I called her once because I needed some info. She gave me the info but I haven't heard back from her at all. It's really sad. But I feel lighter & happier because I'm not chasing & being rejected.

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He is inconsiderate and wouldn't make a good boyfriend or even friend, unfortunately. It sounds to me like he knows you are interested in him and is deliberately being rude to be sure you understand he does not return your interest in that regard. I would stop even contacting him.

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justanickname

To be honest, deep down in my head, I know he is a type of selfish and "inconsiderate". However, I feel sad and sorry for the good time we have. I admit that I used to have feeling for him, but after the retreat, it really is over. However, who knows, he could recognize before that I was interested in him.

 

With your comments, now I see it is better to keep like that, no contact from now on. I deleted and blocked his skype already. I think he will soon recognize it, or even he knows already. I am pretty sure he will not give a s**t on that.

 

Better move on then... It's life.

Thanks for your comments.

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justanickname

Surprised, surprised.

Today he reached out, texted "Busy here. How are you doing?". (I didn't block him on phone but deleted his number.)

I couldnot understand it. Disappeared about 10 days, with the middle of nowhere of a conversation and asked like nothing???

 

He did it once before, but not really left a convo in between, but kind of chit chat and then disappeared for a week. While we talked, he also said "I disappeared, I know".

 

What the heck? He is inconsiderate, okay, but a kind of rude.

 

Don't think I will reply back. At least a week.

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I have a different take to the other replies you've had: I think you're being needy. Tell me, are you this demanding about frequency of contact with your female friends?

 

I've got friends who I can go weeks without speaking with. I think it's completely normal to have gaps when we are busy and don't have time to get in contact.

 

If skype timing doesn't work for you, then don't skype.

 

Edited to add: I've never had a friend give me a hard time about frequency of contact - but if I did, I'd dump them. Needy friends are annoying.

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justanickname

I've got friends who I can go weeks without speaking with. I think it's completely normal to have gaps when we are busy and don't have time to get in contact.

 

Needy friends are annoying.

 

I think there are few topics here about this: being friends or not, without years contacting, etc.

 

Actually I also waited till he responded.

 

We have had few weeks or even a month going without contacting. I don't mind. But I do bother when you are talking, and then suddenly leave things in a middle of a conversation.

 

At least a short text "Busy. We can discuss time later."

I will be fine with that. He can take anytime he wants.

 

Good point with female friends. Well, I also often ask first, like "how are you". No reply then no disturb. But noone has done that kind of rude without at least saying "hey I'm sorry for last time, I was so busy...".

--

Okay so I did give him another chance. I have just texted him "Please do not disapear in the middle of a discussion, it is not nice. I will take it personally. Just let me know you are busy.".

Not sure how he will react. But really if even that straightforward could not tell him anything, I will totally give up.

Edited by justanickname
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