Friend's who copy? Adopt something as their own. Frustrating!

[FrustratedFriend]

Im becoming more and more frustrated and annoyed by this, not entirely sure why or how to deal with it. My close friend and I, we're living together, and we get along fine, however what is bothering me is that on so many occasions she is regurgitating things I say as though what was being said came from herself. Being it some of my opinions on a matter, things and philosophies Ive been contemplating on over the years. She will tell our mutual friends as though it came from her. I told her a month ago what i wanted for my birthday, we're walking down the street with another friend, and she proclaims she's thought about this recently and really wants this item. We're at a party, she asks if i want to take some drugs, i say no, im not feeling it now, and then for two weeks she's been ranting on to our friends how we were thinking of taking them, but she wasnt really feeling it, and how glad she was she decided against it. Come on. Is it possible to get your facts wrong this often?? What is she doing? Why is she doing this? I am starting to not feel like my own person entitled to my own thoughts opinions and wishes. Im aware that friends modulate each other, but this is a bit over the top for me. Anyone got advice?

[Tayla]

yes! trademark your comments. Get a writers license and sue her for plagerizing.

 

And no one is that original that it hasn't been said or thought before. This includes your opinions.

 

I would suggest a simple conversation in which you ask her to expand upon her concept or state it in another way , just so you can get what she is conveying. Usually parroting another is complimentary...

[amaysngrace]

I hate that. I had my sister start dressing like me because we had been seeing way too much of each other and yes I know exactly what you mean.

 

Then next thing you know my other sister totally copied my style as well because I was seeing her a lot lately too.

 

But I rock it the best.

[preraph]

I think it's mostly young people who do that most. I look back and can see that I did it some and so did my friends. If I did it, it was because I admired something. And picking up words and gestures among friends can be very annoying, but it's also natural. You pick things up from people. I'd draw the line if they're trying to poach your friends and boyfriends or really trying to live the life you have and sort of take over. But I think most people outgrow this -- benefit of the doubt -- vulnerability once they mature and find their own identity. I did have a real problem with an old friend in our late 20s who was sneaking around trying to take over my life, though. Just call them out on it. I have a friend now (we're both in our 60s) who will occasionally try to tell me a Bowie story I told her from a concert decades ago in another state, and she will try to tell it to me as if it's her own. She has done this three times. I called her on it each time. At our age, I'm saying it's a memory problem. She doesn't remember who told her and for some reason doesn't think it's me anymore, but either way, I am pretty sure she does not believe she actually experienced it...so call her out and let her know it's annoying.

[loverboy69]

They say imitation is the best form of flattery....

 

I've noticed so many times over the years how my coworkers copy my lingo and phrases to the tee. It's always funny to hear it back at me from someone else.

[bigbaby]

I think a little of this is flattering but too much and it seems creepy. My guess is this girl has a weak sense of self. Imagine what it would be like to be so empty inside that you had to go about stealing things to say!

 

 

You might call her out in a neutral way, like "Hey, I was the one who said that!" Maybe she'll get a bit embarrassed and that will make her tone it down.

 

 

Also, living with a friend is the quickest way to end a friendship! Good luck to you. Before this is over, you'll probably need it!

[preraph]

I think a little of this is flattering but too much and it seems creepy. My guess is this girl has a weak sense of self. Imagine what it would be like to be so empty inside that you had to go about stealing things to say!

 

 

You might call her out in a neutral way, like "Hey, I was the one who said that!" Maybe she'll get a bit embarrassed and that will make her tone it down.

 

 

Also, living with a friend is the quickest way to end a friendship! Good luck to you. Before this is over, you'll probably need it!

 

I agree it can cross a line and be creepy and indicate a real problem with the person. They have low self-esteem or aren't confident in who they are, and on the extreme end, it can be dangerous obsession with someone that drives that.