audreydash Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Hey everyone i'm having a hard time with a situation and im hoping someone can shed some light and give me an outside opinion. I dated a guy starting when i was 15 until i was 18, and I am now 20. He seemed great at first, then became so controlling, emotional abusive, then it turned to very serious physical abuse. During this time I had two best friends, let's call them Emma and Shannon and we've been friends since we were all 8. My ex was so controlling I ended up losing them as friends for about a year while I was dating him, but after I finally got out of that relationship they took me back with open arms knowing how much I went through with him and they knew all the terrible stuff he did to me. Fast forward to now, and my friend Emma started drifting apart from me and Shannon. She became very rude to both of us for no reasons, started ignoring us, talked badly about us to other friends, and then we found out she was hanging out with my ex.... I was so upset because even though we hadn't talked in a while, and she had been rude to both of us we never thought she would do something she knew would hurt me so bad when I found out. So Shannon and I stoped talking to her, and Shannon was subtweeting rude things abot her and was taking the loss of our friendship way harder than I was probably because I was just so mad and hurt. But Shannon said sooo many rude things about Emma and how completly wrong it was that she was hanging out with my ex and that she could never do that to me. Then all of a sudden Shannon and Emma srarted randomly hanigng out again, and I dont know how Shannon could just forget all the mean things they said about each other and now theyre hanging out which I find kind of fake. Shannon has been ditching me to hangout with her all of the time now and last night I saw snapchats of them, hanging out with my ABUSIVE EX. both of them. I dont even know how to feel or if I should tell Shannon how mad and hurt I am, but she already knew i would feel that way.... I dont know what to do I feel like not only did i lose my best friend Emma, but now Shannon is being extremely shady too... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Maybe they talked to Jen and found out how you dated Corey without caring about Jen's feelings. You know what they say, what goes around, comes around. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Doesn't sound like any of them are truly your friends. You should just stay away from all of them, seriously. You have to realize that they are still young and probably not had firsthand abuse experience. People that age wrongly often believe that love will cure a bad person. That is only true if the love happens when they are a child and is coupled with appropriate guidance and discipline. They probably think he won't be like that with them. They probably think you weren't the right one. Young people think that way until they find out the hard way that not everyone is fixable. So just walk away and find better friends more on your experience level now. And don't forget to make sure you're not doing something to attract abusers, because people who attract one often attract another. They are predators and they have an instinct about finding victims. So be sure that something in your childhood didn't make you see some early red flags as familiar and something that you had dealt with before or been around that seemed normal to you and therefore letting the person in. Ask yourself if anything he did early on and later reminded you of anything anyone else in your life has ever done. Just sort it out. Because it can be a repeating pattern. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author audreydash Posted January 31, 2016 Author Share Posted January 31, 2016 Maybe they talked to Jen and found out how you dated Corey without caring about Jen's feelings. You know what they say, what goes around, comes around. i never dated Corey, and I did consider Jens feelings when we kissed once. Told Jen right away what happened, and stopped talking to Corey. Also completly different because Jen hungout with Corey, we were in a group of friends, they were friends, he wasn`t a psycho who use to beat Jen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author audreydash Posted January 31, 2016 Author Share Posted January 31, 2016 Doesn't sound like any of them are truly your friends. You should just stay away from all of them, seriously. You have to realize that they are still young and probably not had firsthand abuse experience. People that age wrongly often believe that love will cure a bad person. That is only true if the love happens when they are a child and is coupled with appropriate guidance and discipline. They probably think he won't be like that with them. They probably think you weren't the right one. Young people think that way until they find out the hard way that not everyone is fixable. So just walk away and find better friends more on your experience level now. And don't forget to make sure you're not doing something to attract abusers, because people who attract one often attract another. They are predators and they have an instinct about finding victims. So be sure that something in your childhood didn't make you see some early red flags as familiar and something that you had dealt with before or been around that seemed normal to you and therefore letting the person in. Ask yourself if anything he did early on and later reminded you of anything anyone else in your life has ever done. Just sort it out. Because it can be a repeating pattern. Good luck. Thank you so much, I really appreciate everything you said. I think its time to say good bye to those friendships and focus on myself. Thank you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
deckard11 Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Just ditch your best friends. They obviously have no sense of loyalty to you. You deserve better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Your ex must be very charming for your friends to be spending time with him, knowing what he did. I think you should just feel sorry for them, as they obviously don't know any better. I agree with everything preraph said. These girls aren't being good friends to you right now. Maybe sometime in the future they will realize their mistake and come apologize to you, but right now it is better to not hang around them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 i never dated Corey, and I did consider Jens feelings when we kissed once. Told Jen right away what happened, and stopped talking to Corey. Also completly different because Jen hungout with Corey, we were in a group of friends, they were friends, he wasn`t a psycho who use to beat Jen. Yeah but you still wanted to hang out with Corey even though Jen was hurt. According to your other thread you didn't think Jen had the right to tell you who you could hang out with. So, therefore, you have no right to be angry with your "best friends" for hanging out with your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author audreydash Posted February 2, 2016 Author Share Posted February 2, 2016 Yeah but you still wanted to hang out with Corey even though Jen was hurt. According to your other thread you didn't think Jen had the right to tell you who you could hang out with. So, therefore, you have no right to be angry with your "best friends" for hanging out with your ex. I didn't think Jen had the right to tell me who i could and couldn't hang out with considering me and corey had always been friends. And after thinking about it, i stopped talking to him regardless. Also, i'm not upset that they are hanging out with someone who I use to date. I am upset they're choosing to hangout with a man who use to beat me. Don't understand why they would choose to hangout with a man who abuses women, regardless of whether or not we dated. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 So are you going to end your friendship with these girls over this? Link to post Share on other sites
bigbaby Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 I agree that it's time to ditch these traitors and focus on making new friends or strengthening other existing friendships instead. You warned them so it won't be on your shoulders when he starts slapping one of them around. It's an ugly situation all around. But just think of how nice it is to not be in it, at least. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts