Matildax Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Ok so to cut it short me and my best friend planned to go on vacation this year, i agreed everything was well, i am also learning to drive and need a car for my job/ to get a better job. I am gutted i cannot afford both at the moment as i cannot drive (driving i would be earning more etc) i have explained this to her in person and text and she's not having any of it she's so pissed and me and im upset i understand why she is upset but i didn't promise i would go with her 100%. she's making me feel awful about myself but i need a car to further my career earn more and have more independence so i cannot afford both, I've apologised a number of times and tried to resolve it but she's being really stubborn. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Nilfiry Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Your options are to delay your car buying for a little and enjoy things with your bestie, or put your career/life goals ahead and bail out on her. If your best friend is really a good best friend, she will be understanding and get over it after a while. If not, maybe you need a new best friend. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 I hope you didn't wait until time to make reservations to let her know and told her months ahead of time. I understand your predicament and so does she, but you don't make promises you can't keep. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobouspo Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 OP, if the plans were laid out (i.e. reservations, time away from work etc) and you promised to accompany her, perhaps she is justified in being upset with you. Although you did say you never committed a 100 percent, so she should be more understanding. Maybe once the driving thing gets situated and you get settled a bit you guys can make plans down the road instead? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Matildax Posted January 29, 2016 Author Share Posted January 29, 2016 Course I told her we was only going to go in August of this year , nothing had been booked Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 She'll get over it, but she's just very disappointed. You did what you had to do and gave her plenty of notice. Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 She's angry and hurt bc she feels pushed down the line on your list of priorities, and she was. No reservations had been made, so no down payments or monetary losses are at stake. If the two of you have a tight bond, I'm sure she wants what is best for you but the disappointment is overshadowing that right now. Link to post Share on other sites
deckard11 Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 The older you get you will find out just how much of a best friend your best friend supposedly is. I say hell with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 An apology can help a person to move on from anger they have towards you, but if you're finding yourself apologising repeatedly - stop. Apologising repeatedly won't speed up the process of them moving on from their anger, and while one heartfelt apology is in order, if you repeatedly apologise then you're creating a power imbalance that you're on the weak end of....as well as rewarding sulky, grudge bearing behaviour. If she really needs you to prostrate yourself continually about this before she'll deign to let go of it, then I think that says something about her personality which will probably not change. To say the least, it's high maintenance. A vague agreement that you will go on holiday later this year, with nothing actually booked, is very different from breaking concrete, partly paid for plans. I couldn't begin to count the times I've had arrangements with friends, or vague chat about a holiday somewhere, and those plans have fallen through for one reason or another. Sometimes because of me, sometimes because of them. There may occasionally be annoyance, but nothing that can't be resolved with a chat, explanation or simple apology. I think it would be really tiring to be friends with somebody who got angry and hurt every time vague plans weren't followed through with action. From observation, I'd say that people like that often have intense but time limited friendships rather than long lasting ones..because if other people are too much like them, then sooner or later there's going to be an almighty row and grudge bearing on both sides. People who are more laid back might tolerate more but will eventually rebel against the grudge bearing and sulks, unless they people-please to a fault. No more apologies, give her some space and see if she comes around. If not, then after the hurt of an important friendship ending passes, you might feel that you feel quite liberated without that particular friendship in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
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