anonymousbear00101100 Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 I'll start off by saying that I am in college and recently single. My two best friends and I often go out at night to meet girls around campus. One night in particular, one of our mutual friends introduced us to her friend, and I got her number at the end of the night. I ended up talking to this girl every day for a few weeks, getting to know each other, flirting, etc. But now my friend tells me when we were originally introduced this girl was much more excited to meet him than me, and that he should be talking to her instead. Every time our groups of friends meet up, he says "Yeah I think she's really into me" even though every time he texts her he barely gets a reply. Last night, I got a call from one of our mutual female friends asking me if I'm DTF. After I get off the phone, my friend says "Oh she must have thought I was asleep or she would have called me" as if there was no way in HELL any girl would choose me over him. I couldn't tell if he was kidding, but it really did make me mad. There have been so many examples of this, where my friend just undermines me and makes me feel like I'm not attractive. Any time girls look over at our group, they're staring at HIM. Any time a girl walks up to talk to us, they're flirting with HIM. When I get a girl's number, it's because he "let me have that one". If I bring a girl up to our place, she was "totally checking him out". And to top it off, he and my other friend always call girls "it" or "that", assign number scores, and judge them based on their asses. Seriously, how can such nice, funny, and cool guys be such jerks. They're my best friends and I love spending time with them in all other situations, but I'm just tired of being assumed inferior when I clearly am not, and I just want to know how I can earn their respect. Link to post Share on other sites
isolatedgothic Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 You could easily earn YOUR respect by walking away and finding friends who are supportive of you, instead of friends who need someone to crap on. It sounds like your friend have a very healthy dose of narcissism, and if you continue to hang around them and listen to their negative messages, your brain is going to pick up on it and start believing it. In fact, my guess is that you already do. That isn't a good place to be, friend. Please step back and look at how they're treating you, and do it for the sake of your sanity and health. Arrogance is not a very admirable trait, and not only is it harming you, but it might possibly influence you into thinking you need to behave the same way some day. We are changed and influenced by the company we keep. I hope that you can see how detrimental these messages are that your friend is sending you, and find friends who will lift you up and be supportive of you. Your self worth is taking a real beating here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wewon Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 You need new friends, this guy isn't a friend in any sense of the word. Friends don't try to shake your confidence, second guess you or make you doubt yourself. They should be supporting you, encouraging or at the least, telling you about your blindspots so that you can get where you want to be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 He's a jackass, but then if you haven't asked this girl out on a date and are wasting time chitchatting when you know this guy is after her, something is wrong there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anonymousbear00101100 Posted January 21, 2016 Author Share Posted January 21, 2016 He's a jackass, but then if you haven't asked this girl out on a date and are wasting time chitchatting when you know this guy is after her, something is wrong there. I told her I just wanted to be friends after realizing that going any further with it would have been leading her on or getting into a relationship too soon after my breakup. She's not some prize at the end of a competition, and I don't want to treat her as such, but it just upset me that she liked me and he still won't give me credit for that. This all feels very vain on my part. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 No, he's being disrespectful. You have a right to have your feelings hurt. I still remember something a roommate said from decades ago that rubbed me the wrong way. We didn't know each other well when she moved in. I had a good social circle, and she had one, but ours only barely overlapped any. So I introduced her to my whole crowd and one by one, I would be introduced to some of hers (no female friends, which should have been a red flag at the time). Well, some years later, she made a remark acting like I'd have no social life if not for her, and it simply wasn't true. And coincidentally, 30-some years later, just this week I am having a problem with her trying to poach an ex who is still a friend of mine even though they are both married, so....consider the source! What his attitude tells me is that he is justified in trying to go after anyone you're interested in -- and I know guys aren't as stringent about that, but that is not a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 He sounds insecure. He needs to be the most desirable man, or the alpha male, and being around you threatens his self-image. So he goes out of his way to put himself above you. I would spend less time with this person. You should be around people who want good things for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts