crazycanuck86 Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 About 15 months ago I ended 12 year friendship with someone who I really did care for deeply. My reason for this was when she started seeing her now husband, (she's been married for a year and a half now) she started to distance her self from me. By ignoring my emails, and only sticking to polite conversations if she did reply. The real hurt came when I finally opened up to her about how I was physically and verbally abused by my father and how that messed me up. That was when she finally told me that she was purposely keeping her distance because she was considering her husband (who was then fiance ) in her life. The fact that I was in love with her at the time only added salt to the wound. After finding out about the relitvily short engament period. I expressed to her my concerns in regards to that and because I was hurt and heartbroken at the time it came out more of a father correcting teenaged daughter then that of a old friend..needless to say it resulted it a bridzilla nucluar explosion and things went down hill from there. For the next 8 mouths I sent emails apologizing and stating that I do value out friendship....(and all that other stupid stuff that broken hearted people do) with the only responses coming from her either being the cold shoulder or another impression of Mount Vesuvius. The final straw for me came when she blew up at me over an apology and sated that she didn't care about anything I told her because it didn't affect her life..by then I was just sick of the whole situation and ended the friendship 5 months later. When I ended the friendship I did it for me so I could heal move on and all that other jazz; but I knew that it hurt her because eventhough she did and say all those hurtful things it was mostly out of stress, anger, frustrating and doing what she thought was right for herself at the time. Plus I know that she really did care for me once. Like I sad that was over 15 mouths ago and now and I've achieved enough emotionally distance from her and the situation to where it doesn't matter to me whether or not we can be friends again. Despite that I still want to contact her and make one last attempt to reconcile with her. The delima now is I know theres a chance that shes either unwilling or not ready to reconcile at this point and time which is fine by me. If I contact her and she refuses then I'll just walk away and not bother looking back because it won't be worth my time. However if I wait for her to contact me or if I give it another year or so by then I would probably be so indifferent towords her to even bother or give it a second thought. Anyways her birthday is in a few months and I was thinking of contacting her a week or so before to see if she's open to a birthday wish from me or just stick with the plotonic birthday wish. I still haven't decided on that yet. Any insight would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Terry8889 Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 Did you say you were in love with her? Maybe I misunderstood you.. anyways, by the way you describe things, I would say why bother? Don't you have any more friends?. Maybe you were really close to her once but she has moved on from the friendship and so should you. Even marriages get broken and people never talk again. Why do you feel the urge to talk to this person. If you really want to you ex friend just send a causal birthday wish via email, adding that you hope she is doing well and that you wish her the best, period. But do not expect anything in return for her, except for maybe a thanks you too, but that's it. Move on and build new string friendships. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazycanuck86 Posted January 6, 2016 Author Share Posted January 6, 2016 Did you say you were in love with her? Maybe I misunderstood you.. anyways, by the way you describe things, I would say why bother? Don't you have any more friends?. Maybe you were really close to her once but she has moved on from the friendship and so should you. Even marriages get broken and people never talk again. Why do you feel the urge to talk to this person. If you really want to you ex friend just send a causal birthday wish via email, adding that you hope she is doing well and that you wish her the best, period. But do not expect anything in return for her, except for maybe a thanks you too, but that's it. Move on and build new string friendships. Good luck Thank you for your response I know she's moved on from the friendship and I have too, I just want to see if whats left of the friendship is salvageable for the sake of closure that's it nothing more and nothing less. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 You need to end the carnage. She has clear boundaries to protect her relationship and having someone around who's in love with her will only hurt her. If you care anything about her and her happiness, just leave her alone. If she ever wants to be friends again, she knows where to find you. Sorry. Just let it go or you'll never move on to the next good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazycanuck86 Posted January 6, 2016 Author Share Posted January 6, 2016 You need to end the carnage. She has clear boundaries to protect her relationship and having someone around who's in love with her will only hurt her. If you care anything about her and her happiness, just leave her alone. If she ever wants to be friends again, she knows where to find you. Sorry. Just let it go or you'll never move on to the next good thing. I understand what you are saying and I should clarify that I'm not in love with her anymore, I just want to see if whats left of our friendship is salvageable before I walk away completely. She was a good friend to me so I at least owe her that much. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Being around her will probably stir the embers. I think you're kidding yourself. You're enough into her that you won't just walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
mmmike Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 About 15 months ago I ended 12 year friendship with someone who I really did care for deeply. My reason for this was when she started seeing her now husband, (she's been married for a year and a half now) she started to distance her self from me. By ignoring my emails, and only sticking to polite conversations if she did reply. The real hurt came when I finally opened up to her about how I was physically and verbally abused by my father and how that messed me up. That was when she finally told me that she was purposely keeping her distance because she was considering her husband (who was then fiance ) in her life. The fact that I was in love with her at the time only added salt to the wound. After finding out about the relitvily short engament period. I expressed to her my concerns in regards to that and because I was hurt and heartbroken at the time it came out more of a father correcting teenaged daughter then that of a old friend..needless to say it resulted it a bridzilla nucluar explosion and things went down hill from there. For the next 8 mouths I sent emails apologizing and stating that I do value out friendship....(and all that other stupid stuff that broken hearted people do) with the only responses coming from her either being the cold shoulder or another impression of Mount Vesuvius. The final straw for me came when she blew up at me over an apology and sated that she didn't care about anything I told her because it didn't affect her life..by then I was just sick of the whole situation and ended the friendship 5 months later. When I ended the friendship I did it for me so I could heal move on and all that other jazz; but I knew that it hurt her because eventhough she did and say all those hurtful things it was mostly out of stress, anger, frustrating and doing what she thought was right for herself at the time. Plus I know that she really did care for me once. Like I sad that was over 15 mouths ago and now and I've achieved enough emotionally distance from her and the situation to where it doesn't matter to me whether or not we can be friends again. Despite that I still want to contact her and make one last attempt to reconcile with her. The delima now is I know theres a chance that shes either unwilling or not ready to reconcile at this point and time which is fine by me. If I contact her and she refuses then I'll just walk away and not bother looking back because it won't be worth my time. However if I wait for her to contact me or if I give it another year or so by then I would probably be so indifferent towords her to even bother or give it a second thought. Anyways her birthday is in a few months and I was thinking of contacting her a week or so before to see if she's open to a birthday wish from me or just stick with the plotonic birthday wish. I still haven't decided on that yet. Any insight would be appreciated. I would leave her alone. She doesn't sound like a very good person imo. Why look back on someone that acted like that toward you? Link to post Share on other sites
pro100pk2 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 you are the master of your life you take the right decision:rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
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