Jump to content

Would you be mad at a friend for saying this?


acapelo_dp

Recommended Posts

Basically I met a girl who moved to this city from the city that I am from. We are not close friends I would say but good aquantances. She is a nice person and is fun to be around, however two things are bugging me about said friend.

 

1. Every time she wants to hang out it involves drinking each weekend (or even a week night) or asks to do something expensive like go to a 100 dollar hockey game or some other event. This friend works Monday - Friday with holidays off and I work weekends and holidays and she knows this. The past couple of weekends she has asked me to go to her house for a wine party and I told her I probably couldn't because I work late Saturday night and I'd have to transit to her place at night. I told her this last weekend and she literally wouldn't take no for an answer and just kept texting me non stop. I had to turn my phone off.

She also did this Sunday night when she and her friends met me, my boyfriend and his friends at a bar. She said the next day they were all going to the mountains and pressured me to go even though I said I had breakfast plans in the morning and an appointment in the afternoon. I left the bar early and my boyfriend actually told me she came up to him after I was gone and asked if he and his friends could go to breakfast at like 7am so I could go with them all. He was like wtf?

 

2. Today she asked me NYE plans and invited me to a ball party thing. I told her my boyfriend and I were most likely keeping it low key and going to a late dinner but I would definitely keep the option open and thanked her for the invite. She said "but why :P" to keeping things low key and I said "I have been drinking too much this week and can't handle hang overs like I used to. Plus I don't want to spend too much money on one night" then she said "just because you are married now doesn't mean you can be lame" and then sent a kiss face like it was a joke. I said "ha, I'm not married nor lame thanks!" Then she said *other friends name who was with her* begs to differ" I just didn't respond.

 

It really pissed me off she would make that comment. Her and her group are all single so they are into drinking all the time and I'm just not. It makes me not want to talk to her anymore,

 

What are opinions on this?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Some people are like that...they consider it a "joke" if you bring up that it bothers you. I would just distance myself.

 

A lady kept bugging me to go to her Christmas dance. I told her multiple times I had plans to go to Las Vegas with my 80+ year old grandfather that I hadn't seen in almost 15 years. She made a big deal like I "shouldn't have made those plans" because it interferes with her dance, when in reality I had those plans for almost 6 months.

 

Some people think the world revolves around them.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Some people are like that...they consider it a "joke" if you bring up that it bothers you. I would just distance myself.

 

A lady kept bugging me to go to her Christmas dance. I told her multiple times I had plans to go to Las Vegas with my 80+ year old grandfather that I hadn't seen in almost 15 years. She made a big deal like I "shouldn't have made those plans" because it interferes with her dance, when in reality I had those plans for almost 6 months.

 

Some people think the world revolves around them.

 

Wow that is completely inconsiderate. And thanks for the reply. I mean I admit I usually don't feel like hanging out with her since she only really wants to do expensive things or drink, and I'm quite the introvert. I need alone time and she doesn't. We when we hang out one time she will basically text me everyday the week after to hang out. And keep insisting I come hang out until I literally have to turn my phone off. I feel smothered and I think I will have to distance myself and find some friends who are okay with occasional hang outs and don't pressure me. She is nice and all but it's too much..

Link to post
Share on other sites

She's not really a friend, she is a playmate.

 

She doesn't respect you time, obligations or your limitations. If this was highschool she would be the kid trying to get you to drink or smoke inspite of the fact that you have other things at risk.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, the good news is she really likes you. The bad news is she's all about me, me, me and is pushy to get her way. If I were you I wouldn't be as mad about the lame comment as her going behind your back trying to get her way by asking your bf to change your schedule. That would piss me off and I'd tell her never to do it again and to respect your decisions.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not sure I would get really mad about this. It seems the girl really really likes you, however she is being a bit obtuse and pushy. If you don't like her or wish to be friends with her than just phase her out. Keep declining her invites until she gets the hint.

 

On the other hand, you may want to be careful about letting your BF be your world. As a fellow introvert who is old and hopefully somewhat wise, I get that having a wide circle of friends and a sparkly exciting social life is not all that appealing. Often a significant other feels like all the social interaction a true introvert needs but that's a mistake you don't want to make. Friends are still valuable and you shouldn't casually brush them off. I'm not saying this is what you are doing, perhaps it's just this one girl whom you dislike. Hopefully you are maintaining other friendships and not making your BF and his friends your whole social life.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

The 2nd paragraph just sounds like she's a little bit girlish and immature (and might have been drunk while texting...) Honestly I personally wouldn't kick a friend out for a text like that. Sure she's not perfect but it's not a big deal IMO.

 

The 1st paragraph bothers me a LOT more. You said no and she kept texting you, then tried to convince your bf to go? Way over the top. THAT would make me distance myself from a 'friend'.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Best to distance yourself from her. I don't know your ages. ...but she acts like a kid. Way to pushy for my liking. I don't need such friends and I'd be inclined to block her or just stop responding or make excuses not to go.

 

I also rather not have pushy women around my man.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks for the replies everyone. Just to be clear she is just an aquantance and "party friend" if you will, we have only ever partied together besides one day where we went to the mountains but it wasn't that fun because I didn't know her wel at that point. A bit awkward. However she is really close friends with a girl now that I introduced her to last summer and they hang out all the time partying. I'm just not interested.

 

I really can't deal with pushy people and friends who want to hang out everyday. I have some other friends that don't need much attention and are awesome to talk to so not alienating myself from friends. I de activated my Facebook today for completely different reasons (new year resolution to be off social media as much) so that's one less way for her to get ahold of me. I really did not like her going up to my boyfriend at the bar trying to re arrange HIS friends plans...

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah I wouldn't like her going up to the bf either. I mean, it's either pushy OR she was looking for an excuse to talk to your bf -- or both.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Yeah I wouldn't like her going up to the bf either. I mean, it's either pushy OR she was looking for an excuse to talk to your bf -- or both.

 

She actually doesn't like my boyfriend, she doesn't outwardly say that but she has told me before she thinks he has an enlarged ego. She doesn't talk to him much at all

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 months later...
  • Author

I just need some further advice or words on this issue again. Since I posted this thread I have been ignoring this friends texts messages and avebook messages. She literally has not gotten the hint - she has texted me every two weeks or so and asking me what's up tonight or ask to hang out despite me ignoring her for literally two months. Just last night she finally messages me on Facebook asking "Why are you ignoring me??" I have not responded to this and I don't think I want to. She wasn't one of my best friends or anything so I really thought it would fade out if I just didn't respond. She clearly has not gotten the hint at all.

I don't even know if I feel badly or owe her an explanation .. Or do I? I don't even know what I would say if I did give an explanation.

 

I'm kind of irritated by the situation honestly. Making excuses before saying I couldn't hang out and always had other plans didn't work - outright not responding to her texts for months does not work. So, is giving an explanation the last resort or should I leave it be?

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...