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"Just want to stay friends"


crafty*fox

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HELP!!!

 

To cut a long story short, met a guy, get on really well together, lots in common, have a really good laugh together. Obviously both like each other. He asked for my number and has done all the chasing etc. Then he says:

 

[color=black][color=red]"Just want to stay friends"[/color] :love: ???

 

What does this mean!?... [/color]

 

I am really confused. Do I be his friend, hope it turns into more?... Anyone, help please...

:)

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LucreziaBorgia

It means he does not want to be in a sexual or romantic relationship with you right now.

 

Does he sincerly want to be friends? No way of telling outside of how he acts. If he continues to hang out with you, talks to you and does stuff with you on a regular basis like you would with any of your other friends, then his intent is sincere.

 

If he is using it as an excuse only - then you'll find that he is increasingly unavailable and will keep you at a distance.

 

Does it mean that it will become more? No one could say for sure, but generally speaking once you get stuck in the "just friends" category it is very, very difficult to get out of it into something more romantic.

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Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

It means he does not want to be in a sexual or romantic relationship with you right now.

 

Does he sincerly want to be friends? No way of telling outside of how he acts. If he continues to hang out with you, talks to you and does stuff with you on a regular basis like you would with any of your other friends, then his intent is sincere.

 

If he is using it as an excuse only - then you'll find that he is increasingly unavailable and will keep you at a distance.

 

Does it mean that it will become more? No one could say for sure, but generally speaking once you get stuck in the "just friends" category it is very, very difficult to get out of it into something more romantic.

 

 

A long moment of applause for this post. I really don't like to hear that phrase and will avoid it at all costs.

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Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

It means he does not want to be in a sexual or romantic relationship with you right now.

 

Does he sincerly want to be friends? No way of telling outside of how he acts. If he continues to hang out with you, talks to you and does stuff with you on a regular basis like you would with any of your other friends, then his intent is sincere.

 

If he is using it as an excuse only - then you'll find that he is increasingly unavailable and will keep you at a distance.

 

Does it mean that it will become more? No one could say for sure, but generally speaking once you get stuck in the "just friends" category it is very, very difficult to get out of it into something more romantic.

 

Thanks for the advice, but where do I go from here?... There is lots of stuff we talked about doing together before he said this. What do friends do and not do- where is the boundary?... How do I be his friend, but not always in his face?... What is he REALLY trying to say to me?... I am just VERY CONFUSED because we get on so well together. He asked for my number in the first place!. Is this his way of saying he likes me too?... Txt messages from him definitely gave the 'more than friends' impression. Help!!!

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I asked my friend Rob this question, because men and their pursuit of women is totally confusing. Now, I had heard this before, but conveniently forgot... because I want men to act like I want them to act. THis is what he says:

 

I Speaking for me, I will pursue you right up until the point where I figure out for myself whether I'm interested in being serious with you. The pursuit itself is not a down payment on a Capital-R Relationship, it's getting to know you better.

 

How do I know if I want to be serious with you until we spend some time together? I think it's mutual -- I don't presume that just because someone's hanging out with me that it's rainbows and butterflies 4-Ever, just that we're getting to know each other.

 

Until you have the "I want to be exclusive" conversation, I think it's dangerous to assume anything about the relationship.

 

As the old expression goes, "kisses aren't contracts, and presents aren't promises."

 

 

So, yes he pursued you. He asked for your phone number. Then at some point he decided he'd rather not go ther with you, and so he cut the pursuit off. Liken it to a guy that you meet and you think you like him and so you go after him. And the more you get to know him the more you aren't really interested in more than a friendship with him.

 

So where to go from here ? Be friends... and know your boundaries. Friends hug, and not for an extended amount of time with genitals rubbing up against each other. Friends kiss on the cheek, not with tongue. Friends discuss other people they are dating and give/get advice. If he truly wants to be friends he'll respect those boundaries. If he's trying to grind you while hugging you, insists on fooling around, but every time you want to move forward, he pulls out the 'I just want to be friends card'...., well he's just a pig. That's a booty call and he wants all of the benefits of a relationship and none of the work and the committment.

 

If that works for you, fantastic, have fun. If it does not, stepping away is a good idea.

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Originally posted by crafty*fox

Thanks for the advice, but where do I go from here?... There is lots of stuff we talked about doing together before he said this. What do friends do and not do- where is the boundary?... How do I be his friend, but not always in his face?... What is he REALLY trying to say to me?... I am just VERY CONFUSED because we get on so well together. He asked for my number in the first place!. Is this his way of saying he likes me too?... Txt messages from him definitely gave the 'more than friends' impression. Help!!!

 

 

Along this route, if he says he wants to be friends, you've got to set some boundaries. I'd return text messages with 'Friends don't talk to each other like this. If you want to date, let's discuss that, but as long as you're holding me at arm's length, I have to remind you of a boundary here.

 

 

You'll find out quickly if he's just playing you or if he was just scared to go forward with you and thought he could fool around under the friendship banner. Don't let him screw you over.

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