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How can you tell if a friend doesn't care about a friendship?


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So basically this person and I used to be pretty good friends like we would chat usually on the walk after the buses and afterschool on the buses but now of all a sudden they like says their too tired to talk now and would rather listen to music than hang out after. I pointed out that it means we would only talk like once a day but their like that enough. So when they says that I get worried like they don't care much about our friendship. I mean they says they do but they like never initiates a conversation or anything even online. When I talked to them about it but they said I was just being oversensitive. Recently they say I have just been forcing conversations. I'm sorry to do that but I feel like if I don't start up anything they will never initiate contact and that we'll never talk. I pointed out how they talk to their other friends more than once but they just told me I'm closer to them and stuff. But then later they said like friendship doesn't matter how much you talk which seems to me like they are just contradicting what they said earlier. Honestly I don't know what to do now and I really am not sure if they actually give a crap tbh

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It sounds like you two are drifting apart. It's just something that sometimes happens. Maybe you don't have as much in common as you used to. Focus on your other friends, and don't try so hard with this girl. If she changes her mind about talking to you, she can come find you later.

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I think they're pushing away from you because you're too needy and don't have enough going on in your life to be interesting and are relying too much on them to fulfill your needs. Anyway, this friendship is over, and you may as well face it and not make things worse by being pushy about it. Just drop them and find new friends. Find someone who isn't already in a group of friends but is maybe a little shy or a loner and just go up and talk to them. And in order to be interesting to other people, you need to make yourself interesting and aside from being with them, have a life of your own filled with interests and hobbies that you go do so you have something to talk about and seem more multifaceted. Good luck.

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No the thing is I really am not too needy. I do have other friends don't be wrong and like I said we usually talk like just twice a day with this person. I'm not asking much tbh, their just not looking for other times where we can hangout

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You can generally tell, also if you have to ask you know the answer. If you think about it you know why they are pulling back.

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No the thing is I really am not too needy. I do have other friends don't be wrong and like I said we usually talk like just twice a day with this person. I'm not asking much tbh, their just not looking for other times where we can hangout

 

Okay. Well, let me amend what I said to say that you are too needy with them. Otherwise, they would not be pulling away while you are pushing. Not your good friends. Need new friends. These aren't working out. There are plenty of girls who will text you all day, but better enjoy it now because once any of you get jobs or a family, kiss that goodbye.

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I don't think the friendship is over. But I do think that you want a closer friendship with this person than they want with you. Like, you want this person to be a very close friend and they want more of a casual friendship.

 

You can certainly keep this person in your life, but you will have to accept that they are not in your inner circle of friends and treat them accordingly.

 

Share a desk at school, interact on social media, hang out in a group setting....but it's not going to be a close relationship.

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Why do you want to be close friends with this person? Has she done anything for you which makes her special? Are you attracted to her?

Start making other friends and pay her little attention. Dont even talk to her once or twice a day. Mind your own business.

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I asked this person's other friends and they said that even in their friendships, this person doesn't put any effort in it either. So they told me to wait for a while and see if they want to hang out

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I asked this person's other friends and they said that even in their friendships, this person doesn't put any effort in it either. So they told me to wait for a while and see if they want to hang out

 

Okay wait up... but I am telling you... you are putting yourself in a spot from which getting out later will be more hurtful than now.

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Okay. Well, let me amend what I said to say that you are too needy with them. Otherwise, they would not be pulling away while you are pushing. Not your good friends. Need new friends. These aren't working out. There are plenty of girls who will text you all day, but better enjoy it now because once any of you get jobs or a family, kiss that goodbye.

 

I'm sorry but what do you mean exactly? Are you still saying I'm too needy?

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I asked this person's other friends and they said that even in their friendships, this person doesn't put any effort in it either. So they told me to wait for a while and see if they want to hang out

 

So what you are experiencing is this person's "normal". They are not rejecting you, they are simply doing what they always do in a friendship.

 

You have a choice of accepting this friend for who they are or walking away.

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I want to add that part of a friendship is accepting a person for who they are. One of my dearest friends can be a bit flaky. Sometimes she's really intense and we talk all the time. Other times she gets caught up with work and family and we can go a few weeks without talking. But this is who she is and I accept this. I'd rather have her as she is than not have her at all.

 

I believe it really pays to be flexible where friends are concerned.

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I'm sorry but what do you mean exactly? Are you still saying I'm too needy?

 

I'm saying you're being very needy with this particular friend, yes. I mean, read your own posts here. They're being very disinterested, and her in particular, and not treating you like a friend at this point, but you are willing to accept any excuse or wait for them to throw you a crumb. That is you being needy and not having any self-respect. Why accept behavior from someone that you would not ever do to someone?

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Right now honestly, I don't know the state of our friendship so I think I'm gonna give them space, but I really want to take my mind off it. How do I do that?

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So I talked to them about it today. So I said that they don't put in enough effort but they told me that they do put in effort. I asked them how and they just said that they do with no examples. For the afterschool thing,they said they don't talk to anyone after so I guess I can't complain about that. I brought up the issue of conversation initiation but they just told me that they never have anything to say when they used to. I brought up the issue of hanging out and they said we could hang during lunch but I know they typically spend time with other friends and I don't want to like hog them. So I dunno what to do and plus So basically they told me in general that they are not just an initiator, I get that. Second, when I mentioned effort, they said that they don't think effort is needed in a friendship and things should be comfortable the way they are, like their just ok with us rarely talking and such, but they say they still consider us as good friends. So should I still put in effort?

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It sounds like she still wants to be your friend, but has a different idea to you of what that friendship should entail. You want a close friendship and she wants something more casual.

 

As a friendship can't be pushed, you really have no option but to be a casual friend.

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It sounds like she still wants to be your friend, but has a different idea to you of what that friendship should entail. You want a close friendship and she wants something more casual.

 

As a friendship can't be pushed, you really have no option but to be a casual friend.

 

But she said that she considers me to be a good friend though, but tbh her definition is strange,to me

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