smellysocksuni Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 (edited) I have recently made the decision to cut off a friend. We had been friends for around four years, but recently I began to feel as if I wasn't really valued or appreciated. If her and I were in a call together, and someone else started calling her, she'd often put me on hold for an indefinite period of time. Sometimes, she'd even end the call - despite it being me who had called first. If I called her and she was already in a call, she'd just text me that she'd call me back and never would. Sometimes, I'd call her and she'd tell me that she was with other friends, and that she would call me back - I would never hear from her until I initiated. I can appreciate that people have lives and I don't expect her to have been there for me every single time, but these things were starting to happen every single time I spoke to her. She wouldn't really talk to me unless she was on her own, if everyone else was busy or if she was bored. Basically, if I contacted her while she was in the presence of other people, she wouldn't engage with me. These are just some of the things that I found difficult to handle. I have other friends, and I feel that the friendship is much more of an equal thing. Her and I would never really meet up, but she'd often meet up with other people. She'd never take an interest in anything I was into, but talk for ages about things she wanted/was into. She badmouthed my ex girlfriend (and contacted her without my permission) and badmouthed my current girlfriend. She moans to me about her current partner, then moans about me to her partner and gets her partner to call me and have a go at me if we argued. I am aware that some people may think I was being demanding, but I have struggled to articulate everything she did that made me feel drained and exhausted. I didn't want to cut her off, but I was beginning to feel extremely stressed and low and frustrated with her. I just hope I've made the right decision. Edited December 9, 2015 by smellysocksuni Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 Regret what exactly? She was a terrible friend. You don't need people like that in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted December 9, 2015 Author Share Posted December 9, 2015 Regret what exactly? She was a terrible friend. You don't need people like that in your life. I'm a very sentimental person, and I struggle with small decisions like throwing clothes away...But if you, someone that's never met me or that person, is agreeing that she was a bad friend, then that gives me reassurance. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 Ok, well imagine that she is a pair of smelly, worn out, stained pants that are so small and uncomfortable that you feel suffocated wearing them. There is no use in keeping them. They will only make you feel miserable. This is a good metaphor for your friendship. It can be hard letting go sometimes, but this is absolutely the right decision. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted December 9, 2015 Author Share Posted December 9, 2015 Ok, well imagine that she is a pair of smelly, worn out, stained pants that are so small and uncomfortable that you feel suffocated wearing them. There is no use in keeping them. They will only make you feel miserable. It can be hard letting go sometimes, but this is absolutely the right decision. Lol, great analogy. I am finding it hard letting go, but everyone I talk to is coming out with the same opinion; she's not a good friend to me. I've never even broken up with anyone, let alone ended a friendship so...it's strange, it's hard. But I feel like it's the right thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 Been here myself. What you're doing is not only acceptable but healthy. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 If you get mired in sentimentality while trying to make decisions, I suggest you stop concentrating on making the decision and simply go in another direction in your life. If your friend is troubling to you, leave that situation behind for the time being and see other friends or date or go by yourself to the museum or a meetup or a nature walk. If you get bogged down, just stop thinking about it and do something else at least for now. It will give you a better perspective if you have multiple interests and that thing won't seem so important. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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