Is silent treatment the best in this situation?

[maturityassets]

Hi,

 

My situation basically revolves around my GF's suitemate. My GF is an RA at her university and so we get away with me coming over a lot, usually I sleep over after a day of work and grad school night classes due to her dorm being closer to my university than where I live.

 

Any way at first we got along well with her roommate. We were very friendly and I told her if there was ever a problem just address it and we'll respect your space. My gf was the one to find her roommate friends since her roommate is a foreign student. So as time went on her roommate found one of my best friends very attractive (he is) just she didn't enjoy is overly teasing ways, which I admit he does tease in immature ways. There was mutual attraction but she was hesitant. I told her it's alright, if you find his teasing off putting you don't have to date him and nobody will take things personally. So anyway one night she asked for a game night for the 4 of us but she decided last minute to ditch us after we waited 2 hours for her. It was very off putting and things got worse that week as she would come by at 3 am inviting others who would make noise. She eventually told my GF she is not obligated to say sorry or commit to plans.

 

Essentially I figured this is my gf's issue but the problem is my GF is very passive. She is too nice, this person eats all the food we buy but then hides the stuff she buys. She will have people over late at night but if we make noise at a reasonable time with music or laughing, she will complain. Essentially my commitment has been to make my GF talk to her honestly, get things on the table. But for a month and a half she has avoided the conflict and backed down. I have basically in this time given the cold shoulder to her room mate, nothing more than Hi or bye. I do this because I want to help my GF to be independent and stick up for herself. Not be the one who cleans up after her roommate (who leaves garbage overfilled for days or leave sticky floors due to alcohol spilling). Should I intervene or continue being silent to this person? Thanks

Edited November 24, 2015 by maturityassets

[d0nnivain]

You should do nothing. You don't live there. If you don't like the roommate, stop going to your GF's for the rest of the time they live together.

[preraph]

Stay out of it. You're not paying rent. It's really not your business. And frankly, nonpaying third-parties are usually the biggest problem with roommates. She got in an awkward situation about the guy she ended up not liking and changed her mind abruptly, deciding she didn't want to deal with it after all. This was a good decision on her part, though it being abrupt left people hanging. But sometimes the dread catches up with you too late, and you just have to act. So blow that off.

 

You can't gang up on her 2 to 1 when you're not paying rent. And I doubt she'd want you paying rent ,because then you'd think you have license to overrule her on everything. So just stop being over there more than say once a week and invading her space. And let those two decide everything between themselves.

[casey.lives]

I would not saying anything about the roommate thing but i would let my girlfriend know that you find assertiveness attractive.. the cards will stack themselves

[Tayla]

My compliments for your support in aiding your gf to assert herself. Confrontation is not a very ladylike thing.. I tend to come from a stance of speak up when unkind actions are being exhibited and resolve at a time that is less volitile. If i am a guest at someones home I maintain the respect the person , disagree with the actions. Silence breeds consent, and who wants to be that person that does nothing when a simple chat can quickly put out any flames.