fiskadoro Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 (edited) Hi, Last year I went out with a woman several times and started liking her, then she vanished one day after having made plans to come to mine for what would have been our first night together. After a few weeks of not receiving replies to my texts and calls I deleted her from a chat app we use. Two months after deleting her she called me and invited me out to dinner. We met up, I told her to go back to from whence she came, thanked her for the lovely meal, and was (I thought) done with her. I then met the woman - I will call her "H" - who drove me to this forum, lol. During my time with H I never thought much about the first woman; not that i forgot her, but I really poured myself into that relationship. H and I broke up three months ago and I was devastated, and now the first woman has shown up again. When we went out for dinner after our first falling out, she told me she'd also been dating another guy who forbid her from contacting me again, so she chose him. I told her it was childish to ignore me instead of just telling me, and to have kept the other guy a secret while demanding to know about my romantic dalliances, and that I wanted nothing to do with her. So when she contacted me again yesterday, I was leery. But I am also trying to be thoughtful. She has moved to another city, far enough away that we cannot see each other without major planning. I asked her what she wanted, and she said friendship. I added her back on the chat app with the idea that it was childish of me to demand that she either date me now or begone forever from my life and my reasoning is: I have female friends that were former lovers of mine, or who had romantic interest in me, and they saw past my rejection or immaturity/selfishness to stay friends with me, some of them supporting me through some very rough and trying times, even offering me romantic advice. After the collapse of my most recent relationship i am trying mightily to re-calibrate myself. To become more mature. But, I am not sure about pretending to be happy with just friendship, especially since I see her romantically and still feel a tug towards her. Luckily as i said she is far away and we would have time to reacquaint before we got serious, but I might not even want to start down this road if it's perilous enough. So I asked her was she interested in pure friendship or was she fishing, she said she was sorry about her prior behavior and that she had "matured" and she would contact me tonight after work. Is this a recipe for disaster or perhaps maybe I could use this as an exercise in emotional restraint and let it un-spool, seeing what happens and preparing myself for any eventuality? Edited November 16, 2015 by fiskadoro Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 Just don't do it. You want different things. Tell her regretfully that you need to pour all your energy into finding romance and that unless she's feeling romantic, it was nice knowing her. That is, unless she has a couple of cute friends she might want to introduce you to. Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 It's a red flag that she's ignoring your wishes. Twice now you have told her to leave you alone, yet she continues to contact you. Somehow I seriously doubt that she wants to just be friends. Don't bother with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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