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How to get someone to put their phone away?


Sweeetie

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I am a person who values meaningful communication. When I am meeting someone for dinner, be it a friend or a date, I look forward to this aspect.

 

As is a reflection of the current age however, some people have the habit of keeping their phones on the table, and checking them every time they get a new text or whatsapp. This annoys me quite a lot. I am a polite person by nature hence I never ask anyone to put their phone away, so I am wondering how one might do this in a gentle way?

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With close friends and my partner, I polite ask 'hey, would you mind putting that away while we eat?'

 

No explanation needed. Once gently alerted to the faux pas, most people get it and will put the phone away. If the other person does want to, though, you kind of have to drop the issue and tolerate the behavior (or stop spending so much time with the person).

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You could be cute and say "sorry, am I interrupting your phone game?" but that probably wouldn't get the message thru the way you want. ;)

 

Ppl don't usually do that with me, but if they do it just adds points to their 'avoid' basket. Too many points and I'll cancel them altogether.

 

(btw - I don't mind ppl looking at an incoming text, but I don't want to stand by while text convos go on or especially non-emergency phone calls, assuming it's just me and them there. Whoever they are.)

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...if they do it just adds points to their 'avoid' basket. Too many points and I'll cancel them altogether.

 

This is just how I feel as well- rather than insist upon things, I've started quietly observing people to see who they are and how much they actually appreciate my company. Unfortunately the guy who I'm currently seeing is a perpetrator of this habit, I will see how he reacts to me asking him to his phone away.

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You could be cute and say "sorry, am I interrupting your phone game?" but that probably wouldn't get the message thru the way you want. ;)

 

I usually just stop talking entirely except to say: "I'll wait until you're done."

 

I think both of these statements are very Passive Aggressive and would set a tone of confrontation.

 

I would go the route that Nescafe took; be forward and up front and polite.

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I think both of these statements are very Passive Aggressive and would set a tone of confrontation.

 

I would go the route that Nescafe took; be forward and up front and polite.

 

You're all right and I think it does depend on the relationship between 2 people and how well they know each other, how close they are. I personally find it more awkward to be formal about this kind of thing and would rather playfully point it out if the conversation is going well (lol am I interrupting your texting?), or would set a more serious tone if I was getting annoyed by it (are you expecting a call tonight?).

 

I really think that people ought to do this more since especially if one of the two people is being respectful and not having their phone out, it is rude and a little hurtful as well.

 

My cousin (male) suggested to me that some men do this because their phone might be too big for their pockets- thoughts on this??

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My cousin (male) suggested to me that some men do this because their phone might be too big for their pockets- thoughts on this??

 

^ Yes, but that doesn't mean they'd have to have their nose in it all the time.

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I'm guilty of this sometimes. I usually have my phone on the table in silent mode. My work requires me to be on call, so sometimes I take a quick look to see if I missed anything urgent. I only do it when there's a break in conversation. When the other person, date or friend, is talking, they have my full attention, but if there's a break, then I do a quick check.

 

 

My cousin (male) suggested to me that some men do this because their phone might be too big for their pockets- thoughts on this??

I do this. Phone on table is more comfortable.

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It would depend on the level of familiarity. But if I knew someone, I'd be very blunt. I'd give them one phone interruption and then I'd call them on it.

 

This past summer, a close friend who I have nonetheless not seen for 20 years (out of state) had a chance to come with her brother and family to my town, so we met at the hotel and I took her to dinner someplace nice. Her sister in law was back at the hotel. She and my friend don't even particularly like one another, but they have to try to get along. Well, the SIl started calling my friend as soon as we got into my car at the hotel. She had just left her, so she didn't need anything. She was just being nosy and intrusive. And my friend was letting her. My friend had already told me she'd told the SIL what we were doing and out of politeness, even said she could tag along if she wanted to, and she had declined (her whole family was at the hotel). But I guess she decided to "come along" via phone. The first time in the car, I said "She knows you and I were going out, right?" Then when the phone rang again as soon as we got seated at the restaurant, I furrowed my brow and said "She KNOWS you and I haven't seen each other in 20 years, doesn't she??" I have a resting B face anyway, so when I put even the most miniscule amount of effort into knitting my brows, I'm easy enough to read. I just flat out told my friend "You need to tell her to stop calling or else just put your phone on silent." And she did.

 

My friend is no shrinking violet, so can't imagine why she was letting this go on. For no reason.

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It would depend on the level of familiarity. But if I knew someone, I'd be very blunt. I'd give them one phone interruption and then I'd call them on it.

 

This past summer, a close friend who I have nonetheless not seen for 20 years (out of state) had a chance to come with her brother and family to my town, so we met at the hotel and I took her to dinner someplace nice. Her sister in law was back at the hotel. She and my friend don't even particularly like one another, but they have to try to get along. Well, the SIl started calling my friend as soon as we got into my car at the hotel. She had just left her, so she didn't need anything. She was just being nosy and intrusive. And my friend was letting her. My friend had already told me she'd told the SIL what we were doing and out of politeness, even said she could tag along if she wanted to, and she had declined (her whole family was at the hotel). But I guess she decided to "come along" via phone. The first time in the car, I said "She knows you and I were going out, right?" Then when the phone rang again as soon as we got seated at the restaurant, I furrowed my brow and said "She KNOWS you and I haven't seen each other in 20 years, doesn't she??" I have a resting B face anyway, so when I put even the most miniscule amount of effort into knitting my brows, I'm easy enough to read. I just flat out told my friend "You need to tell her to stop calling or else just put your phone on silent." And she did.

 

My friend is no shrinking violet, so can't imagine why she was letting this go on. For no reason.

 

Don't get me started on people making phone calls at the wrong time- I find it sooo annoying when I'm with a friend and his/her phone rings and he/she answers it! It interrupts the entire flow of the conversation and it distracts them and might make their mind linger on the other person even when they're done. I had a couple of friends who hung out with their phones when they thought they were hanging out with me, and guess what, after enduring it for 5 years I have walked away from them.

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Well, the problem these days is people place SmartPhone and texting over face-to-face communication. Some aren't even comfortable with face to face anymore. It's nutso.

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Well, the problem these days is people place SmartPhone and texting over face-to-face communication. Some aren't even comfortable with face to face anymore. It's nutso.

 

I think that part of the problem is the fact. That we don't speak up enough and let it slip. If more people spoke of how it makes them feel, people would not only do it less but might also think a little more about how much they do it.

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I only had this happen to me once. I don't know if people just know me too well and don't do this around me or what. :D

 

The time it did happen, I got up from the table and left. Got in my truck and left. Not a single word about it. I remember the look of shock on the womans face as I was leaving. I got up from the table very abruptly.

 

When I think about it, people who know me know about every friend I have that moved away and how we keep in close touch with our phones but when my phone is with me, I get texts...really bombed with texts and calls. I don't touch my phone like it's a disease when I'm in a room with someone, especially at a table. It's absolutely disrespectful and shows a complete lack of interest in the person you're with. I think...maybe this respect I give other people while my phone is so obviously blowing up that I have to put it in silence mode because of all the noise...is leading by example.

 

If you have a friend who does this continuously, find other friends. There's plenty out there!

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