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How much "truth" should a friend give?


KittyKat67

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I have a childhood friend who is a single mom of 4 kids. I feel she talks to me like a child and for some reason when I call and talk, anything I say she has a solution or advice on what I should do. I know she is just trying to be helpful, but its happening every single time we talk on the phone, I notice if I say anything like "oh I met this guy,...etc"..she will interject and say 'oh just give it time, let it go slow, I know you can do it, I know you can manifest whatever you want, just don't rush and you will be fine"....now I already know this. But this is every single time I am getting that kind of advice. Am I over reacting? We got in a big fight over this.

 

What she thinks is I want a sounding board and that I can't handle the truth. Well who wants truth 100 all the time, telling people about themselves. I do want a sounding board. Sometimes you just want someone to listen. Also, because I tell her stuff on the phone, I am not asking for her advice, I am just telling her whats going on. AM I wrong for not wanting her input?> I have in put from other friends, but they just say stuff in reaction..but not telling me what I should do.

 

I love her dearly, but this has been annoying me for a long time and when I told her, she got mad and said it was me that had the problem. So I realize she isn't going to get it nor is she open to hearing about what is causing me discomfort dealing with her, which hurts quite frankly. We are like sisters, and have been close for the majority of 20 years. But this is something that will make me drop her completely. I can't stand someone telling me what to do ...leave that to my momma.

 

Am I wrong for yes, wanting a sounding board?

Am I over reacting to someone trying to solve any thing I bring up in conversation for me and telling me how I should do it

Edited by KittyKat67
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yeah, that would be annoying.

 

You could try using humour. I got a bit advicy with one of my friends once and she started joking about me teaching her how to suck eggs. (I hope that translates) It got the message across.

 

Alternately, you could answer "yes, mom" each time she gives you advice.

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We are like sisters so we talk about everything. And this is not just about dating, this is about anything. If I say anything she will tell me what to do!!

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Agree. Validating your thoughts, emotions can be a healthy way to be a support.

Unless asked directly, I listen...without further comments. Keeps things neutral for the person to express.

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We are like sisters so we talk about everything. And this is not just about dating, this is about anything. If I say anything she will tell me what to do!!

 

This all starts with you calling her. She has made it clear that she will respond to your calls by advising you. If you don't like her advice, stop calling her to discuss your life!

 

Alternatively, get comfy with the fact that calling her will precipitate a round of well-meaning but unwanted advice. Those are your two choices!

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Yeh, I had a friend like this. We were also like sisters and used to hang out all the time. She began to treat me in a very patronising way, when I started going to therapy, when the truth about my childhood abuse was coming to the surface. She couldn't cope with my truth, I believe, because it was reminding her of her own issues from her childhood which she couldn't face.

 

You are probably representing some kind of painful truth about her, which she refuses to accept, so she needs to put you down, in order keep her eyes blind to this truth. She wouldn't be aware of it or consciously or know what this truth is herself, it's completely subconscious.

 

Has there been some kind of change in your life, which is causing her to treat you this way? Or perhaps deep down, she is not content with her life and is envious of your life, which will also cause her to patronise you/put you down.

Edited by truthtripper
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