friend who keeps making same mistakes seeks words of wisdom

[HansonGirl]

my friend, and I don't mean to be harsh saying this, I am just being honest, is that friend we have who keeps making the same mistakes, and doesn't seem to ever learn her lesson. I knew this was going to happen a week ago. she met a guy on Tinder approximately 2 weeks ago. started liking him before meeting him (I still don't understand that... I have to meet the person, i mean i can see whether they are good looking, but I don't the liking part - but that's a whole other story), and went out with him, and they heavily made out. I was glad she didn't go farther than that but this is Tinder, so I wasn't expecting too much from this guy. Then less than a week later they went out again and this time they had sex. She said, and I quote, "i thought, what the hell, you only live once" but afterwards, she was talking about him about how she really likes him and all this stuff, and even said she wishes he'd call her back so they can snuggle together. I told her that guys generally don't like to snuggle, in and of itself. Now, she's upset because she sees that he goes on tinder, but has not texted her back in a few days. She said she feels used and like garbage. She is coming to me for advice, and I don't know what to tell her. Frankly I knew this would happen. I mean if she truly was ok with "just sex" it'd be one thing, but she clearly wasn't.

What do i say to her, this is not the first time something similar has happened. I would like her to find someone and get serious but not if she keeps doing this stuff! and on the other hand, he talked to her 2 days ago, i don't necessarily think it's a lost cause just yet. I know I don't contact people daily. but in the event this doesn't work out as she wants, then I want to be prepared for the aftermath!!

 

PS, the other thing that i find frustrating, is that she whines and complains about this guy, yet she is also on tinder and already has another date set up for next week. Frankly this is something I don't comprehend.

[LostOnes05]

Sounds like she has zero boundaries and is a bit hypocritical. If it does go south, just tell her it's her own fault. I've never been a "yes man", especially to my friends. Real friends give them the honest truth, even if it stings a bit. I'd much rather a friend bring a behavior to my attention rather than let me continue to do so, to my detriment. To me though, it sounds like she is only interested in playing games and not really serious about meeting someone for a long-term relationship.

[SpiralOut]

She doesn't want advice about what to do. She wants you to comfort her to make her feel better.....even if she won't admit it.

 

I would be honest and tell her that you cannot give her any new advice. You've given your opinion already.

[fiskadoro]

Does she need male approval or attention to feel validated? I have a friend who got her heart broken on Tinder too.

 

Sex with NSA is difficult for many girls, despite how "open-minded" they might see themselves. A few weeks ago there was an article in Vanity Fair about Tinder, full of women feeling they'd cheapened themselves (to varying degrees) and guys swinging from the chandelier, hooting and hollering.

 

Don't bail on your friendship with her, but be firm. Lotsa people go through stages where they debase themselves for outside approval, unfortunately.

[HansonGirl]

Does she need male approval or attention to feel validated? I have a friend who got her heart broken on Tinder too.

 

Sex with NSA is difficult for many girls, despite how "open-minded" they might see themselves. A few weeks ago there was an article in Vanity Fair about Tinder, full of women feeling they'd cheapened themselves (to varying degrees) and guys swinging from the chandelier, hooting and hollering.

 

Don't bail on your friendship with her, but be firm. Lotsa people go through stages where they debase themselves for outside approval, unfortunately.

 

I saw that article. and sent it to her. she read it. and that happened BEFORE this incident. weeks ago.

 

I am going to distance myself from this friend because there are a bunch of other reasons too. At times, she basically takes advantage of me - she literally asked me for me to proofread something for her - basically rewrite it and then the same day said something offensive and rude. I called her out on it. Ideally i'd cut off contact. But i think i get so used to HABITS. I have known her a long time. And i felt like I should just be assertive, instead of burn bridges. I was shocked that she expected me to help her when she was being insulting. I was like are you serious? I don't think it's necessary to "end" the friendship but distance myself big time.

 

And btw, this thing happened again since my last post. It's like a broken record. And I agree that we all go through stages and all that, and I am not trying to sound unsympathetic but at a certain point it gets old. i mean if i have to hear about another time she went out, got wasted, blacked out, and doesn't know exactly what happened, I just will be looking at my watch. Maybe I am a total square but i don't go out every weekend and get drunk - is that what people in their 30's do? maybe once in a while.

[Cherryz]

if she keeps go from guy to guy and also sleep with them, she may have a serieus issues that she is trying to avoid.

 

i think maybe she need you to tell her the hard truth just like it is.

even if it could cost you the freindship,she will be thankful later.

 

she needs a wake up call or learn the very bad ugly way.

but if she listing now she dont have to go true that.

 

beside you guys sound very young. age?

and not to mention all the crazy people you can come acros on the internet.

so its only plus for her not to sleep around and with strangers.

[bathtub-row]

I had a friend like this years ago. I eventually stopped talking to her. She constantly called me asking for advice, wouldn't take it, would screw things up royally (she consistently did this with men), and then would talk about how sorry they would be in the years to come. When I had a major event happen in my life, she listened for about two seconds and then began talking about her problems again. It was then that I realized how one-sided the relationship was, and how sick of her I was. During the years I knew her, she constantly created problems for herself and never understood how they happened. It was maddening. I have no time or energy for people like this.