I realized i have no REAL friends.

[Protec]

I really have never had a REAL friend. No one ever calls me, no one ever asks me how i do.

 

Just now i heard my "friend" was in a halloween party. Well, i wasn't invited.

 

I did not have these problems 10 years ago. Now...i basically am all by myself.

Sure, i have online friends.

 

No one has even visited my apartment. I moved to this apartment about year ago. No one has visited me. I have asked couple friends to visit me...nope.

 

There is something wrong with me. But what?

 

I have NEVER had a true friend. A friend i could count on.

[Satu]

From my journal:

 

 

To be loved, be loving.

To find peace, be peaceful.

To find forgiveness, be forgiving.

To be cared about, be caring.

To be treated kindly, be kind.

To be understood, be understanding.

To have friends, be friendly.

 

We are measured more by what we give than by what we receive.

 

 

Take care.

[crederer]

I was very popular in hs and college. No one other than my mother and my brother ever tries to contact me. I can contact people and have a social life whenever I want, but why does no one ever contact me asking me what I'm up to?

[StBreton]

I was very popular in hs and college. No one other than my mother and my brother ever tries to contact me. I can contact people and have a social life whenever I want, but why does no one ever contact me asking me what I'm up to?

 

Do you call anyone and ask how they are doing?

 

Have you joined a group who have an interest of which you're passionate? If so, have people over to your house for a small dinner party.

 

You must build your social circle like building a house. I have friends for a myriad of interests that I have... kayaking, biking, bunco, camping, medical ... I have a few dinner parties a year that I will combine my groups ... build your network.

[Protec]

From my journal:

 

 

To be loved, be loving.

To find peace, be peaceful.

To find forgiveness, be forgiving.

To be cared about, be caring.

To be treated kindly, be kind.

To be understood, be understanding.

To have friends, be friendly.

 

We are measured more by what we give than by what we receive.

 

 

Take care.

 

I am friendly. I was able to make new "friends" when i went boxing. No problem. But these current friends of mine i've known for longer don't really care for me...

 

I don't know why. I am a nice guy. I have never even picked on anybody. I was picked on in school though.

[Protec]

I was very popular in hs and college. No one other than my mother and my brother ever tries to contact me. I can contact people and have a social life whenever I want, but why does no one ever contact me asking me what I'm up to?

 

This is exactly my problem. Well, my mother passed away 10 years ago, but all i get calls from is my father and my big sister.

 

I have called my friends, i have asked them to visit me in my apartment. "Yeah sure i will come! Let's stay in touch". But for some reason no one has yet visited me. It's always me who has to open the "line of communication".

 

Unless my friends need something... "hey do you have some tools to borrow? I need to fix my car a bit and missing some."

 

I've been lonely wolf more or less during my life.

[emerald86]

Do you know of any volunteer or community organizations you could join? At one point I felt pretty lonely so I joined a local dance team, and made great friends that way. I also went on meetup and found other groups in my area that interested me. Perhaps you can try that.

 

OP, there are always people who are willing to be your true friend. Once you put yourself out there, you may be surprised. I'd say forget about these so-called friends that you have. Those who call you only when they need something are not real friends--I have those "friends" too.

[deen-ooo]

seems tricky but then it is about joining groups. perhaps ask a relative for an objective assessment of your behaviour. it could be something you do that you're not aware of.

[Myragal]

I moved to a new city 4 years ago. I had work colleagues but not really friends. No desire to talk nursing or work gossip once I leave the ward.

 

I joined Meet Up and now have a thousand friends...go on a hike, dance, etc. 3 or 4 times a week. A few gals have become close friends but we see each other at events more so than one on one.

 

I like my own space. I'm not really into just hanging out type of friends but prefer to do some activity. A few hours together then back home to my quiet time.

 

Anyways, I belong to about 15 Meet Up groups and can be as social or not as I want to be. Do something everyday or nothing at all. I actually think Meet Up is even valuable for guys. A few of them have said they had become socially isolated and it was fun to get out and play baseball or dance for the first time in 20 years.

Edited November 23, 2015 by Myragal

[preraph]

I'm guessing you are over 30. I have to say that as people get their own families or even sometimes just an all-encompassing job, they have less time to be social. Especially people who get married (especially if you're still single) and people who have kids really usually just disappear for all practical purposes, too busy with their priorities elsewhere. It is sad and stupid that someone can't seem to have kids and friends at the same time. Usually it's more because they have simply stopped taking care of themselves and put everyone else first, which is always a big mistake.

 

So as you get older, it is way harder to make friends and also to keep them. You have to really work at it and when you do, that will be hits and misses. I tried to make a new friend out at the dog park a dozen years ago when I was 50 and had just lost weight and shaped up and was ready to mingle again and we went to two or three things and then had a falling out because she wanted to sit outside in 104 degree weather and I wouldn't at some restaurant. Never saw her again. Also went out a couple times with an acquaintance from my old crowd. We had a closer friend in common, and that was fun for a few times, and then (excuse maybe or not) she got too busy taking care of her live-in aging mother. Things just interfere when you get out of your 20s.

 

You best bet is to stay active and doing things you enjoy even if you have to do it alone because it will keep you busy, it will make you more interesting (you'll have something to report when you do hear from someone), and you also might meet someone doing things you enjoy and become friends. Good luck. Hang in there! I find my dogs a constant source of joy and companionship, so don't rule that out.

[maturityassets]

I'm guessing you are over 30. I have to say that as people get their own families or even sometimes just an all-encompassing job, they have less time to be social. Especially people who get married (especially if you're still single) and people who have kids really usually just disappear for all practical purposes, too busy with their priorities elsewhere. It is sad and stupid that someone can't seem to have kids and friends at the same time. Usually it's more because they have simply stopped taking care of themselves and put everyone else first, which is always a big mistake.

 

So as you get older, it is way harder to make friends and also to keep them. You have to really work at it and when you do, that will be hits and misses. I tried to make a new friend out at the dog park a dozen years ago when I was 50 and had just lost weight and shaped up and was ready to mingle again and we went to two or three things and then had a falling out because she wanted to sit outside in 104 degree weather and I wouldn't at some restaurant. Never saw her again. Also went out a couple times with an acquaintance from my old crowd. We had a closer friend in common, and that was fun for a few times, and then (excuse maybe or not) she got too busy taking care of her live-in aging mother. Things just interfere when you get out of your 20s.

 

You best bet is to stay active and doing things you enjoy even if you have to do it alone because it will keep you busy, it will make you more interesting (you'll have something to report when you do hear from someone), and you also might meet someone doing things you enjoy and become friends. Good luck. Hang in there! I find my dogs a constant source of joy and companionship, so don't rule that out.

This is great advice. To the OP try not to take things personally, which I know is hard. Trust yourself I would say and don't ever be discouraged by assumptions of why people may or may not reach out to you to hang out. It's one of the most important things I learned in over coming social anxiety and I can tell you first hand its possible to make lasting relationships if you have the right attitude with yourself!

[Protec]

Well, i had fun last night.

 

There was this Pre-Xmas party at the gym i am going into. Great place. Anyway, my old work buddy was there too so talked with him. Very nice guy, he's 5 years older than i am.

Then we talked this and that, had drinks and he had these tickets to a Stand Up Comedy show for him and his friend. Then i thought "can i come along?" It was okay and i was lucky enough to get a ticket to that show.

 

So i had great night and again i realised that i've been mostly just hanging around with wrong kind of people. With this guy, i can talk about adult stuff etc. very different than my "real" friend i find pretty immature.

 

This sounds harsh i know, but i don't think men in their 30's should hang around local gas station drinking coffee and talking about cars and revvin engines.

 

I used to, too, when i was younger. And used to hang out with my "friends" couple years ago, but i got bored. All we did was sit in there, people talk about cars and oils and whatnot. Boring.

 

I want to go bowling, into movies, in to a bar have a few beers, go to city, etc. Not sit in a god damn gas station.

 

So, i really think i have "grown" out from my friends...I just find nothing common with them anymore.