I know so many people but I don't actually have friends?

[QueenDafine]

Ok so I'm still in school and obviously this stuff is gonna bother me.. well so I realised I know so many people and I talk to ALOT of people, I mean I get 100 + likes on facebook but I like dont even actually have friends.. I know I look popular on the outside but when it comes time I only really have two people who I can fully rely on and call my best friends. It frustrates me so much.. the thing is Ive gained most of my friends through my sporting stuff and most of those friends live way too far away for me to get closettled with and for real friendships.. and tbh almost everyone at my school hates me and I practically have only one friend there, who is one of my best friend's, that is also moving away next week, so I'm going to be more alone. This realization has got me feeling so down because in reality I know that I just don't even have friends!? And my other best friend lives 6 hours away so that doesn't help. I just feel so miserable atm knowing I literally have no one to hnf out with, I got no one. And also the fact that my best friend is moving away by next week depresses me so bad because I'm just gonna have no one. I feel like my life is over tbh I can't do this by myself

[turnera]

The honest truth, which you'll realize as you get older, is that you have to WORK to make and keep relationships. I watch this with my 25 year old daughter all the time. She's constantly evaluating her friendships to see if she needs to put more effort into becoming closer to someone, give up some friendships if the person proves to be a User (in it only for themselves), or just accept that some are superficial relationships and keep it at that level.

 

And the people you know are probably sitting at home themselves, wondering why they don't have any real friends. Maybe wishing someone would call them up and ask them to hang out.

 

Especially in this age of electronics. Before cell phones, people actually traveled to other people's houses and knocked on doors just to see if they were home! Face time! And before Internet, people made concrete plans to meet up somewhere and people felt an actual obligation to really show up.

 

Things like that took effort, physical effort, to maintain friends. I think that today, you guys just don't understand that part.

[StBreton]

The honest truth, which you'll realize as you get older, is that you have to WORK to make and keep relationships. I watch this with my 25 year old daughter all the time. She's constantly evaluating her friendships to see if she needs to put more effort into becoming closer to someone, give up some friendships if the person proves to be a User (in it only for themselves), or just accept that some are superficial relationships and keep it at that level.

 

And the people you know are probably sitting at home themselves, wondering why they don't have any real friends. Maybe wishing someone would call them up and ask them to hang out.

 

Especially in this age of electronics. Before cell phones, people actually traveled to other people's houses and knocked on doors just to see if they were home! Face time! And before Internet, people made concrete plans to meet up somewhere and people felt an actual obligation to really show up.

 

Things like that took effort, physical effort, to maintain friends. I think that today, you guys just don't understand that part.

 

 

This definitely OP ^^^^

 

I am now an official Uber driver for my kids and their friends (so are the other kid's parents and nice to share)...I'm enjoying every minute of it as my parents did for me. I teach my kids to foster friendships and to have a few friendship circles to cover their interests/activities So far they've done that. I also tell teach them about making sure relationships are not just one sided and both friends put effort in.

 

Get some new interests/hobbies and ck out meetup groups OP ...even at my age I've made several new friends ... If you meet someone you like ask if they'd like to meet for happy hour.

[preraph]

You could stand back and carefully select someone at school you would like to get to know, someone who isn't already popular and probably also needs a friend, and you could just go up and start talking to her or sit by her at lunch or just ask her if she wants to be friends.

 

I know it seems odd to just ask, but a lot of my friendships started some variation of that. In college, I was drawn to a girl in cowboy boots and just told her I loved her boots and we were roommates for many years to come. At work, a close friend of mine decades later was impressed by me pitching a fit at work one day when I was in quite a mental state and sidled right up to me and we were living together within a week. It was all a bit Thelma & Louise-y, but...

Then one day in a punk club, a much younger girl who had recently started working at the retail place I worked cornered me and said something like "I want to be friends with you because I know you know __ and ___, and I love those guys. 35 years later, we are still great friends.

 

But choose wisely. Don't set yourself up for failure. I know it may seem like you are a world apart different from people in school, but from my perspective of being an older woman now, I can clearly see that for the most part, those people from your community you went to school with or worked with when young who are from your generation are more like you than any future generation will be. They simply can't be that different than you because so many influences were the same.

[sportygirl89]

You could stand back and carefully select someone at school you would like to get to know, someone who isn't already popular and probably also needs a friend, and you could just go up and start talking to her or sit by her at lunch or just ask her if she wants to be friends.

 

I know it seems odd to just ask, but a lot of my friendships started some variation of that. In college, I was drawn to a girl in cowboy boots and just told her I loved her boots and we were roommates for many years to come. At work, a close friend of mine decades later was impressed by me pitching a fit at work one day when I was in quite a mental state and sidled right up to me and we were living together within a week. It was all a bit Thelma & Louise-y, but...

Then one day in a punk club, a much younger girl who had recently started working at the retail place I worked cornered me and said something like "I want to be friends with you because I know you know __ and ___, and I love those guys. 35 years later, we are still great friends.

 

But choose wisely. Don't set yourself up for failure. I know it may seem like you are a world apart different from people in school, but from my perspective of being an older woman now, I can clearly see that for the most part, those people from your community you went to school with or worked with when young who are from your generation are more like you than any future generation will be. They simply can't be that different than you because so many influences were the same.

 

I agree with the choose wisely. I had a an issue stop my prayer partner at church. Ever since that his ended it has been nearly impossible for me to get to know people. If I regret anything its I should have picked someone different and more like me. I'm meeting with the preacher before I just give up and leave to see if he has any suggestions that might help.

[sportygirl89]

The honest truth, which you'll realize as you get older, is that you have to WORK to make and keep relationships. I watch this with my 25 year old daughter all the time. She's constantly evaluating her friendships to see if she needs to put more effort into becoming closer to someone, give up some friendships if the person proves to be a User (in it only for themselves), or just accept that some are superficial relationships and keep it at that level.

 

And the people you know are probably sitting at home themselves, wondering why they don't have any real friends. Maybe wishing someone would call them up and ask them to hang out.

 

Especially in this age of electronics. Before cell phones, people actually traveled to other people's houses and knocked on doors just to see if they were home! Face time! And before Internet, people made concrete plans to meet up somewhere and people felt an actual obligation to really show up.

 

Things like that took effort, physical effort, to maintain friends. I think that today, you guys just don't understand that part.

 

 

I think social media has a lot to do with that. If people don't have you as a friend on facebook, they do not talk to you in real life. I agree it's harder once out of college. You also have to remember most of our age people are engaged or married by our age. So you have to get to know people as couples not as individuals (it's really annoying). I had this one friend who I never understood but it was always her and her boyfriend. I remember only inviting her, but her boyfriend ended up coming most of the time.

[chapter44]

I heard someone say recently "to have friends we must be a friend" to me that is more than to "like" someone's FB post. I can count the number of true friendships I have on both hands and most have been developed over 20 or 30 years long before the invention of facebook. I would suggest putting yourself out there a bit more in the real world and see what happens.

[Goodbye]

I heard someone say recently "to have friends we must be a friend" to me that is more than to "like" someone's FB post. I can count the number of true friendships I have on both hands and most have been developed over 20 or 30 years long before the invention of facebook. I would suggest putting yourself out there a bit more in the real world and see what happens.

 

 

 

I am very grateful to have grown up before social media. Like you, I have a core group of friends who are more like family. We see each other infrequently, but the depth of friendship is something that is rare these days. I would fail miserably in the world socially if social media was the primary contact with other humans.

[chapter44]

I am very grateful to have grown up before social media. Like you, I have a core group of friends who are more like family. We see each other infrequently, but the depth of friendship is something that is rare these days. I would fail miserably in the world socially if social media was the primary contact with other humans.

 

Great minds think alike. I knew there was a reason I liked you!