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Has he gone mental?


Dorkette

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Hi Love Shackers! :) If you could help me figure this out that would be great! :D

 

I have something going through my mind that quite frankly I have put aside for some time now thinking I was just making crazy notions in my head. But it keeps happening...

 

There's this guy (isn't there always? lol) who I've known for a few years, never had a romantic relationship with him or sex. We did have a couple of kisses WAAAAY back when and a lot of great convos. Just so you get a little bit of background.

 

The thing is, he acts so strange around me! I think for the most part I am being quite normal and friendly with him. I see him almost everyday, sometimes he's normal says hi, jokes around, some in sexual content and other times not. Then other days he will say hi to the women present except me. It's like he does it on purpose! Yes, it bothers me because I cannot explain this strange behavior. Has he gone mental? Have I gone mental? LOL!

 

I can't for the life of me understand what is going on. I just want to understand so I could know how to deal with it better. Right now when he ignores me completely like that I just ignore him back, let him have his convos with other people (usually women) present, and I have my convos with other people... And the day passes with us not saying a word to eachother.

 

Do any of you have ANY idea what is going on with him? :confused:

 

Thanks! :)

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Now... He is trying to get your attention by not giving you any attention. What you need to do is just start talking to him. Don't make him think that your upset about not talking to him. Like when he says hi to the other women, just make sure you chime in everyonce and a while. Just ask him how he is doing . Maybe he thinks you are ignoring him. Who knows. Step up and break the ice!!!

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Hey thanks ag!

 

Thing is I don't ignore him. This weird tension is coming from him. Maybe he just feels uncomfortable in my presence? I don't know. It's very strange stuff. Or maybe I'm throwing out some vibe without knowing? This is so confusing. lol

 

I do know that he knows how to get my attention, he will just crack a joke about me (we all joke all the time) or will just simply say "hi *****".

 

He's very upfront type of guy and is pretty smooth with everyone. With me however, there's something strange. I can't put my finger on it.

 

"Step up and break the ice!!!"

 

I've done this many times, he will step up too and then backs away abruptly.

 

:confused:

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SuperFantastico

Well being a guy who has liked a girl ....uh who was a friend, i'd have to say he probably

likes you. But being unable to muster the courage to say anything probably

has him frustrated. And he vents by ingnoring you thinking maybe he will get

you jelouse enough to profess your love to him.

 

Uh then again i could be just crazy ;)

 

Its very difficult to be a friend to someone you have a crush on. Do you have

a boyfriend right now? How long has he been acting like this. Does he act like this

when you are talking to other guys, or if you've been hanging with other people more?

Does he have alot of friends, or is he one of those lone wolf types. Is he a shy

guy.......uh guess need some more details.

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Why not just come right out and ask him. Don't play games. Tell him how you feel, what you want to know. Better knowing, no matter what the truth is...Not knowing is just gonna eat you up even more.

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SuperFantastico

The problem with that idea is what if the friend does say 'yes i am madley deeply

in love with you with all my heart and soul'

 

Then what do you do. Say 'I'm sorry but i think of you as only a friend'

Might as well poke them in the eye with a fork.

 

Or they might just get all nervous and wierd. Guess if the friendship is already

kinda strange, this would be the only way to get somekind of resolution either

way.

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Originally posted by SuperFantastico

Well being a guy who has liked a girl ....uh who was a friend, i'd have to say he probably

likes you. But being unable to muster the courage to say anything probably

has him frustrated. And he vents by ingnoring you thinking maybe he will get

you jelouse enough to profess your love to him.

 

Uh then again i could be just crazy ;)

 

Its very difficult to be a friend to someone you have a crush on. Do you have

a boyfriend right now? How long has he been acting like this. Does he act like this

when you are talking to other guys, or if you've been hanging with other people more?

Does he have alot of friends, or is he one of those lone wolf types. Is he a shy

guy.......uh guess need some more details.

 

It's funny that you say "Its very difficult to be a friend to someone you have a crush on." because that has popped in my mind, little things here and there that he does. If this is the case what's the problem? He's a pretty confident straight forward type of guy. I don't get it.

 

You know, my gut reaction to some of his actions has been that he is trying to stir something up in me, to see if I get jealous.

 

No I don't have a boyfriend.

 

He has been acting like this for the past 2 years or so.

 

When I'm talking to other guys he'll throw in smartazz comments once in a while.

 

Yes he has a lot of friends, very social type of guy.

 

Why not just come right out and ask him. Don't play games. Tell him how you feel, what you want to know. Better knowing, no matter what the truth is...Not knowing is just gonna eat you up even more.

 

I told him a few years back how I felt about him. However, things have changed. He never showed an interest so I thought he wasn't interested. I still like him but not as much as before, and I don't know if that can be rekindled.

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Originally posted by SuperFantastico

The problem with that idea is what if the friend does say 'yes i am madley deeply

in love with you with all my heart and soul'

 

Then what do you do. Say 'I'm sorry but i think of you as only a friend'

Might as well poke them in the eye with a fork.

 

Or they might just get all nervous and wierd. Guess if the friendship is already

kinda strange, this would be the only way to get somekind of resolution either

way.

 

I may not love him as I once did, but I still get butterflies when I see the critter. Grrr lol

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SuperFantastico

Hmm, then perhaps you are in my boat then. So you were the one who liked

him and he wanted to be friends?

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Originally posted by SuperFantastico

Hmm, then perhaps you are in my boat then. So you were the one who liked

him and he wanted to be friends?

 

Well we never really discussed it.

 

See this was my first experience with this level of intensity for man :confused: so it was really tough for me. I handled everything all wrong. When we first met it started with an overall attraction on both of our parts. However, I flew that cuckoos nest. I couldn't understand what the heck was going on so I ran.

 

BUT, and here is where I can see that maybe he has some resentment towards me, I lied to him about some stuff because what I was feeling was extremely intense for me that I just wanted him out of my life. That level of emotions and all kind of stuff going through me, consumed me completely. It scared the heck outta me. So I pushed him away.

 

I think, that is the reason why I find it very difficult to look him in the eye when I see him, I feel so ashamed for lying. :(

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SuperFantastico

Perhaps its just a bit of what if syndrome. That coupled with the fact that you

guys have been friends for so long and kinda missed the window where this

would have been taken to the next level, has left a bit of resentment???

in the relationship.

 

That might explain where this tension comes from. You were both attacted

to one anouther and for one reason or anouther it never connected.

 

I wouldnt worry too much about lying to him. It was for a perfectly logical

reason. It wasnt to be mean. You were just scared. Fight or flight and all that.

 

I would suggest maybe a) talking to him about it or b) just distancing yourself

from him for a few months or something. Not cut off contact completely.

Just giving you both time to grow and adjust.

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I don't know what it is, I've stopped thinking about what-if. You can't live your life in the past.

 

However, this is someone that DOES mean A LOT to me overall. Very special person. That is why it bothers me so much that he won't come and talk to me if something is bothering him.

 

But I will respect that and let him be. I don't want to interfere in his personal space if he doesn't invite me in. That's how much respect I have for him.

 

I really don't think it's a good idea to bring anything up to him, with his actions the past couple of years he is just to unpredictable and I don't want to shake him up in any way.

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SuperFantastico

Ok, what actions has he taken? It is difficult for me to step into your shoes. I need

more info or else i project my own experiences ;)

 

For me personally, the girl i liked didnt like me but i like her. so we have/had this

wierd dynamic sorta like you and this guy. But it was mutual attraction for you too

and only me for her...er ...with me. so you see my dilema.

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The weird actions I wrote about earlier. Ya know all the Jeckyll and Hyde stuff? Let me tell you, he let's me get away with a lot! Why on earth would he? He's also scolded me a lot too. LOL!

 

Yeah I see your dilemma, sorry about that :( . How do you know she's not attracted to you have you made a move?

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SuperFantastico

For me personally, i would try to make her jelouse to try to see if she had any sort of

feelings for me, for instance.

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SuperFantastico

Well I think its been too long. I've known her for 10 years now. I think we've gotten

to the faze where you are just friends out of habit. Perhaps feelings out of habit

too. I've opted to end our friendship though. I mean she went away to mexico

with her current boyfriend and i got jelouse?!! Its been like that for some time too.

Always back and forth.

 

So its kinda unfair for both of us. But its a very long story with me. And the

two of you seem much healthier ;) So i think just putting a bit of distance between

both of you for a bit is a better solution. Especially if he wont talk about it. Just

move on with your life. And if you both should become close again in the future,

perhaps it will be on more equal normal terms :laugh:

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Don't do that! I'm living proof right here in this thread that it doesn't work!!!

 

Someone could know how to suppres their jealousy. Don't go by that.

 

I think it's in the eyes. Have you seen a little sparkle in her eyes when she first sees you?

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Well, I wasn't looking for advice on how him and I can reconnect, I just wanted to know what was up with his actions.

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SuperFantastico

I think sometimes that she does like me, but for whatever reason it never pans out.

Its been 10 YEARS!! its not gonna pan out for me. But i know know i cant be 'just

friends' with her. Every time she gets a new guy it tears a bit of my heart out.

 

And what kind of friend can i be, if i get jelouse or 'wierd' if she gets a guy.

I cant advise her without bias. If i cant do that, then i'm of no use. Plus

i dont really want to hear it anyways. I want to go out with her. Not hear

about some dumn shmuck thats going out with her and treating her badly.

 

I grew up on romantic flicks. Guess its from all my sisters and mom. So I still

belive in true love and all that stuff. But at the same time, experience has taught

me that what love tells you would be the perfect match, isnt always the case.

Its like blinders on a horse. You cant see anything but whats right in front of

you. you miss all the details and little hints.

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SuperFantastico

oh.......lol......right. Well i think he is just jelouse. It might only be because you two

were and are so close. its a psudo relationship. Very intimate but at the same

time. Not at all. Sometimes it might just be a case of he feels that you are

not on the same ground. You might have someone and he might be single.

Or maybe he just likes having your attention. And confusing you like this

is focusing your attention on him. So he is successful in what he set out to do.

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Originally posted by SuperFantastico

I think sometimes that she does like me, but for whatever reason it never pans out.

Its been 10 YEARS!! its not gonna pan out for me. But i know know i cant be 'just

friends' with her. Every time she gets a new guy it tears a bit of my heart out.

 

And what kind of friend can i be, if i get jelouse or 'wierd' if she gets a guy.

I cant advise her without bias. If i cant do that, then i'm of no use. Plus

i dont really want to hear it anyways. I want to go out with her. Not hear

about some dumn shmuck thats going out with her and treating her badly.

 

I grew up on romantic flicks. Guess its from all my sisters and mom. So I still

belive in true love and all that stuff. But at the same time, experience has taught

me that what love tells you would be the perfect match, isnt always the case.

Its like blinders on a horse. You cant see anything but whats right in front of

you. you miss all the details and little hints.

 

10 YEARS?!?!?! DAMN!

 

Well how about you tell her it's all or nothing? Have you thought about that. ANd maybe you should be taking your on advice here "stay away for a while"?

 

Or maybe he just likes having your attention. And confusing you like this

is focusing your attention on him. So he is successful in what he set out to do.

 

I can see that being it.

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SuperFantastico

The stupid thing is, i dont even think i want to go out with her. Its all habit now.

And i've tried everyting to be 'just friends' . the only solution i can think of

is to completely cut it off. She also has a boyfriend right now. So the whole

its all or nothing, thing probably wouldnt work.

 

ultimatums are kinda cheesy anyways. It will be better in the long run anyways.

I will just move on as will she. Just gonna be hard though. Its only been two weeks

;) .

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Ugh sorry you're going through that. :(

 

Yeah it is cheesy, but it has been 10 years that's why I said it.

 

You said in another post that you want to go out with her, don't lie. :p

 

Hey I admit it, if this guy asks me out, of course I would go.

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SuperFantastico

ha ha ha. Ok i've been found out. I'll admit it. Part of me aches so bad for her,

it feels like im dying sometimes. But at the same time, the more logical sane part

of me knows that even if it did work i would probably be unhappy(she can be

quite difficult sometimes. I guess everyone can. )

 

But i've also become emotionally drained too. I cant live a double life where

i pretend that i'm cool with every new boyfriend she has. Because im not. Not

even close. And everytime i think i am, she just has to push the right buttons

and im insane again. Thats not fair to me. I think she enjoys the attention and

loves to drive me crazy. But im not gonna play by her rules. If she wants my

attention, shes gonna have to give too. you know ;) heh. plutonic-smutonic.

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