Friends aren't considerate of me

September 23, 2015

I have two girl friends, Kelly and Lexi. They were friends far before they knew me but then we all got to be good friends. I got really close to Kelly and she and I are very similar. Lexi has had a serious boyfriend for years now. I have recently just started going with someone, and Kelly is in the very early stages of dating someone.

Recently Lexi mentioned going to this Fall fair about an hour away. It sounded really fun and I was down to go. I knew Lexi would invite her boyfriend so I needed to see if my boyfriend would be able to get work off to go. I asked him and he said he would have to wait until it got a little bit closer. I told the girls this and then Lexi comes out with, "Oh well my boyfriend and I already bought tickets."

I found this odd, since I thought this was something we were all coordinating together. I would have made sure we all bought tickets.

Then Kelly tells me how if my boyfriend can't get it off work then she won't invite the new guy she is dating. But if my boyfriend can, then she will. I found this sweet, thinking she would not invite her guy if I didn't have my guy so I wouldn't be alone. As we were all talking, she was texting. Minutes later she comes back with "Oh my guy can go, he's excited."

I was like "what?"

I thought she was waiting on my boyfriend to invite her date. Now I was stuck.

Then it all happened so fast where Lexi and Kelly, in front of me, decide they are all going to carpool together, to reduce cost.

I was mad. My boyfriend hadn't gotten his work schedule yet, and now we would have to drive alone, and pay to park alone. It wasn't fair.

Just the other day my boyfriend found out he could go. Today we went on to buy tickets to see that they had gone up in price a few dollars. I was so mad. Thinking Kelly didn't buy hers either, I messaged her about it. She tells me how they already bought theirs and got the deal.

I was so mad. Apparently there was a deal where tickets were cheaper until a certain date. I did not know this. It seems Lexi and Kelly did know this. Why did no one tell me?

Now my boyfriend and I have to pay full price. I am considering not even going at this point since I feel like its going to be the Lexi and Kelly show the whole time.

All Kelly does is talk about the new boy she is dating. Its annoying. I just got in a relationship and its new and fresh and I keep some things private so I get no attention for my new relationship.

I'm super frustrated with my friends at this point. I really wanted to go to this event because I thought it would be fun, but planning with them is anything but fun. I feel like my boyfriend and I aren't considered at all.

Lexi is this way. Every time Lexi makes a plan, she picks the day, time, details and you need to fit into her schedule or you don't go. She does this all the time and Kelly is very naive and just goes alone with it. I hate it. I consider everyone in my plans and try to be very flexible so everyone is happy. I can guarantee if we go to this fair, it will be us chasing around Lexi and her boyfriend all day. I wouldn't even be surprised if they left us at some point during the day.

Edited September 23, 2015 by amkxoxo

September 23, 2015

If these are the same friends you went away with a while ago but one wanted to bring her roommate which upset you I think part of this is you might not speak up for yourself.

As a general proposition in groups I always assume everyone is on their own to buy tickets & arrange accommodations unless other plans are made. I would speak to them about not telling you ticket prices were going up after a certain time but because the info was available OL you could have checked yourself. Does anybody in your group have a vehicle that fits 6? Talk about taking that.

As a life proposition most people prioritize their SOs over their friends so what they did doesn't shock me but I would gently ask Kelly why she asked her BF before knowing what yours was doing when she indicated that she would essentially be your date if your BF couldn't get the time off.

Look at it this way, you get more alone time in the car with your guy & if the festival isn't that much fun you & him can bail rather than being stuck because the rest of the group doesn't want to go. For the freedom alone I prefer to have my own car at these things.

September 23, 2015

I always just figure people want to coordinate together. I coordinate with everyone. I want everyone to be happy. I am fine with my guy and I driving ourselves, I guess I am irritated that they didn't even give us the option of carpooling. They made their carpooling plan immediately before my guy knew if he could get work off. If this was happening the other way around, I would have said "Hey lets wait until we know who is going and make a carpool plan then."

My guy and I are forced to go by ourselves, we don't even have the option of riding with other people. Lexi always has the only say. Its always her schedule and her priorities. I prioritize my boyfriend too. But Lexi plans everything that is good for her and her boyfriend. if you can't go the date and time that she says, then sorry, you can't go with them at all. I have even asked if we can do something at 12pm noon instead of 10am and she said "sorry, but I'm going at 10."

I thought Lexi wanted all of us to be able to go, but it seems she made this whole plan for her and her boyfriend whether or not anyone else could go. I don't work that way. I like everyone to go together and have a good time when they have time.

When I do speak up for myself, I always look like a Bitch. I don't even say it to be a bitch but I look like one. So now I say nothing and try to go with the flow.

Lexi wants Kelly and I and her to go stay a night at this fancy hotel some weekend. I loved that idea. I really want to go. I work Monday-Friday. Lexi works Tuesday-Saturday.

Lexi mentioned staying over Sunday-Monday.

I reminded her that I work. She says nothing and just says how she already took a bunch of days off for her boyfriend and she can't take any more. She almost says it like I should be the one taking a day off. Why should I? I work hard and its not my fault she took off other days for other things. I refused to take a Monday off from work. I insisted we go on a Saturday. Lexi says nothing. She won't say Yes. I guarantee months from now, she will bring up the fancy hotel and how we should go and she will mention Sunday night again. She will say it like we didn't already talk about it.

September 23, 2015

You are like me. . . you want every body to be together & for it to all be harmonious. Most people don't think like we do.

Going forward what helped me was to assume most people have a selfish agenda & are only interested in themselves. I work around that . . . showing up when I want to & letting them do their own thing. When I am proven wrong that makes me happy. But it prevents disappointment.

For example DH I like to cruise. Many times other people join us but it's just too much of p.i.t.a. to coordinate everybody. I give people the details. I tell them to book themselves & let me know if they do. I will tell them our flights. I'm not breaking my chops to get them on the same flight. They have computers & travel agents. On board, our "rule" is you know where to find up. We're happy to do stuff with you but its' not required. We will usually be at this bar for happy hour. Please stroll through if we haven't see you that day so we know you didn't fall over board.

It really takes the stress out of traveling with others.

September 23, 2015

Kelly just goes along with anything. Kelly doesn't have much of a life so a lot of times she just goes with anyone. She is free a lot with no plans. I keep asking Kelly to save her money and fly across the country with me to see a friend of mine and hers. He lives there and keeps asking us to come visit. I have been dying to go. Kelly just keeps pushing it off and won't commit. Recently an airline had some cheap flights and I told her about them. I figured it was cheap enough for it not to be a money issue. She tells me she can't have any weekend off of her job because they need her and wouldn't let her have any time off, so she can't go. I was bummed.

A few weeks ago she announces that her other job was taking her to a conference for a weekend across the country. She quickly got the weekend off and went jet setting across the country, what she told me she couldn't do with me.

September 23, 2015

Kelly just goes along with anything. Kelly doesn't have much of a life so a lot of times she just goes with anyone. She is free a lot with no plans. I keep asking Kelly to save her money and fly across the country with me to see a friend of mine and hers. He lives there and keeps asking us to come visit. I have been dying to go. Kelly just keeps pushing it off and won't commit. Recently an airline had some cheap flights and I told her about them. I figured it was cheap enough for it not to be a money issue. She tells me she can't have any weekend off of her job because they need her and wouldn't let her have any time off, so she can't go. I was bummed.

A few weeks ago she announces that her other job was taking her to a conference for a weekend across the country. She quickly got the weekend off and went jet setting across the country, what she told me she couldn't do with me.

She went on a work trip. It's not exactly the same as going on a weekend away with a friend.

I honestly don't see anything wrong with what they've done.

When I want to go to something and I have a "date", I will buy tickets and in essence just urge other people to come along, but whether they do or not is, quite frankly, their business.

You are basically being a bit co-dependent on your friends and clearly they're not... So just deal with it. Buying tickets without you is not inconsiderate. Nor is making carpool plans when you don't know if you're going alone or with someone else. As for the ticket price, they were on sale! You could have gotten one anyway. It was on you to find out the price, not them.

September 24, 2015

You are basically being a bit co-dependent on your friends and clearly they're not... So just deal with it. Buying tickets without you is not inconsiderate. Nor is making carpool plans when you don't know if you're going alone or with someone else. As for the ticket price, they were on sale! You could have gotten one anyway. It was on you to find out the price, not them.

This is exactly what I was thinking.

Spot on, ASG.

September 24, 2015

She did not go on a work trip. It wasn't a business trip. Her boss didn't require she go. Her boss asked if she would like to accompany her to this trip. She knows my friend has other jobs and goes to school, so that is why she asked. Her boss goes on this trips all the time by herself so it wasn't a huge thing to take my friend.

I am not being co-dependent. I am being thoughtful. If I was in that situation I would have said

"Hey guys my boyfriend and I are buying tickets to this fair on this date. The tickets are on sale now. I hope you guys can come. Let me know. "

This is not what happened. My friend threw out all of us going to the fair on a certain day and nothing was ever mentioned about it again until I asked and then my friend told me how she and her boyfriend already had tickets and a plan for that day. Nice of her to share those thoughts with others in the group whom she invited. I consider everyone involved. Lexi considers herself.

When I make plans with the group. I throw out dates and times and try to be felxible so everyone possible has the opportunity to go if they want to. I understand if a few cannot go, it happens, but I try to make everyone happy. My friend Lexi will say "I'm doing this on this day and time, if you want to do it."

If you say "oh no I can't, but can we do it another night this week."

She will blatantly say no and go about her plans without you. I see it as, if one or two people cannot attend, but a decent amount can, then that is the best time for the most people. Lexi doesn't care as long as her and her boyfriend go. Its not a nice way to be when including other people. Kelly recently planned her birthday and made it a night and time that worked for everyone involved.

it would have been nice to wait until everyone had tickets and we made a plan for the day then to make carpooling plans. I wasn't very familiar with this fair and that they had pre-sale tickets. Lexi clearly knew. It would have been nice for her to mention it to Kelly and I. I did look up ticket prices and I did do my research. I didn't realize the price would have gone up after time. I thought my boyfriend and I had time.

Its not a huge deal, but I care too much about m friends instead of myself. When I make a plan around me and my life I look like a b****.

September 24, 2015

It was still a trip your friend didn't have to pay for. Hence she went.

You have to accept the fact that you will most often be nicer & more flexible to others then they will ever be to you. That has been my experience more often then not but it is so delightful when I'm pleasantly surprised.

Short answer: grow a thicker skin, which is easier said than done.

September 25, 2015

I can somewhat relate to this story. I don't know if you're particularly shy or rather passive.

It does seem like your friend went on that trip because someone else paid for it, so I wouldn't be too upset about that.

But I know how it is being the nice person. You sit amongst a group of people all talking to each other, making plans between themselves and leaving you out. It doesn't seem particularly deliberate, and to all intents and purposes, they are nice and good people that you can't think badly of. But for some reason, they just don't think.

I don't know why they don't think. You probably do, and would think nothing of helping and doing things for people.

I sadly don't have any answers. Growing a thicker skin can back fire. I fear becoming desensitised and end up trying less.

September 25, 2015

I am not being co-dependent. I am being thoughtful.

Every co-dependent person says they are being "thoughtful", specially the passive aggressive ones.

Your threads have certainly proven that.

September 26, 2015

When I make a plan around me and my life I look like a b****.

According to who?

September 27, 2015

She did not go on a work trip. It wasn't a business trip. Her boss didn't require she go. Her boss asked if she would like to accompany her to this trip. She knows my friend has other jobs and goes to school, so that is why she asked. Her boss goes on this trips all the time by herself so it wasn't a huge thing to take my friend.

I am not being co-dependent. I am being thoughtful. If I was in that situation I would have said

"Hey guys my boyfriend and I are buying tickets to this fair on this date. The tickets are on sale now. I hope you guys can come. Let me know. "

This is not what happened. My friend threw out all of us going to the fair on a certain day and nothing was ever mentioned about it again until I asked and then my friend told me how she and her boyfriend already had tickets and a plan for that day. Nice of her to share those thoughts with others in the group whom she invited. I consider everyone involved. Lexi considers herself.

When I make plans with the group. I throw out dates and times and try to be felxible so everyone possible has the opportunity to go if they want to. I understand if a few cannot go, it happens, but I try to make everyone happy. My friend Lexi will say "I'm doing this on this day and time, if you want to do it."

If you say "oh no I can't, but can we do it another night this week."

She will blatantly say no and go about her plans without you. I see it as, if one or two people cannot attend, but a decent amount can, then that is the best time for the most people. Lexi doesn't care as long as her and her boyfriend go. Its not a nice way to be when including other people. Kelly recently planned her birthday and made it a night and time that worked for everyone involved.

it would have been nice to wait until everyone had tickets and we made a plan for the day then to make carpooling plans. I wasn't very familiar with this fair and that they had pre-sale tickets. Lexi clearly knew. It would have been nice for her to mention it to Kelly and I. I did look up ticket prices and I did do my research. I didn't realize the price would have gone up after time. I thought my boyfriend and I had time.

Its not a huge deal, but I care too much about m friends instead of myself. When I make a plan around me and my life I look like a b****.

You ARE co-dependent.

And it WAS a work trip. Going to a conference is work, even if it's not mandatory! And your friend didn't have to pay for it. Makes a WORLD of difference.

Quick example of something that happened in MY life last week:

I have some friends in a show that was in town for a week and they had a great deal for cheap tickets. I decided to go on Thursday evening. The Friday before I went out with a couple of friends and mentioned to them that I was going on Thursday and if they wanted to join. One of them said yes, the other said she was going to try and get us free tickets.

Turns out there were no free tickets for Thursday, and could I do Tuesday or Wednesday instead. I couldn't. So that friend decided to go on a day with free tickets. And even though the other decided to come with me anyway, I wouldn't have been upset in the slightest if she'd gone for the free tickets.

You don't look like a bitch when you make plans based on you. You look like a normal person with a backbone.

September 27, 2015

Lexi is this way. Every time Lexi makes a plan, she picks the day, time, details and you need to fit into her schedule or you don't go. She does this all the time and Kelly is very naive and just goes alone with it. I hate it. I consider everyone in my plans and try to be very flexible so everyone is happy.

Um... that's kinda how plans work? If Lexi wants to arrange something, it's down to her to decide the place and time and invite people along. It's not down to her to decide on a vague idea for something to do and then wait on everyone else to get back to her about it. Maybe she's a busy woman. I'm busy, if I want to do something with friends I'll arrange it for a certain date and time because that's the only time I can do it, and vice versa for them. I don't expect my best friends to wait for my confirmation to plan something together!

Regarding the fair, sounds like they really wanted to go and weren't willing to wait around risking the tickets being sold out because your boyfriend didn't have his schedule yet. I'd have done the same, booked my tickets so that I had them sorted already and then if someone wants to come along, great. If you didn't want that to happen, you should have told them your boyfriend couldn't confirm yes, so you were going to go and he might see about it later on if tickets are still available. And you're complaining about a few dollars extra ticket price? That's your fault, not theirs! And it's so 'unfair' to have to drive and park? Seriously?

Sounds to me like you're just plain jealous of the bond those two have and feel like you're always being left out in the cold by them and they value each other more than they value you, that's common in friendship groups, always gonna get some people closer than others. The key is to be adult about it and accept that you can't all always be there for something, and their friendship doesn't weaken yours with either of them.

No offence but you sound like a bit of a pain to plan things with, if I were Lexi and picked up on this I'd be thinking what is this girl's problem? You're acting all uptight and now you don't even want to go because you'll be 'chasing them around' so, don't go? You're not obligated to. I would think it rude if I invited a friend to something, she wouldn't confirm either way, then she got annoyed because I went ahead and booked it, and that upset her so much she decided not to go. Drama drama drama.

September 28, 2015

I'm inclined to agree with some of the other posters here. I'm reading a lot of "I would have done this" or "I would have said that". Which is great, but you can't expect others to do what you would do. That's the thing about individuality, everyone handles things differently. What may seem like a big deal to you, might seem trivial to others. Comparing what you would do against what others do is futile, to say the least.

You've said some pretty judgmental things about your 'friends' on this thread. My recommendation would be to seek out different friends. Friends that have similar ways of dealing with things as you do.

Either that, or accept who your friends are, and learn to compromise when it comes to certain things. "Pick your battles" so to speak.

September 28, 2015

Um... that's kinda how plans work? If Lexi wants to arrange something, it's down to her to decide the place and time and invite people along. It's not down to her to decide on a vague idea for something to do and then wait on everyone else to get back to her about it. Maybe she's a busy woman. I'm busy, if I want to do something with friends I'll arrange it for a certain date and time because that's the only time I can do it, and vice versa for them. I don't expect my best friends to wait for my confirmation to plan something together!

I disagree. I think you can be vague - if you value other peoples company and know that other people are busy (what a lousy excuse to be selfish and have everything on your own terms), you may throw out an idea suggest a few dates and wait for people to confirm, and get the best date to suit everyone! Unless it's a one time only thing that you need tickets for, then obviously plans are a bit more concrete.

Regarding the fair, sounds like they really wanted to go and weren't willing to wait around risking the tickets being sold out because your boyfriend didn't have his schedule yet.

It sounds like the OP found it difficult because Kelly first said she wouldn't invite boyfriend, then changed her mind. Bit of a slap in the face and going back on your word. Not one hint of an excuse or a reason.

And it's so 'unfair' to have to drive and park? Seriously?

I guess she felt it would be nice to be included. The OP probably feels invisible, a bit like a third wheel. She probably feels politely included, but not treated as equal.

No offence but you sound like a bit of a pain to plan things with, if I were Lexi and picked up on this I'd be thinking what is this girl's problem? You're acting all uptight and now you don't even want to go because you'll be 'chasing them around' so, don't go? You're not obligated to. I would think it rude if I invited a friend to something, she wouldn't confirm either way, then she got annoyed because I went ahead and booked it, and that upset her so much she decided not to go. Drama drama drama.

I would consider it rude if I planned to go somewhere I knew my friends wanted to go and didn't agree a mutually date and organise travel. I'd consider it rude basically saying "Im doing this. Take it or leave it.". You know why? Because I want my friends to be included?

September 28, 2015

You've said some pretty judgmental things about your 'friends' on this thread. My recommendation would be to seek out different friends. Friends that have similar ways of dealing with things as you do.

Either that, or accept who your friends are, and learn to compromise when it comes to certain things. "Pick your battles" so to speak.

My gut feeling, is that they don't seem to be very inclusive. They seem to be quite selfish almost. I can see the OP is a bit sensitive, and perhaps too critical where there shouldn't be any criticism, like the plane journey. But if your friends aren't really going to include you in on the plans properly, then stuff them. Either tell them you were upset about the carpooling and kelly going back on her word and how that makes you feel, and if they don't take it on board, then find other friends.

September 29, 2015

My boyfriend and I decided not to go to that fair, so we made alternate plans for the day. No big deal. Lexi and her boyfriend went with Kelly and her boyfriend.

A couple days after, Kelly and her boyfriend went with me and my boyfriend to a friends birthday party. In the car MY boyfriend mentioned going to this nighttime hayride and buying tickets soon. Kelly and her boyfriend said nothing. Again when we were at the birthday party, my boyfriend mentioned all of us getting tickets to the hayride soon. Kelly and her boyfriend didn't confirm or deny what they wanted. The next day my boyfriend bought tickets with some of his friends for a bunch of us to go. We have our tickets.

Today my boyfriend told me to remind Kelly that she should buy tickets for her boyfriend and she, before the hayride gets filled up at the same time as us.

Kelly then starts saying how why didn't we mention anything and she was waiting to see if Lexi could go, that's why she didn't confirm the other night. She seems irritated and was saying how we all should have bought tickets together. I tell my boyfriend, and he says how he would have been more than willing to buy tickets for them, but she wouldn't confirm whether she wants to go. I tell her this and remind her that my boyfriend mentioned it to her and her boyfriend twice the other night. She again says how she was waiting for Lexi and Lexi can't go the night we can go. And she keeps saying how we should have waited for her and her boyfriend because the more people you have the more of a discount they will give you. And now her and her boyfriend have to pay full price.

She is mad at the same exact thing they did to me over the fair. My boyfriend found it very rude that Kelly outwardly admits to me that she was waiting on Lexi to see if Lexi could go, when we are asking her to go and we have a set plan, that Lexi does not have.

September 29, 2015

Did you point out to Kelly that you were simply emulating her behavior? You all seem to have real communications issues or Kelly is co-dependent on Lexi & can't make a decision without her.

September 29, 2015

Kelly then starts saying how why didn't we mention anything and she was waiting to see if Lexi could go, that's why she didn't confirm the other night. She seems irritated and was saying how we all should have bought tickets together. I tell my boyfriend, and he says how he would have been more than willing to buy tickets for them, but she wouldn't confirm whether she wants to go. I tell her this and remind her that my boyfriend mentioned it to her and her boyfriend twice the other night. She again says how she was waiting for Lexi and Lexi can't go the night we can go. .

If you're telling the truth, Kelly didn't ask you to wait to see what Lexi was doing. Which could be understandable. She just didn't confirm one way or the other. And the difference here compared to what happened to you, you said "let me see what boyfriend wants to do" and Kelly agreed to wait and went back on her word.

Did you point out to Kelly that you were simply emulating her behavior? You all seem to have real communications issues or Kelly is co-dependent on Lexi & can't make a decision without her.

I don't think the OP is emulating. There are differences.

I don't think I'd like to be around these people.

September 30, 2015

I don't know what is up with Kelly. She and I are very close friends. When she and I make plans we communicate fine. When Lexi is in the picture, Kelly falls back and lets Lexi lead. I realize that Lexi's schedule is demanding and totally different than everyone else's, but that doesn't mean Kelly should just bow down to her or feel bad for her for it. And to openly say you were waiting for Lexi before saying yes to my boyfriend and I is rude. What now that Lexi isn't going we are good enough for you?

We made the plan. We told her the plan. We invited her and her boyfriend. She wouldn't answer. So my boyfriend didn't want to wait any longer and he bought our tickets. And he was nice enough to tell me to remind her to buy hers or they will sell out.

October 2, 2015

Is this the same girl who got mad at you for planning a party the same night she had to work? Even though she plans things without considering your schedule?

October 2, 2015

Then Kelly tells me how if my boyfriend can't get it off work then she won't invite the new guy she is dating. But if my boyfriend can, then she will. I found this sweet, thinking she would not invite her guy if I didn't have my guy so I wouldn't be alone. As we were all talking, she was texting. Minutes later she comes back with "Oh my guy can go, he's excited."

Well I agree that she shouldn't have promised something that she wouldn't do, but this is so very odd. Why does she have to wait for your bf's answer to invite her date??? How would it impact you at all whether her date goes or not?

now I was stuck

Stuck with... what exactly?

Then it all happened so fast where Lexi and Kelly, in front of me, decide they are all going to carpool together, to reduce cost.

I was mad. My boyfriend hadn't gotten his work schedule yet, and now we would have to drive alone, and pay to park alone. It wasn't fair.
Just the other day my boyfriend found out he could go. Today we went on to buy tickets to see that they had gone up in price a few dollars.

I feel you are nitpicking here. It's a few dollars. If that is such a big deal, you might want to save money by staying home. Also, how would it have SAVED you the money if your friends had waited to buy their tickets til you did? All that would have ended up with is everyone paying more...

October 7, 2015

I know how Lexi is about making plans. I know what to expect. Kelly on the other hand is my best friend and sometimes it annoys me when she goes along with Lexi, because Lexi's decisions are often not what I would consider Kelly's personality.

Kelly has been different ever since she got a boyfriend. She never dates. She idolizes over men out of her league. I don't think she has kissed anyone in years and years. I want her to be happy. About a month ago we went to a party at a bar, and we met some new friends. I wasn't interested in any of the guys there because I was busy dating two different men casually, and I didn't find any of the guys cute. At the time Kelly, was idolizing some guy friend she was obsessed with from her church. She knew that I would eventually end up in a relationship with one of the two guys I was dating.

She started talking to a guy at the bar. He was a geek. But Kelly is a bit of a geek herself. He seemed nice, but I didn't really pay much attention to it.

That night when we got home, I got a facebook message from that guy saying how he had fun with both of us (Kelly and I) and he was thinking of going hiking with a bunch of friends in the future if she and I wanted to go. I thought it seemed fun and told him to let me know when.

Kelly then messages me that he messaged her too and asked her out, and hiking. Now I figured he just asked her out hiking too and she was taking it as asking her out. I told her he asked me hiking too. She immediately got defensive and claimed he asked her out separately. I figured he must have asked her out then. She turned him down, because she was busy idolizing someone else.

About a week later, I was getting more serious with one of my guys. I was telling Kelly about it. Then she tells me how she has been talking to the guy from the bar, and she is going to go out with him. I was surprised since she originally said she turned him down. She told me she changed her mind. Lexi, Kelly, and I all met up for dinner one night. We were all talking. Kelly starts talking about how the guy from the bar wants to go hiking. I piped in that he invited me hiking too and we should all go together in a group.

Kelly seemed to get defensive again, saying how he probably asked me only to seem polite since he knows she and I are good friends. And she said almost how he really didn't want me there and that he really just wanted to go with her.

It was rude and it made the air awkward between Lexi, Kelly, and I. It embarrassed me, but I also felt insulted. He did ask me hiking. I was not interested in him. I wasn't after him. Its like she felt like I was making a play for him. She and this guy start going on dates. Talking a lot. It was good for her. She suddenly tells Lexi and I how she is miraculously over the guy she idolized and into the guy from the bar. It was like within a few days of her gushing about the guy she idolized.

I didn't know how you could change your mind so quickly. In time, I started only dating one guy myself. I knew he and I were headed for a relationship.

One night Kelly and bar guy, went out to a bar with me and my guy. All was good. Kelly's guy was an awkward man. Nice, but dry as a bone. So dry you didn't know if he was trying to tell you something serious or if you should laugh. It was weird.

In the middle of the bar that night, Kelly tells me how dry bar guy asked her to be his girlfriend. I was surprised. They had only gone on 4 or 5 dates. They had only kissed maybe 3 times. I asked her if it was too fast? She didn't think so. That night they started telling the world of their relationship.

I couldn't believe it. Then I felt stupid for getting into a relationship with my guy. Like we were copy cats.

And he asked Kelly in the middle of a bar? No romance there. My guy agreed that in the middle of a bar wasn't the best idea. Two days later my guy took me to a sunflower, corn maze, got us lost. And asked me to be his girlfriend in the middle of it. It was romantic and cute. He handed me a rose.

I felt bad telling Kelly and announcing it. My guy and I have slowly been telling people, but haven't made it public knowledge. Its not our style to have some big facebook announcement. I finally told Kelly two weeks after it happened.

The other night we went on a double date. Bar guy was super dry again. Half the time I felt like Kelly didn't know whether to laugh at his dry jokes, or listen intently to his serious story. I couldn't believe that Kelly liked him. He was a really nice guy, but dry dry dry. I think Kelly got nervous that Lexi had a boyfriend, I was on the verge of having one, and she would be left out, so she settled for the first guy who gave her attention.

Kelly is a chatter box. I asked her if she and her boyfriend had talked about serious matters like physical boundaries and future issues that could hinder the relationship.

Her answer "yes"

That's all. Kelly talks and talks and talks. I knew she was lying by her one word answer. My guy and I talk about our physical relationship, future plans, future job changes. All about us. I can tell Kelly is just in a whirlwind of dumb happiness because someone likes her. Its not real yet. I think she is rushing into something and she thinks everything is so great. Life comes with hardships. My guy and I already went through some and and made it out together. Kelly claims they talk about fun things they can do next summer. She considers that their serious talks? Crazy.

I think bar guy is rushing too. He already took Kelly, after being his girlfriend for one week, to his house for a giant family party. She met all of his family. Kelly gushes how they all love her, and they keep telling him "don't let that girl go" and "we've never seen him so happy"

No family, unless totally strange would say those things to a girl after a week of being in a relationship with their son. She claims her family just loves him too. I know Kelly's family. They are sarcastic and funny people. No way they love her dry dry dry boyfriend.

They have a 5 year age difference. He is older than her. She claims it doesn't matter much because she always wanted to be married and a mother by 25.

25. That's in two years. She just met this guy. Its crazy. Every time I talk about my boyfriend, she immediately changes the subject and has to talk about her and her boyfriend. All attention on them.

I'm in a relationship too. A more serious one than she is.

My boyfriend and I dated on and off since May. We just made it official two weeks ago. We know each other really well and continue to get to know each other now. We grow together. My guy wants to make a better life for himself, and to be with me.

Kelly is already planning her wedding practically. She tells me how she is taking him to a family reunion with her to meet everyone. I told her that it seemed fast. And how I've known my boyfriend since May and he hadn't met my family yet, because we were in no rush.

She's obsessed with the relationship, but not the guy. Not love, or romance. She loves being able to bring someone. Having someone give her attention and care about her.

I don't blame her in some ways. If both of my friends were going to be in relationships, I'd feel left out too. But I feel like she ran with the first guy who showed interest. She told me how she invited him up to her bedroom sometimes. Kelly, not intending to have sex with him probably until they are married. I told her it gives him the wrong idea and what if eventually he wants to have sex with her there. She just shrugs it off and claims "He knows me and I'm not like that"

I told her I know men, and they want that. She doesn't listen. I love her as a friend and that's why I'm worried for her.

October 7, 2015

I know how Lexi is about making plans. I know what to expect. Kelly on the other hand is my best friend and sometimes it annoys me when she goes along with Lexi, because Lexi's decisions are often not what I would consider Kelly's personality.

Kelly has been different ever since she got a boyfriend. She never dates. She idolizes over men out of her league. I don't think she has kissed anyone in years and years. I want her to be happy. About a month ago we went to a party at a bar, and we met some new friends. I wasn't interested in any of the guys there because I was busy dating two different men casually, and I didn't find any of the guys cute. At the time Kelly, was idolizing some guy friend she was obsessed with from her church. She knew that I would eventually end up in a relationship with one of the two guys I was dating.

She started talking to a guy at the bar. He was a geek. But Kelly is a bit of a geek herself. He seemed nice, but I didn't really pay much attention to it.

That night when we got home, I got a facebook message from that guy saying how he had fun with both of us (Kelly and I) and he was thinking of going hiking with a bunch of friends in the future if she and I wanted to go. I thought it seemed fun and told him to let me know when.

Kelly then messages me that he messaged her too and asked her out, and hiking. Now I figured he just asked her out hiking too and she was taking it as asking her out. I told her he asked me hiking too. She immediately got defensive and claimed he asked her out separately. I figured he must have asked her out then. She turned him down, because she was busy idolizing someone else.

About a week later, I was getting more serious with one of my guys. I was telling Kelly about it. Then she tells me how she has been talking to the guy from the bar, and she is going to go out with him. I was surprised since she originally said she turned him down. She told me she changed her mind. Lexi, Kelly, and I all met up for dinner one night. We were all talking. Kelly starts talking about how the guy from the bar wants to go hiking. I piped in that he invited me hiking too and we should all go together in a group.

Kelly seemed to get defensive again, saying how he probably asked me only to seem polite since he knows she and I are good friends. And she said almost how he really didn't want me there and that he really just wanted to go with her.

It was rude and it made the air awkward between Lexi, Kelly, and I. It embarrassed me, but I also felt insulted. He did ask me hiking. I was not interested in him. I wasn't after him. Its like she felt like I was making a play for him. Sometimes when we go out guys ask me out and they don't ask Kelly out. With a drink in me, I can be very good at just laughing and talking with men. I dress more hip than Kelly. I wear more makeup, and style my hair more. I like to look good. Kelly looks good too, but she has a less standout look. Friends will introduce us to new friends and sometimes the guys will ask me out after talking to me. I'm not the hottest girl in the room. Guys don't ask me out every time, just some times.

There has even been instances where guys will ask me out and I will say No, and then they ask Kelly out. I would be hurt if that was me too. I can't help what these guys do. Its not my issue.

Kelly and this guy start going on dates. Talking a lot. It was good for her. She suddenly tells Lexi and I how she is miraculously over the guy she idolized over and is into the guy from the bar. It was like within a few days of her gushing about the guy she idolized and now she doesn't care.