coldsoda Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 This isn't my story. There's really no point to this. I guess I just need a place to rant? I've been close friends with my girl friend for almost a decade now. She'd been my supervisor and I've been with her through the tough times. She was living out of a motel at one point and I was driving her back and forth to work. She eventually got an apartment with a co-worker where things didn't work out and my boyfriend who was displaced by the super storm of 2012 at the time came in to help her but she eventually got them both evicted because she wasn't paying her share of the rent due to suffering a family tragedy and her job laying her off. Everything seemed to hit at once. Fast forward some months and I get her a job as an assistant manager where I work because I don't know? She was a family friend, a mom, older than me, and I felt bad for her? This is where the story begins. After a few months of working there my friend meets an older man who is shopping for his daughter one day and they hit it off. They started dating within the week and he didn't make it a secret to her that he was married to this *horrible* and *useless* obese woman whom he has two kids with (one in high school, the other in college) but they'd been separated for years living in separate houses. He lived in an apartment while his wife has the house an hour away. This is when I started to see the change in my friend who had always wanted to get married despite not being able to commit to one serious relationship. After getting to know her closely I can say she has daddy issues and wants to be taken care of. TLDR; my former friend is basically a gold digging hoochie who is now in a relationship with a MM. It's been a year and two months since they've been dating and within that span she convinced him to get a house in an adult community so that she would have somewhere to live. She lives rent free and doesn't have to cook her own meals anymore. Her plans for getting married have changed since he kept moving the goal post to two more years for his 'children's sake.' Her true colors have shown and we don't talk much anymore because she's only wanted to hang out with me for lunch because he controls her diet. He's a control freak. No big deal though. They deserve each other since they're both kind of horrible people so I guess it's really no loss. The thing that annoys me besides her being an entitled POS and spending her MM's money like water is that she would always sh%t talk the wife because her MM does as well. I just find it classless and disgusting. This MM can do the same thing to her entitled b*&tch @$s and she wouldn't be the wiser. Her MM goes to stay with his wife and kids only on his religious holidays and she stupidly believes he's still faithful to her. I don't know. I'm aware that the OW/OM can be a victim in these situations but I don't see any in this particular case besides this @$$hole's poor wife and kids...who probably aren't as naive and stupid as this guy likes to think. I just see two disgusting people where one of them used to be my friend. Again. Sorry that there's no point to this. I just needed to get things off my chest. I guess I can say that this whole thing puts me off to marriage in general though. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria_Smellons Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 A good rant can be very cathartic. Hope it's helped and you are feeling better. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I.am confused why you are upset. If you rarely see her, she is taken care of and happy... I see that you miss her but if this is what she wants, let it be. Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I'm also confused. You state that you're "close friends" but your post comes off as some jealous, hateful rant. Doesn't sound very friendly to me. Why are you so wrapped up in her life? Why is this your business? Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Works out in what way? And what do the stats matter in this particular situation? If you are friends with her why not address your thoughts to her? Or ask her to not talk to you about the affair/the wife/the MM? That you want to discuss other things and would appreciate her understanding your boundaries. Or if you aren't really that close then stop talking to her. Whether or not they continue on in perpetuity or end in a giant trainwreck doesn't matter in your world. What do you want/need now for your relationship with her/your life and go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 It actually sounds like a mutually beneficial arrangement. He's supporting her and she's allowing him to dictate what she eats, who she talks to, what she wears, where she goes and when she gets to bathe. Apparently, it works for them Go figure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author coldsoda Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 (edited) I'm also confused. You state that you're "close friends" but your post comes off as some jealous, hateful rant. Doesn't sound very friendly to me. Why are you so wrapped up in her life? Why is this your business? Well first of all I'm not jealous . I've helped this woman and have been with her through tough times and when she had no place to live. Nowadays we never talk even though we still work in the same place. She only wants to hang out if she has nothing else to do in her day and wants to go eat something that her MM is not interested in eating. And by hanging out I mean short lunch and parting ways afterward. It's shi tty .. She constantly lies and tells different stories to different coworkers. She'll bitch about her MM but then turn around and try to paint a perfect picture of her and him to me or another coworker who doesn't fully believe she's living the best life she can by being a secret to his wife and kids who apparently already know and live with a broken family. If the guy hasn't lived with his wife for years then why keep my friend a secret or be sneaky? It's not exactly admirable. She keeps telling everyone she has a great man. Okay. I don't see it? He's never introduced her to his kids. He and my friend sneakily bought a house from behind his wife's back. How's that a good man? Because he takes care of her? My friend's attitude has also changed drastically over the past year she's been with this man. She's become obsessed with money and feels entitled to his credit card. Doesn't he have a family to take care of? It just seems kind of scuzzy to see her using his credit card when she tells other coworkers he buys groceries and clothes for his wife and children. I mean she's bragging that he's going to buy her a new car......... I mean I don't consider that classy? But I could be wrong. I just hate her attitude. We used to actually hang out like friends and talk about stuff. We used to pool our money together for a girls day out. She asked me a while ago 'remember what it was like being broke?' to which I replied that I still am. We stopped doing anything together a while ago because all she would say when it was time to pay is 'omg I'm not used to paying for myself' it was maybe funny the first few times but after a little while I realized there is nothing else there. Like is that all she really is now? Does she even like this guy? About a month ago I asked if she wanted to go shopping with me. I don't know if she was being snotty or what but saying 'nah. me and MM's name go out on those nights' doesn't exactly come off as un-bitchy . After that I was done. Edited September 19, 2015 by coldsoda Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 . I am sorry you feel slighted by your friend. The truth is that when women date a man he comes first. I certainly don't spend all of my time with my h (who was my MM for a short time) but he comes first now and always. I also remember basking in the glow of him taking care of me, so I get that. And I didn't feel bad at the time. I feel bad for his ex now but I don't regret our relationship and he is my best friend. I would rather spend time with him than anyone else including my best girl friend. Maybe this is just her life now and she is in a different place. The judgement thing about her MM or her relationship with him, none of anyone else's business but their own. If you don't like her lifestyle you can always put even more distance. Link to post Share on other sites
SeasideMermaid Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 Who cares? She's not your daughter, a family member, somebody you have to care for, or somebody you want to have as a friend. You don't like what she does or how she does it and you clearly feel sore that you're still broke and she isn't. Cut your ties and call it a day. Their relationship dynamic is their issue and not yours and seeing they've been together 3 years, it works for them. And you're saying that their relationship is an open secret and he's publicly separated so it's not really an affair, nor does that mean all of his money goes to his ex in the kids. With one in college and the other headed there here's guessing they get very little money anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
purdyPeas Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I just hate her attitude. We used to actually hang out like friends and talk about stuff. We used to pool our money together for a girls day out. She asked me a while ago 'remember what it was like being broke?' to which I replied that I still am. You answered your own judgmental rant. People change, grow and move on. ....maybe another part time job for you will replace your loneliness you feel at losing your friendship. It certainly would help keep your mind off of how broke you are. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 He's not divorced. If she can't even admit what that means, she's not very bright. But it's her life. Let her make her own mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
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