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Disapproving friends' behaviour. what to do?


Adunaphel

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Some friends of mine are either cheating on their boyfriends or dating guys that are not single.

 

I will be there for them if they'll get 'burned' and need support, but I'm *not* being supportive right now.

 

I'd rather *not* hear about their love stories with those people.

I don't want to tell them what they'd like to hear, not even that I understand them(not in their situations). I think they are just making fool of themselves and damaging other people.

 

Also, if they feel like telling me what an horrible person the gf of the guy they are seeing is, or how badly they miss something in the relationship they have with their boyfriends, I'll refuse to listen.

 

I would love to cut contact with them until they either stop seeing the guys they are dating now or get together with them.

(I know -even if they are not friends of mine- the people who are being cheated on and I feel bad for even knowing what is going on. )

But I suppose this would mean the end of the friendship.

 

How should a *real* friend act in such a situation? :(

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LucreziaBorgia

A real friend would say "I support you but I do not support what you are doing. I understand that you want to talk to me about this, but I am not able to discuss this with you. You may want to find someone else to talk to about stuff like this. If you need me for anything else though, I'll be here for you."

 

If you are not interested in being friends with people that don't share your ethics/moral code then you will need to end the friendships. Using your friendship as leverage against what someone else chooses to do with their life will not help you or your friends.

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A real friend would say "I support you but I do not support what you are doing. I understand that you want to talk to me about this, but I am not able to discuss this with you. You may want to find someone else to talk to about stuff like this. If you need me for anything else though, I'll be here for you."

 

Thank you. I will try to tell them this.

 

 

I am interested in remaining friends with them, they are people I really care for.

I don't think they are 'immoral' , only that they are doing something stupid right now.

If they are feeling bad or need support in the form of a shoulder to cry on or someone to cheer them up, I'll be there for them (who cares if they feel bad because they put themselves in an 'immoral'situation, it's my friends who are crying!!!)

but otherwise I'd feel bad being their confident and I'd tend to tell them that I don't approve what they are doing.

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LucreziaBorgia
Originally posted by Adunaphel

I'd feel bad being their confident and I have to tell them that I don't approve what they are doing.

 

Don't see it as a thing to feel badly for: you will have been honest with them about how you feel, and by doing so protected your right not to agree with or support their actions.

 

You can't change what they are doing, but you can agree to disagree and remove yourself from situations in which you are not comfortable.

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Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

Don't see it as a thing to feel badly for: you will have been honest with them about how you feel, and by doing so protected your right not to agree with or support their actions.

 

You can't change what they are doing, but you can agree to disagree and remove yourself from situations in which you are not comfortable.

 

I think this is excellent advice.

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  • 2 weeks later...

when my friends get "stupid" like that..I cant take it.. I walk away.

When they are done acting like an idiot..then I usually can be friends with them again. LOL (in some cases..)

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