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How to make new friends?


lilmiscassie92

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lilmiscassie92

I moved about 35 minutes away to a neighboring town about a year ago. I don't really know anyone on this side of town, and only kept in tough with a few friends from my old town. They have different schedules though. I've joined Meetup, but most of the events are on days that I have work. I don't really work with too many people, and most of them have kids. Plus, I don't really like to hang out with people from work; I've seen how mixing business with pleasure can create problems and like to keep my friends/social life separate. My boyfriend has a couple friend that lives nearby, but my boyfriend works 60 hours a week, and his friends and I never clicked. We don't really have much in common, plus they are HIS friends after all. I'm not sure what to do or how to go about meeting people. I'm not in school either; I'm in the process of applying for my masters next year. I'm just getting tired of spending my only day off a week inside the house. I get super bored like today and get a headache lol.

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the thing with meetup (and similar groups) is that they are free, so the incentive to show up is zero, because you haven't invested. find events and a class or something you can attend where people have to pay in advance to show up for a set duration. it works a lot better if people a) have paid and b) know they have to come for X weeks. when i was looking to meet people in a new city a few years back i joined a 6 week ballet class, a photography class (that went on local excursions), i joined the local gym, i joined a 10-week swim class, and i joined an 8-week dog training class. the same people had to show up every week, which helped make friends. i made about 2 lasting friendships through all of that stuff, but i also tried meetups and they weren't working - random people came on random days so it was hard to build relationships. pick something (a hobby) you like or want to try and pay for a class in it, to start.

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lilmiscassie92
the thing with meetup (and similar groups) is that they are free, so the incentive to show up is zero, because you haven't invested. find events and a class or something you can attend where people have to pay in advance to show up for a set duration. it works a lot better if people a) have paid and b) know they have to come for X weeks. when i was looking to meet people in a new city a few years back i joined a 6 week ballet class, a photography class (that went on local excursions), i joined the local gym, i joined a 10-week swim class, and i joined an 8-week dog training class. the same people had to show up every week, which helped make friends. i made about 2 lasting friendships through all of that stuff, but i also tried meetups and they weren't working - random people came on random days so it was hard to build relationships. pick something (a hobby) you like or want to try and pay for a class in it, to start.

 

That sounds like a great idea. However, I work two jobs, and my schedule changes every week including alternating between days and night shifts throughout the week. Thus, I can't really do anything with a weekly time commitment.

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Volunteer doing something you enjoy or are passionate about. Throw yourself a house warming party & invite the immediate neighbors as a way of introducing yourself.

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  • 3 weeks later...
the thing with meetup (and similar groups) is that they are free, so the incentive to show up is zero, because you haven't invested. find events and a class or something you can attend where people have to pay in advance to show up for a set duration. it works a lot better if people a) have paid and b) know they have to come for X weeks. when i was looking to meet people in a new city a few years back i joined a 6 week ballet class, a photography class (that went on local excursions), i joined the local gym, i joined a 10-week swim class, and i joined an 8-week dog training class. the same people had to show up every week, which helped make friends. i made about 2 lasting friendships through all of that stuff, but i also tried meetups and they weren't working - random people came on random days so it was hard to build relationships. pick something (a hobby) you like or want to try and pay for a class in it, to start.

 

I'm so glad you said this. I have been going to Meetups for over a year now and it's extremely frustrating to never see the same people twice, especially when you develop a bit of a connection at one Meetup, then never see that person again or only see them sporadically!

 

I have joined a choir and a bowling league that start next week and have weekly meetings. Wish me luck! :)

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Speak to one of your bosses at one of your jobs (or at both your jobs) and arrange to have a particular night off every single week, like every Tuesday or something. Most workplaces are able to be flexible. Then you can use that night off to attend a club/group every week.

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Hello, lilmiscassie92.

 

Moving to a new place can be very intimidating. I think everyone experiences this feeling. (at least, I hope, because otherwise, *I* may be the outcast. :)

 

I've never really felt at home when moving somewhere new... In fact, the first time I moved to a new place, I didn't talk to ANYONE for a long time! ... This didn't work well for me. :)

 

I read your post, and it seems like you list a BUNCH of reasons as to why you might not ever meet anyone in your new area. You might find that the people in the area who have their own interests, friends, and kids ALSO have friends and relatives that might have things in common with you.

 

You might also find that anything that YOU have as a strength could be valuable to those in your neighborhood. Maybe you are great at computers? Maybe you bake? Maybe you create resin figurines? Maybe you simply are good at making people laugh? :) ...

 

I know for me that the hardest part was putting myself out there. When I did, and I was simply myself, I was humbled and amazed by the fact that people gave a damn. I mean, I know I am a good person. I know I'm funny and people like me... I just didn't know how to really talk to those who I never knew!

 

Sometimes, just saying "hi" goes a long way. If you have the ganas to come here and post, I think you are probably good enough to put yourself out there and let people know you. :)

 

(PS - this post is as much a response to you as a message to myself. ;)

 

=Clarity-Z=

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The best way to make friends is to interact with people you see yourself befriending and whatnot. Go to a music store or go the mall and if you see someone that might have the same interest as you then just approach them and ask if they're into that. Then go from there, it's pretty simple and very easy. I'm sure you'll manage to make friends in no time!

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