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Getting Left Behind


TheUnthoughtKnown

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TheUnthoughtKnown

I live about five minutes away from two of my oldest friends from school. Two of us have lived here for a few years now, and the third just returned back to the country from working abroad for a number of years, and settled into the area as well. I was excited about this as I was looking forward to the three of us spending time together again like in the old days.

 

I sent them both a text message to organise some plans for the weekend just passed. One text me back saying he was busy, the other didn't text me at all.

 

I've just been on Facebook (God, I hate Facebook) and they've both put up pictures. Apparently they, along with their girlfriends, went away last weekend together to some cabin. The pictures include them river rafting, and going out for a meal. They seem very happy.

 

I was shocked and really hurt to see that. Why hadn't my friend mentioned this to me? He said he had plans and I assumed it may have been with work colleagues or someone I didn't know, but I've been friends with these two since we were thirteen. So, as I typically do, I've spent all day racking my brain trying to figure out what the hell I did wrong.

I've been going through some troubles the last few years, some things in my life fell apart, so I'm on anti-depressants and I'm trying to get my life back on track. Maybe I was bringing them down? They are both more financially stable than I am, could that be it? They didn't want to involve me as they didn't think I had the money? But they could have at least asked, couldn't they?

 

I don't know if I deserve to feel hurt, but I do. I was shocked to see those pictures, and I felt betrayed. But I don't know how to move forward. Do I speak to them about it? Wouldn't that only make things worse? I'm aware it could come across as petty and juvenile.

 

I have some good friends around me, and I don't think I'm unpleasant to be around, but when my life started spiralling it was my self-worth that took the biggest hit. I'm wondering if this is indicative of the fact things have gotten worse than I realised if my friends no longer want to spend time with me.

 

And on a side note, did they just not care if I saw it on Facebook? I mean come on, what did they really think was going to happen.

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truthtripper

Hey there, this is my story! Did you steal it from me??? I also had two good friends who ended up treating me this way. It was also around the time I was going through a difficult stage-I suffer from post traumatic stress from childhood abuse. We used to have so much fun together and it all changed. They began to go out together and left me sitting on my own every weekend. It hurt me to the depths of my core. Luckily Facebook wasn't in existence yet. Sadly, the situation didn't change. They continued to omit me from their outings, went out with their boyfriends together, went on overseas vacations together and I was completely left out of the scene. There were some occasions when they did invite me, but they began to bully me so after some years I made the decision not to see them anymore. What really hurt the most was that they got to know each other through me and then excluded me. Like you, I don't know what I did wrong. I did nothing to hurt either one of them.

All I can say is, if the people who were once your friends are suddenly not your friends when you are suffering in some way, they are not really true friends. They cannot cope with what you are going through. They have hurt you with their insensitivity. The last thing you need is this, it only adds to your grief. Look after yourself, be true to yourself. Surround yourself with people who care about you-I'm speaking from my own experience.

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TheUnthoughtKnown
All I can say is, if the people who were once your friends are suddenly not your friends when you are suffering in some way, they are not really true friends. They cannot cope with what you are going through. They have hurt you with their insensitivity. The last thing you need is this, it only adds to your grief. Look after yourself, be true to yourself. Surround yourself with people who care about you-I'm speaking from my own experience.

 

Hey Truth; sorry to hear you went through the same thing. I've had a couple of hours now to digest it and I feel just...disappointed, I guess. When the ***** hits the fan you like to hope your friends are there for you. Some of them have been, for me, but it stills hurts to be missing out on experiences with my friends. I've decided to distance myself from them; start afresh and find some new friends I may now have more in common with. When you said your friends had bullied you, it made me think back to some interactions I'd had with them when they ganged up on me. I realise now that my life and personality was heading in a different direction than theirs and that they both retained certain things in common that I lost - for instance they started talking constantly of mortgages and interest rates and the best things to invest in, whereas I didn't care about any of that and wanted instead to find meaning in a life that felt increasingly pointless.

I guess it's part of growing older; losing those friendships that seemed very strong when you were a child. I guess I have to accept I'm a different person now, and so are they.

 

Thanks again, Truth. Keep smiling!

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I wouldn't take this so personally.

 

Sometimes, couple's trips happen. The girlfriends obviously get along...they might have planned the whole thing for all you know.

 

Unless they're avoiding or mistreating you at other times, I'd let this one go completely.

 

My boyfriend and I do couple's trips with another couple, and we don't always invite our other friends. It's never personal.

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truthtripper
..... it made me think back to some interactions I'd had with them when they ganged up on me. I realise now that my life and personality was heading in a different direction than theirs and that they both retained certain things in common that I lost.......

I guess it's part of growing older; losing those friendships that seemed very strong when you were a child. I guess I have to accept I'm a different person now, and so are they.

 

I take Almonds's point, but where there is bullying, keep away-even if your "friends" aren't deliberately doing it/lack of self-awareness. If it keeps happening and it's causing pain, it's time to let go.

 

Keep on keeping it real Unthought. You're the winner here, not them.

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