Penguin_hugs Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Hi there I guess this is more of a "let it off my chest" rant than actually asking for advice- but here goes. Tomorrow I was supposed to be meeting up with a bunch of friends for a book club meeting (my friend started this club up herself). However, everyone bar my friend has cancelled on attending now so it was just going to be the 2 of us. That would have been fine with me as I haven't seen her since Feb and it would be great to catch up. I've just moved back to the area and have started working and I'm finding it really isolating in comparison with being at uni. She just messaged me to say that the others have cancelled but her BF is coming now, but he hasn't read the book... This seems a bit awkward to me as he's basically coming along because we are going to a really nice cafe! The other thing is they are such a clingy couple. For the first 2 years they dated I couldn't have a single conversation with her that didn't revolve around him. She got a bit better- but in the past when she has brought him along to group meals- she will only talk to him- even though she won't have seen anyone else there for a few months. I'm just a bit concerned that it's going to be like that again :/ and I am just going to be the third wheel with them at brunch. I don't really know what I should do. I don't really want to cancel as it will be the first time all week I'll have had a non work related conversation! Link to post Share on other sites
StalwartMind Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 I would share that concern as well, even more so because her boyfriend won't have anything to contribute with. Not saying he can't be there of course, but it just seems a bit counter-intuitive as you likely won't be discussing the book as much. On the other hand, even if it is not the most likely scenario in this situation, you might have a really enjoyable time plus it'll be non work related conversation. I don't feel it would be rude to kindly cancel/postpone the book club, especially since everyone else did as well, seems sensible to me. That said it is up to how you feel about it. You already seem well aware of how it could unfold, the question is how you feel about being a potential third wheel. Irrelevant to your situation, I'd feel bad for letting my friend feel like being a third wheel, but as such humans are very different. No matter what type of situation, I don't like anyone feeling as if they are not included in the event. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Forget the book club part of it & meet your friend & her BF. You might meet somebody else at the café. The BF may have a buddy or co-worker that is perfect for you. Go & enjoy. You don't have to stay all day. A few hours will be fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Penguin_hugs Posted August 15, 2015 Author Share Posted August 15, 2015 Thanks for your replies - I think I'll go just for a catch up. Mainly because I'm tired of not talking to people IRL! I have a boyfriend myself- he lives about 2hrs away and we had already decided not to meet up this weekend as we both had work and plans to catch up with friends. I'm a bit better at coping without him than my friend is with her BF- they really are attached at the hip! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Penguin_hugs Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Just as an update- I did go along today. It was a bit weird with my friend's BF there as he doesn't always have much to contribute to the conversation and my friend is a lot quieter and reserved when he is about- so it didn't feel like a proper catch up. They also have a lot of in jokes and end up talking together sometimes which can be a bit awkward! But at least I left the house and had some non work conversations in person with people- rather than just texting and IMing my friends and BF. My BF should be around for skyping later which has cheered me up too 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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