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Person who doesn't seem to like me too much invited me out


HansonGirl

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I know this guy who doesn't seem to like me too much, like as a friend. I felt like we had some stuff in common and that we could be friends. I know he has female friends. but i really think he hates me. every time we talk he cannot wait to end the conversation and he's just really standoffish. He doesn't tell me personal things. our conversations are just awkward and go nowhere. Anyways you get the idea. well to my surprise one day he comes by all casual and asks if i want to join him to this event this weekend. I told him i'm not sure yet.

but honestly i am really confused. why is he inviting me to this thing? And i found out he hasn't asked a couple other people we know. I am not sure if i should go....

 

Oh and everyone keeps saying he's this nice guy. I mean yes he is "nice" as in he goes through all the motions of being polite and stuff, but i mean that's about it. he doesn't seem particularly nice beyond that. I can see through that kind of thing.

Edited by HansonGirl
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The way that he talks to you, is he like that with other people too? Could it just be his personality? Or maybe he has a crush on you and he's trying to hide it, so he's coming across as not liking you.

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truthtripper
.....but i really think he hates me. every time we talk he cannot wait to end the conversation and he's just really standoffish. He doesn't tell me personal things. our conversations are just awkward and go nowhere.

 

I used to know someone like this. She was a bully. She wanted to hang out with me because she enjoyed belittling me and pretty much trying to put herself up, so to speak. Beware of him. He may have singled you out as a potential victim.

 

Bullies and narcissists generally don't like to share information about themselves either.

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It seems that there isn't much about him to like...

 

Not much in the way of social graces...

 

Is that the kind of person you want to spend time with?

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It seems that there isn't much about him to like...

 

Not much in the way of social graces...

 

Is that the kind of person you want to spend time with?

 

Outside of the things i mentioned here, the weird thing is he has social graces. he's very "polite" and proper and asks if you need help and such. (he offered to pick up something from the grocery store for his female friend who was under the weather)

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truthtripper
...the weird thing is he has social graces. he's very "polite" and proper

 

If he's coming across to you like he "hates" you, then he's not being "polite" or "proper".

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If he's coming across to you like he "hates" you, then he's not being "polite" or "proper".

 

True. I guess I mean he does all the standard "polite" things that society tells us is polite but meanwhile i sometimes think he is hiding his distain. It's possible for someone to go through the motions of proper etiquette and avoid being rude yet still dislike the person.

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truthtripper
True. I guess I mean he does all the standard "polite" things that society tells us is polite but meanwhile i sometimes think he is hiding his distain. It's possible for someone to go through the motions of proper etiquette and avoid being rude yet still dislike the person.[/U]

 

Well, if you truly feel he dislikes you, why are you so interested in him?? Forget him . It is only normal to want to hang out with people whose company you enjoy, not with those who make you feel uncomfortable.

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Well, if you truly feel he dislikes you, why are you so interested in him?? Forget him . It is only normal to want to hang out with people whose company you enjoy, not with those who make you feel uncomfortable.

 

I don't think I ever said he makes me uncomfortable or that I didn't enjoy his company. unless you are saying that HE is like that. I mean let's just put it this way, he's overly formal and never laughs at any thing i say.

 

all i was asking is why is he inviting me if this is the case, i guess i found it curious is all! what's wrong with wondering about someone's actions?

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truthtripper

How can you enjoy the company of someone who you feel "hates" you and is "standoffish"? Well, each person to themselves....and if you're curious, rather than merely speculating about the reasons for his invitation, why not simply accept the invite? Perhaps then you will find out.

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How can you enjoy the company of someone who you feel "hates" you and is "standoffish"? Well, each person to themselves....and if you're curious, rather than merely speculating about the reasons for his invitation, why not simply accept the invite? Perhaps then you will find out.

 

I agree. All the speculation is a pointless waste of time. OP, if you want to accept his invitation you should have said Yes. Frankly if I were him I'd say forget it. Move on.

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I did say yes and I attended (since I started this thread). I haven't mentioned it because i didnt think that it changed my question. The event was fine. but it was just as lacking in a connection between us as normal. I just didn't get it. I mean we got ALONG just fine, meaning like we didn't argue or insult one another, but that's ALL it was. I realize I shouldn't dwell on it, but I just found it interesting is all! :-) I didn't ask him why did you invite me, but i instead thanked him for inviting me.

 

PS and I guess I was just wondering why especially because i don't think i was invited because he is interested in me. He definitely was hitting on a couple girls in front of the both of his guests. Did he just want to look like some kind of stud showing up with two dates?

Edited by HansonGirl
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He most likely did want to do that. Most guys are like that, depending how their personality is.

 

If anything, just keep it at a friendship level.

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We don’t know what’s going on in this guy’s head. But you’re spending a lot of time trying to figure him out. Maybe you like him more than you’re admitting.

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We don’t know what’s going on in this guy’s head. But you’re spending a lot of time trying to figure him out. Maybe you like him more than you’re admitting.

 

Firstly I never said anything about whether i like him - i simply said HE doesn't seem to like ME. And also, I don't know if writing one post and then returning to respond to the replies constitutes a "lot of time."

 

However, yes, I would agree, I do find him pretty good looking, perhaps another reason I am stunned by why he invited me. but yeah, because it's like, even after this event, we're right back to going back to our really stilted conversations where he seems like neither of us know what to talk about.

Edited by HansonGirl
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Getting defensive...hmmmmm.

 

huh? you said maybe you like him more than i admit, and i was saying, you're probably right. i was agreeing with you, but clarifying that it doesn't take a lot of time to post a comment here. (i get a notification that somebody responded.)

 

This whole post is about HIM not being interested in ME....

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I know this guy who doesn't seem to like me too much, like as a friend. I felt like we had some stuff in common and that we could be friends. I know he has female friends. but i really think he hates me. every time we talk he cannot wait to end the conversation and he's just really standoffish. He doesn't tell me personal things. our conversations are just awkward and go nowhere. Anyways you get the idea. well to my surprise one day he comes by all casual and asks if i want to join him to this event this weekend. I told him i'm not sure yet.

but honestly i am really confused. why is he inviting me to this thing? And i found out he hasn't asked a couple other people we know. I am not sure if i should go....

 

Oh and everyone keeps saying he's this nice guy. I mean yes he is "nice" as in he goes through all the motions of being polite and stuff, but i mean that's about it. he doesn't seem particularly nice beyond that. I can see through that kind of thing.

 

Your post reminds me of the way a guy I know used to treat me. I spoke about him a few times in other threads. I'm not saying this is what is on his mind (or your mind) but you never know...........

 

We were in a small room at work with a very close knit crew. There he was very friendly, funny and outgoing with everyone in the room but me. I knew inside that I never did anything to make him hate me but his avoidance and total awkwardness around me would oftentimes play with my own insecurities. That and he was also very well liked.......

 

I didn't get it because everyone at work liked me too and would greet me but not him. If I said something funny everyone would laugh but him. If it was my turn to buy lunch for the team everyone would partake but he'd sit it out. I figured I was funny looking or boring etc. His posture would scream disinterest. I said disinterest not indifference. Let me explain.

 

Anyone (a complete stranger) could walk into the room and he'd turn around and vocally greet them. If I walked in the room he'd look up then immediately turn his back to me. He'd do the same thing if anyone walked past his desk often hi-fiving them. If I walked past his desk I'd get a quick glance then a quick turn around even though I'd catch him looking at me from the corner of his eyes.

 

If I walked down the hall and we were the only two in there I'd look at him and say hi and he'd look down or to his side without returning my greeting. (This to me was the most hurtful)

 

If I ran into him in the bathroom I'd get the "deers in headlights," look. This was probably him at his most awkward because it was not like him to be unfriendly or un-cheery. This act was only directed at me and it was exceedingly getting more obvious by the day.

 

I would hear him talking about me a lot when he thought I wasn't around. The fact that he was talking about me (at all) around others should of been the first clue but I was naive. He never said anything mean but he would make comments that "I didn't like him," and that "I was too cool or too good for him."

 

My other co-workers would often tell me in private that this other guy can't understand why I don't like him? I would challenge them on his reasoning but they say he was always brining the subject up.

 

It really got me thinking. I thought he didn't like me and he thought I didn't like him. Neither of us would ever talk to one another so we were both experiencing emotions and perceptions that were misguided.

 

Then one night out of the blue I got a networking request to add him to LinkedIn then a day later a friend request from Facebook. That was his way of breaking the ice and now the ball was in my court. :)

 

Long story short: He had a major crush on me and I was too clueless to realize it. When I finally figured it out (months later) I started having feelings for him too. All those months of awkward run in's and the emotional rollercoaster that ensued were just part of the shy guy's mating ritual apparently lol. :D

 

I won't bore you with too many more details but I'm happy to say that over a year later we are still together and happy as ever.

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Your post reminds me of the way a guy I know used to treat me. I spoke about him a few times in other threads. I'm not saying this is what is on his mind (or your mind) but you never know...........

 

We were in a small room at work with a very close knit crew. There he was very friendly, funny and outgoing with everyone in the room but me. I knew inside that I never did anything to make him hate me but his avoidance and total awkwardness around me would oftentimes play with my own insecurities. That and he was also very well liked.......

 

I didn't get it because everyone at work liked me too and would greet me but not him. If I said something funny everyone would laugh but him. If it was my turn to buy lunch for the team everyone would partake but he'd sit it out. I figured I was funny looking or boring etc. His posture would scream disinterest. I said disinterest not indifference. Let me explain.

 

Anyone (a complete stranger) could walk into the room and he'd turn around and vocally greet them. If I walked in the room he'd look up then immediately turn his back to me. He'd do the same thing if anyone walked past his desk often hi-fiving them. If I walked past his desk I'd get a quick glance then a quick turn around even though I'd catch him looking at me from the corner of his eyes.

 

If I walked down the hall and we were the only two in there I'd look at him and say hi and he'd look down or to his side without returning my greeting. (This to me was the most hurtful)

 

If I ran into him in the bathroom I'd get the "deers in headlights," look. This was probably him at his most awkward because it was not like him to be unfriendly or un-cheery. This act was only directed at me and it was exceedingly getting more obvious by the day.

 

I would hear him talking about me a lot when he thought I wasn't around. The fact that he was talking about me (at all) around others should of been the first clue but I was naive. He never said anything mean but he would make comments that "I didn't like him," and that "I was too cool or too good for him."

 

My other co-workers would often tell me in private that this other guy can't understand why I don't like him? I would challenge them on his reasoning but they say he was always brining the subject up.

 

It really got me thinking. I thought he didn't like me and he thought I didn't like him. Neither of us would ever talk to one another so we were both experiencing emotions and perceptions that were misguided.

 

Then one night out of the blue I got a networking request to add him to LinkedIn then a day later a friend request from Facebook. That was his way of breaking the ice and now the ball was in my court. :)

 

Long story short: He had a major crush on me and I was too clueless to realize it. When I finally figured it out (months later) I started having feelings for him too. All those months of awkward run in's and the emotional rollercoaster that ensued were just part of the shy guy's mating ritual apparently lol. :D

 

I won't bore you with too many more details but I'm happy to say that over a year later we are still together and happy as ever.

 

I am very happy for you, and I wish that were the case here, but I don't get the impression he's interested in me. i actually saw him since my last post- i went out with a mutual friend and she did not tell me she invited him (no she doesn't know any of this stuff I am writing about). i ask him a simple question and he gets defensive. it just felt so painfully awkward. i am really annoyed because i thought it was going to be a girl's night out.

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Maybe you are misinterpreting how he feels towards you. Maybe he is just an awkward person. I asked before if he acts this way with other people. Does he?

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truthtripper
Maybe you are misinterpreting how he feels towards you. Maybe he is just an awkward person. I asked before if he acts this way with other people. Does he?

 

Whether he acts this way with other people or not is irrelevant. The fact is as HansonGirl states is that he seems to not be "interested" in her. She obviously wants him to show her otherwise, hence her OP. If he's shy/has issues expressing himself, BAD LUCK, that's his problem. No one can solve it for him. Two people have to connect and enjoy each other's company to be friends, period.

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OP so if you don't think he's interested and he's defensive, why are you thinking about him so much? Time to move on.

 

Yes maybe you are right.

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