DC77 Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Open for discussion: Have apologies become a useless etiquette of the past? Or maybe I'm surrounded by *******s? Backstory, a week ago I went on a long camping trip with a group of 14 people. These are people I haven't seen in a year, some of them longer, since I moved away. I remember so many fun times with these people and I was really looking forward to the trip. Some "friends" on the trip are known to have certain personalities. A control freak. A drunk. An *******. And others. But I was positive and excited this would be a good trip. The first day or so was good, but by evening personalities began to show. The drunk got belligerent and mean and proceeded to berate me. The next morning, the control freak went off, shunning me passive aggressively but quite obviously because who knows why. She eventually went into an all out meltdown around the campfire by evening because of the *******. Then the ******* went over the line thinking it was all fun and games dunking me in water until I got hypothermia. Midway into the trip I was miserable. I withdrew. I slept a lot and stopped participating and helping out. I let the actions of a few though ruin the time with the others in the group...and then I was labeled the "Princess." I felt terrible about this. I felt terrible that I took things too personally and behaved the way I did. For the group, everything that happened was a "normal" trip. For me, I just don't understand these types of dynamics amongst "friends" but I reached out to people individually and apologized. I didn't place blame anywhere, he did or she said, I simply acknowledged I wasn't at my best and regret missing the positives of the trip... I have only received one response back. This got me thinking this morning. Does anyone give a ***** about apologies anymore? Are apologies useless. I felt I did something wrong that left a negative impression so I apologized for it. But you know what, the drunk never apologized for her behavior. The control freak has never ever apologized for her rants or disrespect or meltdowns. And the ******* sure as hell has never apologized. And everyone just seems to accept it! I really just don't understand this dynamic. And now I feel like the a$$ for apologizing at all. This isn't the first time either. I had another friend that I accidentally double booked. I even called her back within a couple of hours to let her know and apologized. We are no longer friends. Another gal started acting strangely towards me and I apologized and asked if I had done something to offend her. We haven't spoken since. I know other people that wouldn't apologize for anything, and they get along just fine. It would seem I need to stop apologizing! It really seems like the etiquette of an apology has become useless. Perhaps I'm missing something that someone else can point out. Or are we just living in the age of *********s??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DC77 Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 The word that's censored out for everyone's delicate sensibilities rhymes with schmasswholez... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Apologies are still a good thing, but the simply don't undo what was done, which might turn people against you despite an apology. Now, not saying you were the whole problem here, obviously. But If people just don't get along, an apology isn't going to fix that. Sounds like you're incompatible with at least some of that crowd. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Tell me, DC77, did any of the schmasswholez apologise to YOU....? It's my opinion that you have 'flaky friends' and there comes a time when we need to move on, ditch 'em and find others more compatible to our....'way of seeing things'.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author DC77 Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 Thank you both for your input. I do agree I've made the situation worse. And I do agree that perhaps these type of people are not the friends for me. Or at the very least, not the friends I thought they were. The whole thing has me very curious though so I've been researching. I found this excerpt very interesting "“Over-apologizingcan stem from being too hard on ourselves or beating ourselves up for things,rather than recognizing everyone makes mistakes and no one expects you to beperfect.” When people harbor feelings of shame and guilt, they may apologize toelicit reassurance from others, she adds—even if the person they’re sayingsorry to hasn’t been harmed in the least by their behavior. The consequence? Werisk reinforcing an erroneous belief that we’re inherently worthy of blame." I didn't cause any real harm. I was really more worried that these people thought poorly of me. But I was also raised to apologize. It's engrained. And I'm also very hard on myself. And apparently worry too much what people think... I have some work to do. PS Love your quote TaraM. Very true. Link to post Share on other sites
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