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Friendship triangle - Really struggling


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I need some insight from an outsiders prospective. I'm a guy, the two friends are girls.

 

Back in March I befriended a girl, I'll call her Amy. I introduced her to my other friend in May, I'll call her Erica. Erica thought Amy was the coolest girl ever. They started to become friends. Things were going great until the first week in June. I was hanging out with Erica and she told me that Amy told her that I weird her out. We went back and forth over what she told me for a solid 10 minutes. I confronted Amy via text a few days later and she said that she never said that. Amy also told me that Erica told her she never said that to me. Now Amy thinks I'm lying when in reality I never have a reason to lie.

 

They both barely talk to me now and they are now best of friends, hanging out all the time. I went to happy hour yesterday by myself and ran into the two of them. I sat with them but they acted like I wasn't even there and nothing ever happened a month prior. That hurts. Erica was an okay friend but she's two-faced in my eyes now and I really thought Amy was going to be a great friend. The fact that Amy stayed friends with Erica and ditched me makes me feel like I'm worthless. I don't have many friends but I tried.

 

Side note: Amy's family is friends with the family of the guy my ex cheated on me with (but she thinks he's weird) and she was always there when I was having a rough day to do a little bashing.

 

What should I do? Get rid of them? Delete them from all social networks? I'm bumming really hard and this is the last thing I need to be dealing with in my life right now. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

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Fleur de cactus

I am a woman, I am telling you when a girl comes to tell you what other girl said about you. You have to think twice what interest she has in telling you this. Why does she bother? Even what she was telling was the truth, what interest she volunteered to communicate things about other woman? Now you see that she played you. She played you too against each other.

 

What you have to avoid in the future, in similar situation, you have to wait until you see the person to ask explanation. Texting is not a good way to communicate especially in this situation of " why did you say this" or " she said that you said". That was not a good approach. Good luck.

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Fleur de cactus

My advice is to call Amy, Tell her that you would like to talk to her and let her know what happened and how you feel. Don,t text her again. Just see her face to face. Good luck.

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...she was always there when I was having a rough day to do a little bashing.

 

What should I do? Get rid of them? Delete them from all social networks? I'm bumming really hard and this is the last thing I need to be dealing with in my life right now. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

 

Take it as a learning existence and just move on with your life.

 

Since Amy was never supportive of you, the latest stunt should have come as no huge surprise. Honestly, I'm not sure why you're so upset that she and her partner in crime have removed themselves from your life by ignoring you. I would be beyond ecstatic! With friends like those, who needs enemies?

 

First, learn to pick better friends. At the very least, learn to recognize when someone isn't really a friend. The signs were there!

 

Second, way too much drama...even for high school or junior high. Find more stable, reliable people to befriend.

 

Third, you've been friends since what...March? This happened at the beginning of June. So, a little over two months after meeting her??? Maybe in elementary or junior high school being friends for two months is significant. But once you're beyond that, I mean...really? Why are you all so shook up over this? Just get new friends at summer camp or whatever.

 

Finally, it takes people a few months to reveal themselves. This one proved to be a poisonous fish from the outset. Be glad that information got foisted on you so quickly that it destroyed any possibility of continuing. I mean, in two months, chica routinely bashed you when you were down, successfully painted you as a conniving liar, and then started ignoring you. That's efficiency! Gotta hand it to her! What exactly is your definition of friendship?:confused: What exactly are you upset at? That you'll no longer be the focus of her mistreatment? Unless you're a masochist or an agreeable doormat, leave already.

 

Best of luck with the next couple of folks you befriend. It can only go up from here! At least one hopes so.

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As a woman and knowing how women talk, I can tell you women always gossip and they go way out on a limb about it and will tell someone literally anything. But they never ever intend for the person they're talking to to repeat it. And if Erica was a true friend to either you or Amy, she would not have (assuming Amy even said anything close to that) repeated what Amy said since that's a big betrayal or if she cared about your feelings that should have stopped her as well.

 

So here's how I look at it. Everything was fine with you and Amy for some time until Erica got in the mix. Now Erica turned you two against each other and she HAD to know this would happen. Amy is being stupid by being loyal to Erica after that, but she's not the culprit here. Erica is a troublemaker who likes to stir up the pot and you should have a private talk to Amy and forget about whether she said you weird her out (that doesn't have to mean anything serious and she may never have said it and is almost certainly twisting something Amy said into something worse) and just tell her you think Erica stirred up trouble and you now regret any involvement with her.

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Thanks for the replies! I've known Erica for over a year so that's why this caught me off guard. Now she's too "above me" to invite me to do things. I work with Erica too, which makes this all the more awkward.

 

Blah. Should I just unfriend them from everything?

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As a woman and knowing how women talk, I can tell you women always gossip and they go way out on a limb about it and will tell someone literally anything. But they never ever intend for the person they're talking to to repeat it. And if Erica was a true friend to either you or Amy, she would not have (assuming Amy even said anything close to that) repeated what Amy said since that's a big betrayal or if she cared about your feelings that should have stopped her as well.

 

So here's how I look at it. Everything was fine with you and Amy for some time until Erica got in the mix. Now Erica turned you two against each other and she HAD to know this would happen. Amy is being stupid by being loyal to Erica after that, but she's not the culprit here. Erica is a troublemaker who likes to stir up the pot and you should have a private talk to Amy and forget about whether she said you weird her out (that doesn't have to mean anything serious and she may never have said it and is almost certainly twisting something Amy said into something worse) and just tell her you think Erica stirred up trouble and you now regret any involvement with her.

I think Amy is too loyal to Erica at this point and that would probably just blow up in my face. Which is too bad.

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Yes. I agree. Don't try to convince either of them of anything. It will only exacerbate the situation. If Amy (or was it Erica?...I may have them mixed up) would believe someone maligning your character on no evidence, is that really a friend anyway? Just walk away from it all.

 

At work be friendly, pleasant, and distant. I wouldn't waste time deleting them from social media. They aren't worth the effort. If their posts bother you, you can "unfollow" them on Facebook without actually unfriending them. There's probably something similar on other social media.

Edited by angel.eyes
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I deleted Erica's deactivated account from FB and unfollowed Amy. Now all I have to worry about deleting them from are Instagram and Snapchat...those will be tough to go unnoticed /:

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That's true. Amy Snapchats me every day and it's probably the same one she sends to everyone on her friend list, but I know she'll contact me most likely in a few days if I don't respond to her generic picture she sends to everyone. Blah

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I don't see how they can be mad at you. You're the only one who didn't do anything wrong. It's too bad Amy is so into Erica. One day that Erica will go too far and then Amy will be sorry she pushed you over for her. If she has time to think about it, it might be sooner than later.

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That's true. Amy Snapchats me every day and it's probably the same one she sends to everyone on her friend list, but I know she'll contact me most likely in a few days if I don't respond to her generic picture she sends to everyone. Blah

 

Don't comment on her stupid pictures. Let her deal with the dilemma of pointedly ignoring you while still trying to get you comment.:laugh:

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I don't see how they can be mad at you. You're the only one who didn't do anything wrong. It's too bad Amy is so into Erica. One day that Erica will go too far and then Amy will be sorry she pushed you over for her. If she has time to think about it, it might be sooner than later.

 

Agreed. The funny thing is, another coworker who used to be really close to Erica text me a few days ago and said she just stopped talking to her and another coworker out of the blue for no reason. When I was sitting at happy hour listening to her talk yesterday, all she does is complain, gossip and talk about drama while acting like she's the greatest gift on Earth. I don't see how I put up with that for so long. I guess it was only a matter of time before this happened. Just bummed that I lose a friend out of it.

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Don't comment on her stupid pictures. Let her deal with the dilemma of pointedly ignoring you while still trying to get you comment.:laugh:

I like this, let her start to wonder.

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So my father is evicting me and I had to go to court today and I just got a text from Amy asking how it went. Why act like you care???? So confused.

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Thinking about responding with this...

 

"Look Amy, I like you. I think you're an amazing girl. You're beautiful, intelligent, funny, etc...but the fact that Erica lied to us both to drive a wedge between us and all of a sudden you two are "besties" and I'm basically blacklisted just shows that my friendship isn't very important to you. Maybe it never was, who knows. Having to hear about major things going on in your life by Erica because you won't even tell me...it sucks because even though we've known each other for a short time, I really do care. Anyways, I can take a hint so I'll leave you alone."

 

Thoughts?

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Well, I talked to Amy last Tuesday. After going back and forth for few hours she couldn't answer my simple question, if she said I weird her out or not. I had already made a point that she would rather drop a friend for a liar (knowing that Erica lied to both of us). So instead of answering my simple question she said, let me ask you this, if I'm still friends with Erica, you're going to cut me out of your life? I said, absolutely. She said, I'm sorry I cared about you... I replied, I'm sorry I wasn't important enough to you to be disrespected like that. So, we're done and Erica is cut so far out of my life. I really hoped Amy would have been more understanding, but she still doesn't get it.

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Yes, she doesn't get that Erica is a troublemaker. But Amy will the one who ends up suffering for it. Maybe once she figures it all out, she'll come back to you with a new attitude.

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Start fresh. There's nothing to salvage there, so try to stop wasting brain space on both of them. I realize it hurts and it's upsetting, but dwelling on it, keeps you miserable and prevents you from moving forward with your life. I'm guessing you're still in high school or college. Ten years from now, you'll look back on this and realize how petty and irrelevant it all was in the grand scheme of things.

 

Can you work on developing new friendships? How are things with your dad and mom? Where are you living now?

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Maybe. Either way, it still sucks for me having to lose a good friend. I guess if I didn't have any respect for myself I'd still be talking to them haha.

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Start fresh. There's nothing to salvage there, so try to stop wasting brain space on both of them. I realize it hurts and it's upsetting, but dwelling on it, keeps you miserable and prevents you from moving forward with your life. I'm guessing you're still in high school or college. Ten years from now, you'll look back on this and realize how petty and irrelevant it all was in the grand scheme of things.

 

Can you work on developing new friendships? How are things with your dad and mom? Where are you living now?

I'm 33, Erica is 32 and Amy is 24. I've been through so many bad friends in the past 10 years that I'm bound to find some good ones soon! Erica is out of my mind, even though we work in the same room every day, she doesn't phase me with her attitude. Amy, I guess I'm just shocked still, so I haven't deleted her off of FB/IG/Snapchat yet...when all the hope is gone I will.

 

My dad just got remarried 2 weeks ago to his 3rd wife and is evicting me from an apartment he rents (I moved back to pay off some debt and save money...but that's not going to happen now). In fact he shoved me off the sidewalk and pointed his finger in my face saying he's going to make my life miserable. He doesn't want any of his original family in his life and has already told me I'm worthless a couple weeks ago when I had to call the police on him for changing the locks on me. Maybe that's why I took the whole Amy and Erica thing a little too personal. I'm tired of being treated like I'm nothing, because once you've been treated like nothing long enough, eventually you begin to feel like you're nothing. My mom lives 15 hours away and has no room since my little sister lives with her. My twin sis doesn't talk to me anymore either, I'm sure my dad is feeding her lies. Ugh, life is a struggle. I wish I had a great and supportive family.

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Okay this is getting a bit too much for me. A good friend (I'll call her Melissa) of mine text me tonight. She is friends with Amy and knows Erica, but doesn't like her. She said Amy text her yesterday...

 

Melissa said Amy was defending Erica. Not sure why Amy even brought any of this up to Melissa. Anyways, she said Amy isn't okay with me dropping her as a friend and wishes she could still talk to me since what happened is between Erica and I.

 

That doesn't make any sense to me since she's apart of it just as much as I am.

 

Anyways, Amy told Melissa that she wants all 4 of us to sit down and talk because Erica is hurt that Melissa didn't invite her to her boyfriend's birthday party on Friday night. Melissa told Amy that Erica is full of herself and has a tough time admitting when she's wrong so a sit down will not accomplish anything. (GO MELISSA!)

 

It's funny how Amy is going around trying to fix all of Erica's disasters she has created for herself. Too bad Amy doesn't see herself being used.

 

I still haven't deleted Amy from social media. I can't bring myself to do it just yet. I guess I have hopes she'll realize how horrible Erica is and that she made a mistake. Wishful thinking I'm sure.

 

So what do I call this now? A friendship box? :lmao:

Edited by Thorgs
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