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Friend doesn't look after herself


MagicRat09

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I'm someone who has struggled with codependency issues and childhood issues of loneliness and abandonment. I have a parent that basically committed slow suicide through smoking and alcoholism. And I have a compulsion to control things and take care of people.

 

I have a friend that means the world to me, who is not in the best of times the picture of health. She's prone to illness, works a punishing job, then basically drinks all night and hardly sleeps. I would say most of her friends are enablers. When I broach the issue of self-care she brushes it off and is all, "well, this is how I am."

 

So basically I'm scared for her. I know the answer is compassionate detachment but I'm having trouble getting there.

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How old is your friend? Lots of young adults work hard and play hard and it doesn't cause long term affects. When I was in my 20's I went without sleep all the time so I could party after work. As I aged I naturally matured and slowed down. Perhaps you are worrying for nothing.

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I agree with the above. If she's young, in her 20s or early 30s and no kids, it's not that unusual to be working and playing hard. Yes, you are used to being the caretaker. Be careful about that or you'll end up attracting someone who is also an addict that needs taken care of. For that reason, of course, there's a chance she is if she doesn't outgrow it. If so, you should probably move on to keep from repeating your childhood.

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compassionate detachment?

 

only if you have ever had a freind, a supposed equal, supervising your life choices, would you understand that you must stop this sanctimonious bs

 

she has already told you she is who she is, in no uncertain terms

 

just leave her alone, you do not like her, you just like the version of her that you want to impose

Edited by darkmoon
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whichwayisup
I'm someone who has struggled with codependency issues and childhood issues of loneliness and abandonment. I have a parent that basically committed slow suicide through smoking and alcoholism. And I have a compulsion to control things and take care of people.

 

I have a friend that means the world to me, who is not in the best of times the picture of health. She's prone to illness, works a punishing job, then basically drinks all night and hardly sleeps. I would say most of her friends are enablers. When I broach the issue of self-care she brushes it off and is all, "well, this is how I am."

 

So basically I'm scared for her. I know the answer is compassionate detachment but I'm having trouble getting there.

 

It's her life and she won't change until she has a major health scare. You're caring and genuine, all you can do is focus on your other friends and maybe distance yourself from her so you don't feel so connected and worried about her.

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