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I think i've just been friend dumped?!?


shorty1988m

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shorty1988m

So, i'll give a bit of background. I've known my friend since i was 18 and he was 17 and we met in college away from home but came from the same place (or near enough). We were both training for a job to work at sea but we became best friends in college as we really didn't stay in touch with people from home. We were in the same classes, same dorms and even rented a flat together. We both qualified and over the years spent our time at sea but kept in touch, remained best friends. We are both so similar in terms of humour and opinions and have never fought.

 

Well, recently we both returned to college to take the next step in our careers (February to march) and organised it so we could study and support each other during what would be a pretty intense few months. Over the time we never fell out and even, i think, became closer as friends by properly discussing the stuff the bothered us. He was in a bad patch in his relationship and we both got drunk and admitted that we had thought of suicide. Still nothing changed and we were close as ever.

 

Well a few weeks back we received the results from the tests and while we both passed one part, he failed the other while i passed it. I was gutted for him. Genuinely gutted. It took the shine off me passing but he's my friend and i wanted us both to pass. I'd like to think i'd keep any jealousy at bay if it was the other way round. When we found out we had both returned to our normal lives. Him at sea and me at home (bit of a gap year for me). We discussed the results and had a conversation via Facebook and it turned out he was home. His grandparent had died and he'd returned from sea a few days before. He hadn't told me but it was understandable and i told him sorry for his loss and if he wanted to go for a beer or anything to get away from it all to just give me a shout. He said ok and we stopped the conversation. This was about 2 weeks ago.

Fast forward to today. I received something in the post that i ordered online that we had joked about on the course so i sent a picture with a sentence laughing about it to him on Facebook. I assumed he was back at sea but i'll never know now and he replied a couple of minutes later with this

 

Sorry man, **** times, going MIA until i sort it out

 

Now, this is where i get a bit confused. At this point, which was earlier today, i was totally understanding. I thought he's probably still grieving here, he's back at work, he's just failed exams and on top of that he has told me about his suicidal thoughts before. I was concerned but thought he just needs some space. But, i searched his name tonight when i got home to see if there is any clues to how he's doing but the first thing i notice was he unfriended me on Facebook. Just me. He's friends with everyone else even my parents. He's friends with people we met in college no more than 2 months ago and he's friends with his girlfriend. Why do i? His best friend become the odd one out.

 

Also, he wants to go MIA. But, does that mean MIA from me. His Facebook is still active, he hasn't blocked me and yet i remain the odd one out. Its pissed me off a little as i'm not really awash with friends and I've got my own abandonment issues that I'm at the point of should i just accept it, wash my hands and try to move on? I have no idea!

 

Another suspicion is that he may be jealous of me passing. It can happen but i never thought it would with us. I really don't see how it really matters though as passing is just the key to the next step. He already has an amazing job which i would love to have and if he passed he would have exactly the same job at least for now. I don't know though.

 

TLDR; Contacted best friend, told he was going MIA, i was the only person deleted off Facebook. Friend dumped?

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Well, sounds like he isn't one who gets back in the saddle right away. Maybe it's because you're close that he doesn't want contact right now. Maybe it makes him feel too vulnerable. I guess this test was an important one that affects the direction of his life now? Is that right? Or is it just "a" test. Will he have to take another semester to finish? Is this a huge financial burden on him? I think he's having to regroup. And yes, probably a little jealous. Let him have some space since he put you off Facebook. Keep your ear to the ground in case there's any scuttlebutt or girl troubles or he thinks you're in the middle of a girl he liked or anything like that.

 

I had a friend cut me out once (but it had already began when she had kids) but she hid from me and I was genuinely worried, so much so that when I didn't even get a card at Christmas, I phoned her parents, and they told me "Maybe she didn't want you to know she was divorcing." You just never know what will make people clam up. I hope he comes back. I guess it's pretty much his move, though. You know that when people get into a real depression, they will isolate themselves, right? So he could be in depression. Like real depression. But if he blocked you, then he really can't expect you to come around a month from now making sure he's okay. Keep checking to see if he unblocks you. Hope it all works out. That sucks!

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mrs rubble
So, i'll give a bit of background. I've known my friend since i was 18 and he was 17 and we met in college away from home but came from the same place (or near enough). We were both training for a job to work at sea but we became best friends in college as we really didn't stay in touch with people from home. We were in the same classes, same dorms and even rented a flat together. We both qualified and over the years spent our time at sea but kept in touch, remained best friends. We are both so similar in terms of humour and opinions and have never fought.

 

Well, recently we both returned to college to take the next step in our careers (February to march) and organised it so we could study and support each other during what would be a pretty intense few months. Over the time we never fell out and even, i think, became closer as friends by properly discussing the stuff the bothered us. He was in a bad patch in his relationship and we both got drunk and admitted that we had thought of suicide. Still nothing changed and we were close as ever.

 

Well a few weeks back we received the results from the tests and while we both passed one part, he failed the other while i passed it. I was gutted for him. Genuinely gutted. It took the shine off me passing but he's my friend and i wanted us both to pass. I'd like to think i'd keep any jealousy at bay if it was the other way round. When we found out we had both returned to our normal lives. Him at sea and me at home (bit of a gap year for me). We discussed the results and had a conversation via Facebook and it turned out he was home. His grandparent had died and he'd returned from sea a few days before. He hadn't told me but it was understandable and i told him sorry for his loss and if he wanted to go for a beer or anything to get away from it all to just give me a shout. He said ok and we stopped the conversation. This was about 2 weeks ago.

Fast forward to today. I received something in the post that i ordered online that we had joked about on the course so i sent a picture with a sentence laughing about it to him on Facebook. I assumed he was back at sea but i'll never know now and he replied a couple of minutes later with this

 

Sorry man, **** times, going MIA until i sort it out

 

Now, this is where i get a bit confused. At this point, which was earlier today, i was totally understanding. I thought he's probably still grieving here, he's back at work, he's just failed exams and on top of that he has told me about his suicidal thoughts before. I was concerned but thought he just needs some space. But, i searched his name tonight when i got home to see if there is any clues to how he's doing but the first thing i notice was he unfriended me on Facebook. Just me. He's friends with everyone else even my parents. He's friends with people we met in college no more than 2 months ago and he's friends with his girlfriend. Why do i? His best friend become the odd one out.

 

Also, he wants to go MIA. But, does that mean MIA from me. His Facebook is still active, he hasn't blocked me and yet i remain the odd one out. Its pissed me off a little as i'm not really awash with friends and I've got my own abandonment issues that I'm at the point of should i just accept it, wash my hands and try to move on? I have no idea!

 

Another suspicion is that he may be jealous of me passing. It can happen but i never thought it would with us. I really don't see how it really matters though as passing is just the key to the next step. He already has an amazing job which i would love to have and if he passed he would have exactly the same job at least for now. I don't know though.

 

TLDR; Contacted best friend, told he was going MIA, i was the only person deleted off Facebook. Friend dumped?

Your bolded makes me think his girlfriend is jealous of your friendship and possibly giving him a hard time over it.

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shorty1988m
Your bolded makes me think his girlfriend is jealous of your friendship and possibly giving him a hard time over it.

 

That definitely could be an issue I suppose although I'm still friends with her via Facebook. She was jealous when we planned an end of study trip to Amsterdam even though it didn't affect her life in any way as she wouldn't be there. If that's the case I feel more sorry for him than mad as apart from his cousin I'm his only friend.

 

Well, sounds like he isn't one who gets back in the saddle right away. Maybe it's because you're close that he doesn't want contact right now. Maybe it makes him feel too vulnerable. I guess this test was an important one that affects the direction of his life now? Is that right? Or is it just "a" test. Will he have to take another semester to finish? Is this a huge financial burden on him? I think he's having to regroup. And yes, probably a little jealous. Let him have some space since he put you off Facebook. Keep your ear to the ground in case there's any scuttlebutt or girl troubles or he thinks you're in the middle of a girl he liked or anything like that.

 

I had a friend cut me out once (but it had already began when she had kids) but she hid from me and I was genuinely worried, so much so that when I didn't even get a card at Christmas, I phoned her parents, and they told me "Maybe she didn't want you to know she was divorcing." You just never know what will make people clam up. I hope he comes back. I guess it's pretty much his move, though. You know that when people get into a real depression, they will isolate themselves, right? So he could be in depression. Like real depression. But if he blocked you, then he really can't expect you to come around a month from now making sure he's okay. Keep checking to see if he unblocks you. Hope it all works out. That sucks!

 

I definitely understand the possible reasons behind it such as pressure from girl, depression which I'm familiar with and maybes even a little jealousy but i can't help but think that this just isn't my fault. At the moment I giess I'm a little angry about it, which is understandable, but in time if he does come round with all his problems fixed I'm still going to be sitting there a little pissed that I could be dumped for whatever reason and probably a little extra pissed that I don't know why and that I'm at no fault through it. As I am right now I'm thinking in a few months I'll probably just ignore him.

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That definitely could be an issue I suppose although I'm still friends with her via Facebook. She was jealous when we planned an end of study trip to Amsterdam even though it didn't affect her life in any way as she wouldn't be there. If that's the case I feel more sorry for him than mad as apart from his cousin I'm his only friend.

 

 

 

I definitely understand the possible reasons behind it such as pressure from girl, depression which I'm familiar with and maybes even a little jealousy but i can't help but think that this just isn't my fault. At the moment I giess I'm a little angry about it, which is understandable, but in time if he does come round with all his problems fixed I'm still going to be sitting there a little pissed that I could be dumped for whatever reason and probably a little extra pissed that I don't know why and that I'm at no fault through it. As I am right now I'm thinking in a few months I'll probably just ignore him.

 

 

I understand. It isn't nice to do something like that. But if he is genuinely depressed, I can tell you from experience that when you're really bad depressed, you don't have the faculties to handle any of the small details like being diplomatic to a friend. I hope he snaps out of it soon and apologizes.

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silverfeather

 

Now, this is where i get a bit confused. At this point, which was earlier today, i was totally understanding. I thought he's probably still grieving here, he's back at work, he's just failed exams and on top of that he has told me about his suicidal thoughts before. I was concerned but thought he just needs some space. But, i searched his name tonight when i got home to see if there is any clues to how he's doing but the first thing i notice was he unfriended me on Facebook. Just me. He's friends with everyone else even my parents. He's friends with people we met in college no more than 2 months ago and he's friends with his girlfriend. Why do i? His best friend become the odd one out.

Friend dumped?

 

I am sorry you are feeling vulnerable and missing your mate.

It's possible the unfriending was a total accident. I have accidentally unfreinded people on facebook LOTS of times it does not necessarily mean anything untoward.

 

I would not hypothesize on why but simply ask him straight up why. Just say 'hey i noticed you unfriended me is everything ok?'.

 

Ask him straight out what's wrong and can it be sorted out. I wouldn't keep asking yourself why or assuming because it's a sure way to wreck your head. If he has decided to stake a huge step back then all you can do is accept it no matter how unfair it seems and realize you are worth more as a friend than that anyway.

 

You BOTH talking of suicidal ideations could have made him think the two of you together were a bad influence on each other.

 

It does seem like he has an awful lot on his plate.

 

By the way regarding your own suicidal feelings. I do hope this is in the past. You are obviously a very bright person and very sensitive and caring. The world needs you. So if you do need some professional help regarding that issue please do reach out.

 

You deserve friends who value you. Remember that. His feelings about you are not about you. They are actually about him.

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