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All my friends are too negative.Help!


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I realised about a year ago that most of my friends are pretty negative. This reaslizaion lead too limited contact with quite a few of them and deleting of social media because I couldn't take anymore depressing status up dates.

 

I'm so happy with my life, although it's not without its problems, I'm more a cup is half full kind girl. I feel sometimes my friends create problems for themselves through lack of or bad planning and seem to have an excuse for everything. If you offer solutions they always have a reason why they can't try it, I've given up.

 

Yesterday a group of us took our kids to a soft play and all the other ladies did was moan and complain : life's so hard, I don't like her, that kids too spoilt, look at her shoes, Kim K is a cow and should just adopt and the list went on and on.

They can be nice people but how do I tell them to stop bloody complaining all the time?

 

If I get rid of all of them I'll be friendless.

Edited by juicygirl
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StalwartMind

It's so much easier to just complain than actually attempt to put in an effort to "solve" ones problems or dislikes. Granted some things are out of your control, but I never understood either, why some people have made it their main passion to be unsatisfied. That seems like such an unproductive way to "enjoy" your life but I think on some level it actually gives them satisfaction to be unhappy.

 

While I'm sure you'd prefer not to be friendless, it could be beneficial for you to go through a period until you met "better" company, all depends on how much value these people add to your life. Rather one good friend than 20 mediocre and problematic ones. Each to their own but I most certainly understand what you say, and even if you do attempt to help them, like suggest things, it's often disregarded. I think on some level they just don't care to change or actually confront that they have negative tendencies. It's unfortunate, but in the end what can you do but keep trying to make people aware of their "issues" except just call it quits at one point and move on.

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Lokin4AReason

I had to find new so called friend(s) and dropped the one(s) that always involved themselves in a negative atmosphere ( like this world doesn't have enough of the negativity ).

 

if they can come up w/ excuses, then they can come w/ solution(s) for those excuse(s) IMO

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littleplanet

:DWell OP, sounds to me like you know how to enjoy your half-a-cup.

 

The power of positivity can be pretty powerful - but it sure can't overpower a truckload of negativity constantly. Sooner or later the wheels fall off.

In romance, opposites may attract......but I've always believed that good friendships run in like-minded circles.

 

And a friendly person attracts friendly people. Which is why we trust ourselves to weed out the chaff and keep the wheat. All my friends are actually people I like. That is the basis of the relationship. And if the reason I like them is for their positivity (that bolsters my own) then it makes sense.

Otherwise...........it's an endless drain.

 

Which is really important when trouble arises and you really need that good friend. Empathy, sympathy, kindness, patience, understanding.

Trading it all around.

If you feel like you've been attracting nothing but growlers - perhaps it's because your nature is something they feel naturally pulled towards.

But for lousy reasons. Like a sympathetic ear. But one ultimately ignored and disagreed with.

 

Humans by nature, like good news. Something that puts a smile on their face. Makes them feel better. Unless they are so mired in negativity that this is what feels normal to them.

 

If you wind up friendless, remind yourself that you probably deserve better, and that maybe zero is just a fresh start.

We're all on the same road (to somewhere) but we're sure not all walkin' at the same speed!

Drama is for Shakespearean tragedy.

Real life steps along outside of that. (Thank goodness!)

 

Some folks do manage to learn a few golden rules, in life. They often make for great friendships.

Humor....................is such a lovely medicine for life's gripes.

One part whit and two parts warmth. Nice mix.

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I often get told I'm a good listener and I'm good at giving advice but it's getting a bit much. I don't mind listening if they have a real problem, but recently they're just moaning about silly things. Maybe they've always been that waybut I never noticed until now. It's just draining.

Edited by juicygirl
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littleplanet

Well........misery does love company.

But vexation of the spirit does follow unto the ways taught by golden rules.

It just drains (as you said) the life out of the living, the sparkle out of the sunshine, the hope and good wishes out of a well-meaning intent.

 

You probably read it accurately enough: The consequences of bad choices (perhaps narrow mindedness) and just plain old mean spirit. We often can and do reap what we sow. (Happy enough to do the reaping......shocked by the crop that comes back!) :D

 

It is wonderful to be a good listener. (You stick around to hear wonderful things.)

But it depends on what you're listening to. A pretty melody, a profound sound............or a grating screeching racket. All sound was not born equal.

 

Still - when you've had enough.....you've had enough.

At times in a (some kind of) friendship the scales do fall from our eyes.

Time to move on, find the souls that suit your style, clothes and temperment.

What many often refer to as growing up - which doesn't mean carrying the weight of the world and descending into eternal doom and gloom.

(Wasn't this what we learned as tots from Eeyore?)

I always thought so.

 

And even he was kinda loveable, in his own sorry little way.

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If you tell them to stop complaining or constantly contradict them when they are complaining, then that actually makes you the more negative element. Nothing more negative than telling others they are negative! If you don't like them, stop hanging around with them. Not one of them probably thinks you are the better person whose habits they should adopt. The "power of positive thinking" actually works a lot better when you keep those mantras in your own head!

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I know from experience how emotionally draining it can be hanging around negative people. i have a friend who complains constantly about every little thing and it's really hard to deal with. It's one thing to have a quick venting session about something that's bothering you, but when every conversation is a complaint, it becomes a toxic situation.

Next time your friends start with the negativity, try turning the conversation to something else. Or point blank letting them know that you want to talk about something more positive.

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Every Strindberg needs his Helium! :))

But it´s really much better to have heliums in our lives than strindbergs.

I realized that I network with people who aren´t negative but are somehow.. not-motivated. Not ambitious.. They are great and I really love them, which is the problem, but I just realized that I don´t have any high-flyers (I am not either) which would motivate me to be more successful or sth.. which would be an example for me.

The thing is that we really need EXAMPLES in our lives. Humans learn by copying.. it´s a fact.

It´s really brave to get rid of negative people around you.. and it´s always good to search for new and better company..

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