Faldve Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 So, I've known my husband's best friend for as long as I've known my husband (10 years). We've never been close, I'd just talk to him when he's hanging out with my husband. My husband and I have a very distant relationship, like we are roommates. My husband's friend has been going through a lot lately including a recent break up. The other night my husband and I went to his friend's house. They got drunk. I was playing around doing pull-ups and the friend put his hands around my waist to get me down. He was upset about being lonely and he gave me a lot of hugs which isn't normal for us. The time before us was the first time he gave me a hug. He kept telling me he loves me and that I'm a good friend to him. The past few times we've hung out I will catch him staring at me. I just stare back and we will hold eye contact for a while. Every time I see him he has new songs for me to listen to. He told me that he was always going to be alone and that if I weren't with my husband I would be alone too. We have a lot of the same problems like with depression. The friend has ptsd and later had a flashback. He was attempting to stand on the balcony ledge so I held his arm he tried to pull away so I held his hand. We held hands for a while. My husband passed out so we went inside and he sat next to me on the couch. I can't remember what all he said. Mostly about how he wants a family but feels he won't have one. My husband woke up and we left shortly after. Am I reading too much into this? I've always been attracted to him. In the beginning we were supposed to date however my husband asked if he cared if he dated me. So I assumed the friend wasn't interested and I got with my husband. Was he just lonely or does he possibly have feelings for me? Every time we talk he makes it a point to call me his friend. When I attempt to text him he's short with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Short and sweet: It's a dangerous relationship. Either you work on what's ailing your marriage, or maybe consider getting a divorce. That's how I see it from your standpoint. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 You are both flirting and know it. There must be some sort of attraction; otherwise, you wouldn't be holding each other's gazes for an extended period of time. This "innocent" bodily contact you speak of won't stay innocent for long at the rate things are progressing. I think this guy is hanging onto a shred of moral fiber out of respect for his friend. You admit your marriage isn't ideal and I'm guessing there is no spark since you say the relationship is basically platonic in nature. Don't dance too close to the fire if you aren't willing to get burned. His words stress friendship but his actions are much more suggestive and so are yours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Stop texting. Your husband is his friend and you are just an accessory - otherwise it will become more and you know it. Don't feed into the attraction that is there and it won't grow into anything it shouldn't be. Re-direct your flirts and affections back towards your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Yes, he's hot for you. Don't think it's anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Faldve Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 I honestly doubt I'd act upon it. Mostly out of fear of rejection. I know divorce or working it out with my husband seems to be the logical thing. I tried to divorce my husband, however, I did not have money for a lawyer. Court ruled in his favor in our temporary hearing. We got back together. We sleep in separate parts of the house and do our own thing without much interaction at all. He's said before that he doesn't care if I cheat, as long as he doesn't know about it. It's a marriage of convenience I suppose. We started dating and I moved in with him to escape my abusive step father at 14. I'm 23 and I haven't had a real relationship. I thought he was the real deal. He's incapable of showing emotions or affection. I'm only human and I do get lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Oh, he'll care if you cheat with his best friend! What a horrible thing to even contemplate doing to anyone. His "friend" is lonely and you're a woman and he isn't a good friend or he'd never have done that. It doesn't mean he's in love with you or anything. You were working out in front of him and he got horny and was drunk and feeling sorry for himself. He wasn't that interested in the beginning. There's no guarantee he's anything more than just horny now. Of all the billion men in the world who are complication-free, why would you even contemplate breaking every moral code by trying to get with this one? He's probably lonely because he is crap at relationships. Get a divorce from your husband, but leave his friends alone. How would you like it if he started dating your best friend? And then you still had to see them both? Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Do you want to spend your life being needy and dependent on men? You grabbed onto your husband to rescue from your stepfather (understandable at 14) and now it seems you want to find another man to rescue you from your marriage. It's time for you to grow up and learn to rely upon yourself. Do you have children? If not then you have no excuse for not bettering yourself and becoming self sufficient. Your husband may not care if you cheat but he will care a whole lot if you mess with his friend. Messing with an SO friends is just really bad form. Go find someone else. Also needy men and needy women don't generally make good partners. They're constant focus on their own unhappiness leaves them unable to truly love and care for someone else. Both you and this friend sound very needy. I have a feeling that if you two were to end up together it would not be a very happy union in the long term as you both are placing your happiness in the hands of outside forces. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Faldve Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 I, honestly, would not care if he started dating my best friend. We are strangers to say the least. I'm not going to act upon it. Seriously, I was purely curious about his behavior. I'm aware that I'm needy. I'm also aware that I fantasize about someone "saving" me. Logically I know that the only person who can do that is me. I am in school, and I should graduate soon. We do have children together and that's the only reason we are together. My husband has a lot of money and his father is very influencing to many people in the town I live in. When I left my husband I was not "allowed" to file a report against him despite having marks from him. That's another ordeal, though. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Forget both of them. Figure out how to get your own life in order. being with either your husband or this guy is not a solution to your problems. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 I, honestly, would not care if he started dating my best friend. We are strangers to say the least. I'm not going to act upon it. Seriously, I was purely curious about his behavior. I'm aware that I'm needy. I'm also aware that I fantasize about someone "saving" me. Logically I know that the only person who can do that is me. I am in school, and I should graduate soon. We do have children together and that's the only reason we are together. My husband has a lot of money and his father is very influencing to many people in the town I live in. When I left my husband I was not "allowed" to file a report against him despite having marks from him. That's another ordeal, though. I'm sorry no one took your complaint seriously. Be sure to always get photos as evidence. You will definitely need your own attorney when you divorce him. Do not fail to get one. There are interim measures you can get in court prior to divorce that will help you afford to get an attorney for the purposes of divorce, and he will have to pay for that. You'll get child support at the very least. No one can save someone who won't leave a relationship but themselves. Get an attorney and let him start working on getting money. You need someone in "family law." Link to post Share on other sites
Sweeetie Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 I honestly doubt I'd act upon it. Mostly out of fear of rejection. I know divorce or working it out with my husband seems to be the logical thing. I tried to divorce my husband, however, I did not have money for a lawyer. Court ruled in his favor in our temporary hearing. We got back together. We sleep in separate parts of the house and do our own thing without much interaction at all. He's said before that he doesn't care if I cheat, as long as he doesn't know about it. It's a marriage of convenience I suppose. We started dating and I moved in with him to escape my abusive step father at 14. I'm 23 and I haven't had a real relationship. I thought he was the real deal. He's incapable of showing emotions or affection. I'm only human and I do get lonely. Why are you with this guy? Is this what you will settle for, your partner for life? Life is a gift and we have one chance at it. Don't waste it on unhappiness. Link to post Share on other sites
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